Fantasy vs Reality

Blue&Grey · 22-01-2013, 02:26 AM

I am not really sure where to put this, or what I am really trying to say, so just bear with me please.

My entire life I have been very imaginative, and I have had a rich "fantasy life" since before I was in kindergarten that has never gone away. Even when I was little. This enables me to become characters in books I am reading, entertain myself for hours, etc. However, it has always been fairly... dark. The thing is, it influences my reality, to the point that I am getting worried. I sink into long, involved daydreams without realizing what is happening. My emotions are based on imagined events, not reality. Reality usually doesn't phase me unless it infringes on what isn't real. Don't get me wrong, I know the difference between fantasy and reality- but my emotions don't. Half the time I do not feel like I am the same person. I'll take on the thoughts of someone else, someone imaginary. These people are sometimes violent and self- destructive. Though I know I would never actually hurt anyone, the constant images in my head are disturbing to say the least. I have violent images in my head daily. I have always been like this, but it seems to be getting worse. Half of the time I live in a dark fantasy world. What is going on? Am I just overreacting? I wouldn't hurt anyone, ever. I don't want to. But it's in my mind. So is self- destruction, which I will do. My cutting has gotten very bad this past year. I've been in the hospital three times already. I am usually in the state of mind when I cut, like what I am doing is not quite real and won't have real- life repercussions. I don't know what is going on. Sometimes I feel like I am just sinking into my mind and losing touch with the real world.

nightmaresandtears · 22-01-2013, 04:22 AM

That sounds like a very difficult situation to be in.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about this? It sounds like it's bothering you a fair bit and you'd like to gain some control over the situation.

Shenanigans · 22-01-2013, 09:03 AM

I'm sorry I don't have much advice but do you feel you could speak to someone about this? It sounds like you are becoming increasingly distressed by this and you deserve support.
Have you tried any grounding techniques? I'm afraid I don't know any off hand but it might be an idea you could try?
Take care

Blue&Grey · 25-01-2013, 06:03 PM

Thank you for your advice :)

Rilic · 26-01-2013, 12:40 AM

You've put into words what I could never figure out how to explain to others. I love my fantasy worlds and character, and sometime all the darkness and violent thoughts and self-destructive behaviour belong to the character and situation, and nothing to do with what's going on in real life.

Blue&Grey · 26-01-2013, 02:25 AM

It took me forever to put it into words, and still it isn't quite accurate. I'm glad someone knows what I am talking about though.

Rilic · 27-01-2013, 08:28 AM

I think I do. I could never explain this, especially when there would be hours where I'm always busy, but not doing anything, because how do you tell people you get so lost into daydreaming/fantasising that it means more to you than reality.

Blue&Grey · 30-01-2013, 02:35 AM

I see my self- harm as part of my "fantasy world", for the most part. Usually it doesn't feel real to me. So when it comes up in the "normal world", it freaks me out. For example, yesterday my brother was hanging out with one of his friends. She took off her jacket, and I saw a few self harm scars on both of her arms. I immediately felt sick and had to excuse myself for the bathroom. It wasn't that it disgusted me (I'm obviously in no place to judge) but it brought it so close to home. Self harm isn't supposed to be real, something that other people do. It's mine, my fantasy. Whenever I see it in the real world it's like a sucker punch to the gut.