Karma

[Tandance]

I'm feeling like karma is biting me on the butt lately. It has been 1 year and 4 months since the last time I cut and still feel like I need to everyday (will this feeling ever pass??)
Over the last 6 months I have unintentionally cut myself shaving every single time and can't help but feel like this is karma for the years of self injury I put myself through.
Of course because of this occurring so regularly it causes me to be constantly thinking about SI and reminding myself if the horrible person I really am...or was...it's a bit confusing when you still have the same thoughts you are just not carrying out the action :( has anyone else felt this way?
I'm getting tired of having new scars that I didn't even get to have control of or get any relief from. It just feels pointless to be not SIing if I'm still gaining scars anyway... I know logically that sounds so stupid but I still can't stop that other part if me that says SI is not a big deal and if I need to do it I should.
Sorry if none of this makes sense...it is 2am and I'm on the phone so it's difficult to see everything that's written :|

[Pi.R^2]

First off, congratulations on being 16 months free, what a great achievement!

You're definitely not alone in still having lots of thoughts of SI even when you don't do it any more. Perhaps it would help you to reflect on the reasons you stopped cutting in the first place?

Would you be able to try a different form of hair removal that doesn't involve blades, to try to stop shaving-related accidents triggering bad memories?

[[Awakening]]

Have you thought about trying to find a counsellor or someone to talk through all this with? It sounds like you're still struggling a lot and could do with some support to explore your feelings about self harm.

How are you doing now?

[crazykat]

First of all well done on not self-harming in 16 months, that is an amazing achievement. Like Narcissa suggested would trying a different method of hair removal help to avoid unnecessarily triggering yourself. Maybe you could also write out a list of reasons why you don't want to self-harm to use as a bit of a motivation. Take care
Kat xxx

[Tandance]

thanks for the replies :) I'm ok, was having a bad day and was getting out my thoughts on here. I'm still shaving but have stopped rushing through it as fast as I can so I can get the razor out of my hand and have stopped nicking myself as a result. As for seeking counseling, I'm not looking for one and I don't plan on it in the near future as everytime I do see one, they give me the same relaxation techniques to try and I feel like it is a waste of money and time to keep receiving the same information that, to be honest, doesn't work for me. Thanks for the support :)

[crazykat]

Glad to hear your feeling a little better now :)