don't know where to start

hellokittymad · 06-01-2013, 01:11 AM

Feel as though now I am nearly 20 this would be the more appropriate place to post but I do not know how much sense I will make as I have not had a lot of sleep and ahve been crying.

I don't even know where to start
it's all too much
too scary
i don't like it
i should possibly explain a bit first before i go on a ramble now i think about it, when I was younger I was abused, neglected, sexually assaulted, and mentally absued, untill I was 9, I was put into care, I met this boy, he lived up the road from me, wehn I was 15 he erm, raped me. sorry that word is little i hate it i've spent years and years struggling with the memories, flashbacks and nightmares from my past, now, struggle with self harm and eating issues and can't deal anymore.

I just cant
I want to hurt
so bad right now
I don't feel okay
I don't feel as though I belong
I feel as though
I'm in a different world almost
Feel as though
I'm that little girl again
Getting hurt again
I can't cope

I've church tomorrow which such amkes me feel happy, because, i get to see my friends, but, it's not, because, I cannot deal with things right now, can't sleep either and keep crying. This isn't good.

I'm not entierly sure what I want from this thread maybe, some hugs / words of encouragement / someone to talk too who'll understand?

*hugs all round* xxxx

Midnight · 06-01-2013, 01:56 PM

*hugs* sorry you are feeling so bad hun, im here to talk if you want. remember you are not that little girl anymore, you have grown, you are strong, you can cope and you will survive x

pea soup · 13-01-2013, 12:11 PM

Hi there,

I can give you plenty of understanding. I hate that word too. I was abused for 5 years as a young child. You are having symptoms of PTSD. I know this because I have it. I'm 35 now but I went through alot before the flashbacks went away. But they WILL go away. I hate the word "time" also because that's simply what it takes. It also takes being patient with yourself.

My symptoms were extreme and I can relate to what you are saying. If you aren't in therapy, it is a good idea to go. I have been through a group specializing in trauma. It was a 2 week course and it helped me alot. Try researching for one of those. I was inpatient when I went through it but it was worth it.

20 years old is a rough age. I remember that time for me. Everything seemed to come to the surface and I had no idea how to handle it.

I will pray for you and I hope some of the advice will help.

much love.
xxxxxxxxxx