Getting pissed of with being in hospital!!!...Update post 33

[Cedrus]

i'm getting so frustrated with being an in-patient!!! I just want to leave. The system has changed and on the triage ward i was under my consultant who works in the community, but im on the treatment ward now and have a different dr. They are having a professionals meeting early feb i think but i seriously cannot stand being there!

I guess im posting here instead of the R&V because i want i duno, someone to talk to? I've done a 7 month long stint in hospital in an adult acute ward once but this time round i am just getting so bloody bored and annoyed.

And then, they don't even know if my supported housing place will let me back. They keep changing there mind on what my diagnosis is and what the treatment should be which is stressing me out too. I feel safe enough to go home but because of some of the things ive done whilst IP well they wont let me go.

I think maybe i should get a tribuniral, but even if i go down that route, the supported housing place my not let me back.

So unbelievably fed up :(

[Aubergine]

Hey. Hospital can be really hard to deal with. My local ward have a similar system - one psych for inpatient and one for community. It makes things more difficult, in my opinion. *hug*

Is there anything that you can engage in to stave off some of the boredom? What's OT like?

If your supported housing don't let you back, are there any other options?

[Cacoethes]

*hugs*

Do you have advocates come to the ward? It might be worth speaking to them.

I suppose there's nothing that can be done except keep as busy as possible.
Try and learn a language, do some drawing, write stories.

Xx

[Cedrus]

Thanks guys for taking the time to reply.

The OT are fairly good, there aren't many activities in the hospital but if there is something specific you want to do (like baking a cake) they try and arrange it. I've been trying to read - am reading 'a street cat named bob' which is good.

If I don't go back to where i was living before then they will look for somewhere high supported, which i really do NOT want! For starters, it is unlikely for you to have your own broadband connection in high supported.

I have ward round tomorrow. I was thinking of asking for dishcarge but i have a feeling he will say no so I will ask instead to have my section lifted.

*sighs* just want to get back on track and try and take a few steps forward!

The other thing annoying me was one minute the consultant was like, you have boredline PD we need to treat that and they were thinking about a mood stabiliser, at the same time they were like, we will take you off the clozapine, then 2 weeks later they said they dont think i need a mood stabiliser and want to increase the clozapine to treat the 'paranoid schizophrenia' and im like 'woah, what the hell is going on, im confused!!' but blah, just need to behave/not self harm or whatever and hopeufully i can leave.

[Aubergine]

It's good that the OT are fairly good - that can really help. Could you think of a list of things that they might be able to arrange for you to do? Doesn't hurt to ask! Reading is good if you can; that sounds like an interesting book.

Oh, that sounds tough about the high supported living. Beckie mentioned an advocate, which might be a good way to go. They could help you get your point across that you really would rather stay in your current housing.

There's no harm in asking for your section to be lifted. Would you be willing to stay informally? It would give you more freedom and might look better where housing is concerned.

It's so difficult when they can't settle on a diagnosis. I've had similar - I was once sat in a room of people all discussing what diagnosis I could have, which was a bit unnerving. I'm quite lucky (in a way) that I've had the same one for about 2 years now. Could you ask them to clarify what your diagnosis is, and explain to them that the uncertainty is distressing you.

"Behaving" is a good plan. Sometimes you just have to play the game in the way they want you to play it in order for them to allow you to make progress. It's not necessarily the way it should be, but it seems to be the way it is. Do you have the support of the ward staff when it comes to trying not to self-harm etc?

[Cryptic.]

Just thought I'd leave lots of gentle hugs & say I completely understand and I know it's very difficult being in hospital, if you ever want to talk, I'm here.
x

[Cedrus]

Thanks for the hugs cryptic.

I will see how ward round goes tomorrow (I usually write a letter they read before i go in) and if i feel unheard or dismissed then when the advocate comes on the ward I will ask to speak to her.

I say 'behaving' because i feel thats how the consultant views it. If I go off the ward and drink my leave is suspended (although the nurses seem to be pulling a blind eye at it). If I self harm he said i would be on one to one obs for a week minimum.

I had the bpd and schizoaffective diagnosis for quite some time, but i think when i changed from the eip to cmht the dr had a different opinion. I only recently saw a specalist psych in PD's to figure out what, if any, that I have. I'm not fussed though, I feel I am on the right med combination and have twice weekly individual psychotherapy, so i guess its ok as my treatment is right. But then, I must be bothered about it....I dunno

I would stay informally, I just want to feel like I have some freedom.

That really sounds like a horrible experience! Sitting in a room with people discussing what your diagnosis is. I think I find out this week or next whats going on with the housing.

[Tig]

Aw lovely, sorry to hear you are in hospital and finding it so stressful. I can empathise a lot with it a lot as on my last long admission I found it a lot harder than I had on previous admissions and I wasn't really sure why.

I don't know what to suggest because people have already said it but wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. Good luck tomorrow in ward round; I hope the section is at least lifted for you.

Editing because you replied at same time as I wrote so answered my question about leave! I felt more 'free' once I was informal as well, although it took me ages to get off my section.

x

[Cedrus]

Thanks for your support :)

I had ward round :D I think it went well, if my hostel will let me back im going to have some over night leave with the HTT and if it goes well i should get discharged soon :D

Thanks for the words and support

x

[Cacoethes]

That sounds really positive :)
Keep us updated! Xx

[Ballerina123]

Really glad your ward round went well. X

[Aubergine]

It sounds like things are really moving forward. That's great. :)

[Pomegranate]

That sounds really good. Well done you! Hope it goes ok x

[Fire Fly]

That sounds really positive. I'm glad it went well. Hopefully the hostel will have you back and you can have overnight leave with HTT.

[Cedrus]

Thanks :)

The manager of the hostel is back today. Am going to try and get in contact with her so i can get a sense of what she thinks.

Part of me is really excited at the prospect of going home, but theres a bit thats anxious and frightened. I'll go from being around people 24/7 to yeah, i dunno. It will be nice though to go for walk when i want I just hope my keyworker doesn't try to make it into some bootcamp type place again

[Tig]

I hope you hear from the manager today ~ good luck.

I can certainly appreciate how frightening it is to go from having the support of hospital staff 24/7 to very little support and I think it's a natural thing to feel as well. Do you think that having HTT support will help to make the transition a little easier?

[Cedrus]

I have to have a meeting on the 30th with staff from the hostel and my sw, i think the professionals meeting is set for early feb, but i wont be discharged before they have that meeting. Getting so stressed. I don't even want to go back to the hostel, my key worker acts like it's some sort of boot camp. I'm feeling trapped and fed up to the max!

My head just feels all messed up.

[Tig]

*Hugs*

It sounds very stressful and it gets frustrating when there are so many hoops to jump through.

Would it help to talk to a member of staff right now? It sounds like things are pretty tough and if there's anyone you feel you can trust, maybe it would help you to have a chat with them. x

[Cedrus]

It certainly is frustrating!!

Sometimes, with certain nurses, it's pointless highlighting anything. I'll see which nurse is assigned to me when i go back after my leave (am allowed 8 hours a day with my dad! oh yeah! lol) and if it's someone i can speak to, i will.

The problem is, the hostel staff think the mh professionals need to up my support but the hospital drs/mh staff are saying the hostel need to up my support. I don't really want to go back there, but I don't want to go to high supported as that has been talked about. Also, i could not survive without my broadband.

I'm getting overwhelmed by it all and feel like self harming, but the harm i envisage would probably be perceived as a suicide attempt due to the high risk it is.

I feel isolated too, which sucks.

[Cacoethes]

*hugs*

it won't be forever lovely, just hang in there.

if you were to go to high supported, how long would it be for?
xx