I feel a bit scared writing this, I'm not even sure why.
I'm in hospital on a section 3 at the moment, the system has changed so I am not under my consultant that i had in the community. Anyway, there have been discrepancies regarding my diagnosis, particularly Borderline PD. I saw a psych who specalises in PDs for a second opinion/fresh look on my treatment plan, the outcome was that I have traits of both borderline PD and obsessive compulsive PD but the prominent one is avoidant pd.
I don't really get what the difference is between social anxiety and the avoidant pd. And I feel scared because I thought an SSRI was meant to help with anxiety and they are planning on taking it away and replacing it with lamotrigine. I've been in therapy for a long time, its been 5 years with my current one and I'm so frightened that this is how i will be forever.
I rarely see friends, I don't want to be a recluse but then i find socialising so draining and at times, overwhelming. But its not healthy to only see a friend once every 2 months etc.
I duno why I've written this, I guess partly I want someone to recognise that i am really struggling and give me a hug. I was also wondering if anyone else had avoidant pd? How you manage/d it?
So erm yeah, thanks.
Last edited by Cedrus : 31-12-2012 at 04:10 PM.
sticks and stones may break your bones but words can tear your heart out.
Hello, nice to see you around again; sorry to hear you're still on a section 3.
I have the most ridiculous diagnosis ever, but one of the traits in my alleged Mixed Personality Disorder is avoidant PD, and I do agree that I have traits of it, but it's something that I have learned to mask well in some circumstances. I found online communication a blessing, particularly RYL, and used it as a platform for developing social confidence. I found my feet on the uni student thread, and from there developed the self esteem to be able to meet groups of people and enjoy social interaction. I used to hate talking to friends on phones or skype, but I'm now able to do that in some circumstances.
Outside of RYL people I do still have very few friends, and tend to avoid social situations, but I do find it helpful when I do push myself into it. I find clubs or societies helpful places to ease oneself into social interaction, as it means there's stuff going on, and you can be quite quiet and get on with the activity/sport/whatever, and just gradually start talking to people.
I don't even know if that makes sense, but I wanted to try to write something of my experience.
As ever, the offer's still there if you want some company sometime; if we can find a day when we are simultaneously feeling un-avoidant!!
I'm also pleased to see you around again. :) But it does sound like things've been tough, sorry to hear that.
I have a lot of avoidant pd symptoms, as a result of long term emotional abuse. But no one's ever diagnosed it separately. I do my best to go with the flow, really. Sometimes I'm more avoidant that others, depending on how insecure and vulnerable I'm feeling. What comes across sometimes as confrontational behaviour in me is actually a compensatory thing to my avoidance a lot of the time. It can take time to find a safe, kind balance, at least for myself.
Aww, thanks for the replies and hugs guys, they really do mean a lot to me. :)
I feel like I have a huge moutain to climb and that i'm at the very bottom. It all feels so daunting and I feel exhausted already! I've decided 2013 is the year i am to focus solely on recovery (i.e forget about college/reduce pressure to meet my family's expectations).
It's really difficult because I so desperately want to be doing what others are doing but i become petrified of social interactions and im waaaayyyyyy to analytical. I think I need to work on my confidence and hopefully that will help me be able to expose myself to situations that i find troublesome.
Thanks Jenna for the offer. I will send you a message via facebook.
Thanks. :)
sticks and stones may break your bones but words can tear your heart out.
Do you feel this diagnosis is the correct one now then?
I am also focusing solely on my MH this year - I have recently realised that in the past I have thought about pleasing my family/others far above my own needs. I have decided to pretty much forget about my family for the time being - if I don't feel up to visiting I won't. If I don't feel up to calling them back if I get a missed call then I won't. I think you need to focus on you right now. I have also dropped out of Uni and have been recently diagnosed with a PD and been in hospital. So I guess I feel a lot of empathy for you.
If you ever want to talk then honestly, feel free to pm me - its nice getting messages :) haha.
To be honest, any diagnosis I am given I question, because I don't want there to be a problem. I'm human and everything is very complex, so to deduce my problems/difficulties down to a diagnosis frustrates me. I know I have many of the symptoms.
Whatr PD did you get diagnosed with? I agree with you, you need to focus on yourself. Even the nurses here wetre telling me i take on too much with regards to family and the inevitable stress that causes. I hope we can both move forwards over the next year :)
Thanks Becky. I am trying incredibly hard to remain positive. I just want my meds sorted out so I can leave and hopefully stay out of hospital. How long have you been out of hospital now?
sticks and stones may break your bones but words can tear your heart out.
Oh wow Becky, that's great! You should be proud of yourself :P I hope things continue to improve for you. I was going to say don't forget to be vocal if things are slipping but then you'd probably be worried about what SS say. If they are decent human beings they would interpret it as you showing signs of being able to look after yourself.
I had ward round earlier today. My clozapine has been upped to 400mg and he said i might possibly be able to stay on the sertraline as well as add lamotrigine. The clozapine might go up a bit more if my blood serum levels dont reach what they want.
Ward round was tough though. They are trying to help me find groups or activities where you have to socalise but i am bloody darn frightened! Most of my interests are quite solitary things. And even meeting friends is difficult. I see like groups on here that meet up and i wish so much i could too but i just imagine i'd be the quiet weird one in the corner. Or that i'd be boring and people think im stupid. Or that I'd have a panic attack. No one would probably want to meet/hang out with me anyway. I'm ****ed. lol
I'm stressed. I'm worried. I first when into hospital Dec 05 and since then i've had soooo many admissions, some short informal ones, one on a section 2 and 3 on a section 3. I feel slightly institutionalized, not in the sense that i want to be in hospital/can't shop/look after myself, but in the sense that, oh i duno. Sorry.
How on earth do people make friends?
sticks and stones may break your bones but words can tear your heart out.
I have problems with making friends due to autism (as you know), but I'm afraid that I have no idea how to make friends as I've never really worked it out.
I think you should try the groups and activities, but do it very slowly. Perhaps at first go with someone you know well, say from your mh team, and go for a short time, say, half an hour. And then increase it each time. My support worker from university has suggested this for me as a method for me joining a club at university.
However I am not sure my advice is very good as tbh I do not desire much human interaction and I would be happy just to see my friend C once a week, my mh team once a week, and spend the rest of the week alone.
Do you get overloaded and exhausted from human contact? I do. Even seeing my Dad for a few hours results in me having to sleep in a dark room afterwards.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Hi! I have Avoidant & Borderline PDs and take lamotrigine. I actually really like this medication - it's the only one I've taken that I'll admit to liking. While meds are different for different people, for me, this one has had no side effects that I've noticed and helps with anxiety and mood things. I didn't know lamotrigine was used for Avoidant, but I did know it's used off-label for Borderline (which is why I take it).
I honestly don't really know the difference between Social Anxiety & AvPD other than that Social anxiety is an Axis I disorder and AvPD is Axis II (Axis II disorders aren't usually treated with anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication, which is probably why your psych wants to remove yours). Ask the psych if he/she can explain the difference between the 2 disorders, maybe? :)
