Admitting I need help? *Suicide*

Daydream · 22-01-2013, 05:38 PM

I "knew" I needed help but I was planning on going to my assessment and saying everything is fine.
I broke today. I was so close to ending everything that it scared the actual **** out of me. I spent most of the day dissociated and cut myself for the first time in years (catscratch though) just to see if I could feel it because I was so numb. I haven't cried, which is an alarm bell for me.
I spent the first half of today trying to decide if I was going to cut my wrists or throw myself off a multistory. I spent the second half of what's left of today trying to figure out how I'm going to get myself help. I was toying on going to a&e but ended up deciding to just tell them I need help tomorrow at my assessment. I've had about 8 hours sleep in the last 3 days.
I stopped my medication myself about 5 or 6 months ago cold turkey. It wasn't working anymore. I have a still active diagnosis of complex PTSD.

Does anyone know what they'll do to me? I'm planning on admitting that I'm actively suicidal and have stopped my medication. I'm exhausted, physically and mentally.

April x

MissAnonymous · 23-01-2013, 12:13 PM

I hope you have managed to tell the people at the assessment how much you are struggling and how unsafe you are right now.

It sounds like you need a reveiw of treatment/medication and what can be done to keep you safe right now. It sounds like the last few months have been really difficult, not being able to cry is a bad sign for lots of people. Could you write down how you feel instead to try and get it out?

How are you feeling now?

Daydream · 23-01-2013, 01:47 PM

I saw the CPN who did the assessment. She said it was be another 2 weeks before I'd even hear back from them. I tried to tell her I wasn't safe but she wasn't getting it. I left there worse than I went in.
I cut my wrist after I left with the intention to kill myself because it was obvious that I can't get help. I stopped halfway through and went to a&e. I'm currently in a&e now. The doctor I've seen is really nice and he has made this much easier on me. I'm waiting for a psychiatrist from another hospital to come down to talk to me.
Thanks for replying I'm really grateful x

Shenanigans · 23-01-2013, 01:49 PM

I'm sorry things are bad and this has happened, I'm glad that you are somewhere safe.
Please take care and I hope you get the support you need

Daydream · 23-01-2013, 05:23 PM

I'm home now. Not feeling any better but at least I know I will be able to sleep tonight because I've been given a sleeping tablet. They are coming to see me at home tomorrow, don't really know what that will be like. They kept asking me what I wanted or expected from them. I kept telling them I want help but I don't know what help it didn't seem to sink in with them.

How are you supposed to know what you want besides being dead? Meh.

Fire Fly · 23-01-2013, 10:24 PM

Hey,
It sounds like you have had a really hard day but welldone for having the courage to stop cutting and going to A&E. Is it the Home Treatment Team or Crisis team seeing you tomorrow?

They are sometimes really good and able to support you whilst you are in the community! I think they want to know whether you want there support to stay in the community or if you would prefer the more intense support and maybe consider hospital? Im not sure?

The sleeping pill sounds good. Hopefully a good night rest will help you and give you more energy. x