I saw my CPN yesterday, and he said for me to consider going inpatient.
I've only recently just gotten off of a section 3-4 months ago, and they want me to consider going inpatient again?!
He was saying for specialized treatment, and I honestly don't think I could bare going into hospital again, especially after it being so recent me being in hospital.
I don't really know what to do, though.
I was wondering if anyone has any ideas or suggestions for me regarding going inpatient, maybe some advice on what to do?
Or, peoples experiences of going inpatient for specialized treatment, whatever condition/problem(s) it be for?
I guess what you have to look at is, do you think you are managing out in the community? Do you feel able to keep yourself safe? I know it can be hard to think of going to hospital at any time let alone if you only just recently come out. However if it is going to help keep you safer and help you manage more then it might be worth considering. Also considering it's for specialized treatment it will probably have more a focus on actually helping rather than just keeping you contained. Are you able to talk to your CPN about why he thinks you need specialized treatment? All the best in whatever you decide. Take care
Kat xxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
That sounds like a difficult decision, especially as it has been such a short time since you were already inpatient I can understand this must have brought up a lot of confusion and difficult feelings for you.
Do you feel you can get the help and support you need in the community, as well as feel able to stay safe between appointments and support available? - If you feel that you would be safe with more support from your CPN/other services but on a more regular basis you could speak to him about trying this rather than going back to impatient treatment straight away. However, if you feel your safety couldn't be guaranteed this way, it would be an idea to consider impatient treatment to ensure you are kept safe.
Do you agree with your CPN's reasons for inpatient? Does your CPN have a full understanding of how you're feeling and what's going on? If this is the case, or of you have been holding back and he still feels that impatient treatment is the best course of action you may need to consider his reasons, they will be in your best interests.
Do you think that learning more about what specialized treatment entails you would feel more comfortable with the idea? Perhaps speak to him more about where you will be/what support you will get there and how that support can differ from the community support available.
Ultimately, it sounds like you have a lot more choice with this then you may have had with your section, and hopefully if you stay open and informed about what's going on with your care it will feel a lot less threatening and you can feel a lot more in control of what's going on with your treatment.
Whatever you decide, please take care
P.s apologies for spelling mistakes. My phone likes to think it's the boss.
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
I guess what you have to look at is,
do you think you are managing out in the community?
Do you feel able to keep yourself safe?
I know it can be hard to think of going to hospital at any time let alone if you only just recently come out.
However if it is going to help keep you safer and help you manage more then it might be worth considering.
Also considering it's for specialized treatment it will probably have more a focus on actually helping rather than just keeping you contained.
Are you able to talk to your CPN about why he thinks you need specialized treatment?
All the best in whatever you decide. Take care
Kat xxx
Hi Kat, thank you very much for your reply.
If I am honest, I'm not really managing well in the community, and I guess I'm not really keeping myself very safe... but I am trying so so hard to, though.
My CPN said it would be specialized regarding severe BPD and self harm, and he mentioned it'd be serious intervention.
I didn't really ask much about it, actually I didn't really at all... it scared me too much to even talk about.
My CPN thinks I'm unsafe right now and in a destructive cycle and that's why he had me sectioned a few months ago, which did f*k all, but now he is saying about speciaizlied treatment, which hasn't come up before really, in terms of being inpatient for specialized treatment...
I don't know what to really do here.
I find it difficult communicating verbally, so maybe I should write down things?
My mind is really jumbled and I'm scared and confused and triggered and lost and just, a mess really...
My fiancee thinks I need to be in hospital, weirdly the night before my appointment with my CPN and before specialized inpatient treatment was even a suggestion... other people think I should be...
but...
I don't want to go in hospital again.
I really don't.
It is scary and daunting and it makes me anxious and confused and I don't know what would happen and I don't know and it's all frightening and unknown and scary...
I feel like such a baby.
Thank you for replying again Kat, I really appreciate it.
x
Quote:
Originally Posted by Multi-Snarf
That sounds like a difficult decision, especially as it has been such a short time since you were already inpatient I can understand this must have brought up a lot of confusion and difficult feelings for you.
Do you feel you can get the help and support you need in the community, as well as feel able to stay safe between appointments and support available? -
If you feel that you would be safe with more support from your CPN/other services but on a more regular basis you could speak to him about trying this rather than going back to impatient treatment straight away.
However, if you feel your safety couldn't be guaranteed this way, it would be an idea to consider impatient treatment to ensure you are kept safe.
Do you agree with your CPN's reasons for inpatient?
Does your CPN have a full understanding of how you're feeling and what's going on?
If this is the case, or of you have been holding back and he still feels that impatient treatment is the best course of action you may need to consider his reasons, they will be in your best interests.
Do you think that learning more about what specialized treatment entails you would feel more comfortable with the idea?
Perhaps speak to him more about where you will be/what support you will get there and how that support can differ from the community support available.
Ultimately, it sounds like you have a lot more choice with this then you may have had with your section, and hopefully if you stay open and informed about what's going on with your care it will feel a lot less threatening and you can feel a lot more in control of what's going on with your treatment.
Whatever you decide, please take care
P.s apologies for spelling mistakes. My phone likes to think it's the boss.
Thank you also for replying, I really appreciate it, thank you both for taking the time out of your day to reply, especially with such long helpful responses.
Well, regarding help / support in the community, I was denied doing DBT last week, so that's pretty much out, which is the one thing I was hoping I could do, because it sounds like it could really help me, but I guess that's out of the window.
Staying safe between appointments... if I'm honest, I find it incredibly difficult to stay safe in a day, let alone between appointments... but I am trying, and I have been trying really hard... I really don't want to go into hospital... I'm not sure if I can see him more than once a week, he's really really busy.
We didn't really discuss much of his reasons, but he did get across how he knows I'm not okay, and I'm in a bad place, and the likes, but I physically was having trouble communicating and talking verbally, so we didn't really get into a depth conversation about his reasons, I kind of got the gist from the whole appointment and what he was saying which led up to it.
Maybe learning more, maybe I'd feel more informed about what would happen... wouldn't be as daunting... well... it still would... and scared crapless... but I guess learning more would be a good next step... but that would give the impression I am going to do it... and I don't want to... but I'm trying to think logically and rationally... but I'm finding that hard.
I think I'll write down what I feel I can't say aloud and maybe ask questions and go through them individually with him next week... it's just really daunting and confusing and upsetting and... well... frightening.
I'm glad I have more choice and control though this time round, I'm just scared that they will decide I can't make decisions for myself and will section me regardless of what I think/feel... feeling pretty vulnerable I guess, and really... just, I don't know how to put how I feel into words right now but I don't feel good.
And, regarding your p.s - that made me smile. Thank you also for making me smile!
Sorry this is so long winded, and thank you both again for replying and being so lovely and understanding, it means a lot a lot a lot.
I think it might be worth looking in to specialist units because they will be totally different to being in an acute ward. If you are in a specialist unit, there will mostly be people who can empathise with what you are going through and are sort of the same level as you if you get what I mean? Plus the staff should be trained for the working with people who have PD's and severe self harm etc so hopefully more understanding.
Also, because there level of intervention is higher such as therapy & groups, there is not so much boredom. There will be times I'm sure where there is nothing on but honestly, I've seen the timetables for quite a few different specialist places and they are full on. There are groups for therapy, individual therapy and then group activities so it won't be the same.
Maybe it's something to at least consider and I know that you live quite close to a couple of the places so that's good as well because you wouldn't be so isolated :) I don't know if they would consider there but a lot of the specialist units are around your area or London.
Hi, I'm currently in a specialist BPD unit and it's definitely very different to an acute adult ward. DBT might not be out of the question as many specialist units use DBT.
It might be worth asking your CPN what kind of specialist unit he is thinking of.
Take care of yourself x
When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?
My heads a bit messy at the moment but I still want to reply.
I know it seems really scary going in patient again and into the unknown, but if it’s a specialist unit, like others have said, it really will be different. Acute wards are often for containment and the nurses aren’t always that helpful/you can find stigma around BPD/self harm.
I went to a specialist unit, and whilst I feel I was too young when I went, it certainly did have a positive impact; it taught me how to communicate. Luckily I’m in London and as a result i’ve been able to see the same therapist in the community for 5 years.
Two things i wanted to highlight. Firstly, if you do decide to, get as much information as possible and ask as many questions as you can. Maybe get the support of others around you to figure out whether you’d be able to commit to making an attempt on recovery now. I only say that because when it comes to funding sometimes after the PCT have paid whatever for one treatment place it can be quite hard to get funded to go somewhere else.
The other thing I wanted to say is that it may seem/feel right now that self harm is just part of your life/you become desensitized with regards to the severity of the wounds and destruction and that it will always be a part of life, but things CAN change. I don’t want to sound like one of those people trying to convince you that that everything will get better and not having any clue what it’s like to be stuck in such a vicious cycle, i say it from someone who was obsessed with harming, with a mind that was never satisfied with the wounds and always had to be worse than the last. I still self harm now, but it’s not habitual like it once was. When i was 18-20 I never imagined being able to go a week without harming, let alone 6 months!
I hope whatever you decide on doing, the struggles and challenges you are facing diminish somewhat. We’re around to support you :)
xx
sticks and stones may break your bones but words can tear your heart out.
I think that it would be worth asking what it would involve.
I've heard some really positive things about specialised treatments so I would look into it.
I also think it sounds like you are finding things tough and whilst hospital isn't always the answer it can be.
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
I'm overwhelmed by how lovely and supportive you guys are being, it means a lot to me, so thank you.
I think I'll have to think really hard about this decisiion , maybe when I'm in a better mindset because tonight has been extremely difficult and distressing, and unfortunelty I've self harmed, and I kind of feel I can't stop and I probably should go to A&E but I have managed to get it under control but I also haven't taken my meds so I'm going to take them now and try to calm myself so I will respond to your posts tomorrow and hopefully I won't be in such a screwed up mood, but please know I appreciate your responses and I am so grateful and I will respond to them individiaully tomorrow when hopefully my mind is a bit less noisy and loud.
Thank you guys so much again, it means a lot.
I know I repeat myself here but it does.
I think writing down all your different thoughts and questions on the whole thing would be helpful. That way both you and your CPN have something to work through. I know you don't want to go into hospital again but if your struggling to manage it might be just what you need.
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
Just wanted to echo everyone else here; it sounds like it might be helpful to get some more information. It's always going to be difficult to make a decision regarding your treatment, particularly when people around you express an opinion that you don't necessarily agree with.
Did they explain why you were declined for DBT? I know most outpatient programmes want a 100% commitment to stop target behaviours, so perhaps the frequency of your self-harming was seen as contradicting that commitment. But if you thought it might be helpful, this is something that could be worth talking over. Your current therapist might be able to explain to what extent it is similar/dissimilar to DBT or other services you've accessed.
Hope you sought help for your recent injuries and that you're in a better place to think things through.
maybe once you have got some more info you could write a pro and cons list about going into hospital, that is what I do when I have to make a difficult decision.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Hey lovely people, just thought I'd update after todays session.
My CPN has already started the inpatient process, he said the places I may be going to are one in West London, Sussex, or Southampton.
He truly believes this would be the best treatment for me, to be in an inpatient community & long term specialist care.
I'm so scared, but I think I'm going to really consider it.
He said I can still say no or put it on hold or whichever, obviously funding may take a long while & I may not even get the funding, so either way, I have some time to mull it over.
I'm really frightened though.
I did a pro con list like a lot of you wonderful people have suggested, and the cons are a lot more than pros...but the pros seem more important than some of the cons...:s
So confused, feel vulnerable & scared, I don't know... things could all go to hell if I do go inpatient... everything could go bad... worse...
It sounds like your CPN really does think this would be the best thing for you in the long-term, and I think it is certainly worth a go. You deserve the chance to receive that specialist care, and I really do hope it works out with funding etc.
It's definitely understandable that you're frightened, it sounds like it's going to be a pretty intense thing and will be very difficult. What frightens you most about the thought of going inpatient? Would it help to write some of the pros and cons down here? Maybe we could see if we could help you find some more pros, and like you said, the pros seem more important - and I think you're right, they are more important.
When you find out more about funding etc, would it help to see if you could have a 'visit' to the unit you'd be going to, to give yourself some certainty about what it would be like?
Apologies for so many questions and not much useful advice, but I really do hope you can get this opportunity, you deserve this chance. xx
Just curious to which unit has been suggested in Southampton I live there and I didn think we had a long term unit for BPD as I know 3 people currently funded for hospital out of area.
I can appreciate how frightening it is, especially once the process is underway. I went through the process so many times and even though they never found the right place for me it always produced emotions like being frightened but also offering a glimmer of hope. You have been through so much Sar and you really deserve the right help and hopefully going to a specialist unit will provide you with a place for you to get help and to get the life you truly deserve - a happy one!!
Well done for doing the pro's and con's list. I am wondering if your list might look a bit different depending on how you are feeling when you wrote it or also, if you could maybe write it with someone else? I think it's brilliant that you are able to recognise though that the pro's are more important though! I just thought that sometimes I know I have done pro's and con's and if at that time, I am feeling particularly self destructive then my con's usually outweigh the pro's massively but when I am feeling more settled, there will be a better balance.
hey lovely
sending you wonderful hugs right now remember you may not be in there for long it could be few weeks and hopefully they will make you better so you can recover.
