Stupid I no, but I would appreciate your oppinions thanks ..

[day-dreamer]

I know this is a really stupid thing to write about and im sorry for writing it but at the moment it's one of the things that is playing on my mind. I feel stupid asking but I really can't talk to anybody else.

Is crying a bad, wrong, stupid, silly, immerature or a negative thing to do?

What is your opinion on this? it will help me so much to know. I hope. :/

Thanks Becci x

[talaiporia]

No, crying is a natural way of releasing emotions and is much better than say, self harming or anything else.
It is not bad, wrong, stupid, silly, immature, or negative.
It is natural.

[Fire Fly]

No ofcourse it's not any of the above you said. It's our natural instinct to release our emotions to things. It doesn't make you 'less' of a person or anything like that. It's actually healthier to cry than bottle things up.

Are you okay? X

[day-dreamer]

Thank you, i tried talking to a friend yesterday about something that has been playing on my mind and she just looked at me and said don't be stupid and cry it will just make you look more vulnerable and an easy target and then told me to sort my self out and my life out, i went from feeling sad to angry really fast.
I wouldn't mind but i don't usually talk to my family and friends about things because i hate upsetting them. I wish i had never said anything but i didn't no who else to talk to and i really needed to talk, i wasn't going to cry. :/
when i was a kid i was always taught that crying was a negative emotion as well by teachers parents now friends. I couldn't even cry for my gran at her funeral
:(.
I just cant do it its like i want to but i don't no whether i should, just encase i get into trouble for it. It sounds really stupid i no and i wish i could just make myself cry maybe i would feel better x

[day-dreamer]

it was probably my fault with my friend tbh she probably felt uncomfortable talking about what i needed to talk about. Now that i have thought about it i shouldn't have said anything to her that i new would probably make her feel uncomfortable. If i had carried on keeping it to myself then this whole thing wouldn't have happened. See i want to cry but i can't i just feel guilty and angry. I have made myself like this haven't i. :/

[talaiporia]

I don't think she was right, but she's entitled to her opinion.

Crying is okay.

[[Awakening]]

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaiporia

No, crying is a natural way of releasing emotions and is much better than say, self harming or anything else.
It is not bad, wrong, stupid, silly, immature, or negative.
It is natural.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tinkles x

No ofcourse it's not any of the above you said. It's our natural instinct to release our emotions to things. It doesn't make you 'less' of a person or anything like that. It's actually healthier to cry than bottle things up.

Are you okay? X

I totally agree with both of these! I used to cry a lot - I needed to! Now I cry less, but I still cry when it's needed. It's a health release of emotions.

I can see what you're friend meant, as in certain circumstances crying can bring unwanted/unhealthy attention but I think most healthy, loving adults would respond by providing the appropriate comfort or support needed.

It's really sad that you were brought up to believe crying is a bad thing, it's so important to be able to express yourself and show your emotions. It's shocking that you would get in trouble for crying! That's like telling someone off for coughing! (In my opinion)

It's sounds like you could be right, perhaps your friend was uncomfortable with the conversation and responded in that way because she didn't know how else to respond. Please don't take this as proof that you should keep things bottled up though! It's really unhealthy to keep things bottled up - everyone needs someone (or a number of people!) to offload to. Do you see a counsellor or do you think you could find a counsellor to discuss these difficult things with? Either way, please know that you can talk to us about them, there's a lot of people here with a lot a wisdom

Please don't feel guilty, you obviously needed to talk, it's just unfortunate that your friend wasn't receptive to it. There are people out there who want to listen though and people who can cope with hearing difficult things - so please, please keep trying!

Do you feel like you need to cry? You could always try to create the setting to release your emotions... e.g. relaxing music, low lighting, safe warm room, etc... somewhere you feel safe to let yourself cry?

[day-dreamer]

Thank you for support and advice, but why does it still feel wrong? I feel like I need to but I can't, it's like when I am angry or upset and I feel like I'm going to cry I keep swallowing, close my eyes really tight and try to think of something else. It's really hard to explain to be honest.
I used to see a counsellor but when my gran died a couple of months ago she suggested that I have some time of from it and I agreed and I'm struggling to go back the now.
I tried the light and the music suggestion but nothing happened. I tried to think of all the sad and bad things that have happened It just didn't feel right. I will try again though.
Thank you again for taking the time reading and writing back
Becci x

[[Awakening]]

Throughout your life you've learnt to avoid crying, so understandably this could take a while to unlearn. Be gentle with yourself, it's hard to learn to feel and think differently.

Sometimes I still feel things that I know aren't true. I can either choose to entertain those feelings and spiral downwards into lies... or I can choose to concentrate on facts, on logic, on truth and avoid allow my feelings to get the better of me. It's hard, and take time but it's possible. Kind of like repeating a mantra that doesn't feel true, eventually you start to believe it. After all that's often how we've come to believe these feelings anyway (by people, or ourselves constantly reinforcing them)

Don't feel you need to make yourself cry. Perhaps you could just repeat to yourself that it's ok to cry if you need to, that it's not a weakness but a strength, that it's a healthy release of emotions etc... You're unlikely to feel any different to start with but over time you'll likely start to believe it.

What do you think you're struggling to go back to counselling now? x

[day-dreamer]

Awakening thank you.
I think that i am just scared of opening up, letting everything out, crying, being embarrassed, feeling guilty, not being able to speak again and looking stupid. It was so hard last time, most of the time i couldn't speak i just listened or my answer would be i don't no, because i was scared of what she would say. It wasn't her fault she was nice it's just me i have dealt with all of this by myself for a long time and its really hard thinking about it let alone talking about it. I keep telling myself that she is there to help me not judge me but it wont sink in i will book an appointment then i will cancel it. I just feel like I'm stuck in a rut and it my own fault.

[Gunnergirl]

Hey,

I was taught the same thing but it is ok to cry. I find it hard too..
Have you tried a tear jerker film like 'pay it forward' or 'the green mile'? I'm sure there are more films that could get you started. The hard part is letting it continue if you need to.

It is a healthy way of releasing emotions.

Thinking of you

[day-dreamer]

Hello,

Thank you for you suggestion i will see if i can find some films to watch, i did watch p.s i love you because i love that film and one of the songs in it means a lot to me, but i just stared at the t.v nothing happened :/ but i will try some more.
I think that it has just been drilled in to me for so long and now that im older i can't release them but i no i need to and surely it shouldn't be this hard to do something so simple.

[MagpieBlues]

Emotions are really complex things. Crying is actually a lot more complicated than you might thing, because your emotions are all linked with your experiences, so like others have said, if you have been taught this is bad, then it may take a long time to unlearn it.

Could you go somewhere quiet where you are all on your own, or in the dark somewhere? Like sit inside your wardrobe or hide under the duvet? Or under your bed? Sometimes when I am feeling really upset, those places make me feel a little safer, and because you are so obviously on your own, in the dark, sometimes it can be a little easier to let those emotions out.

I wouldn't like, go and sit in the wardrobe and hope to cry or something. You can't force yourself to feel a certain emotion/have a certain reaction - it just happens. Maybe if you tried not to think about it so much it might just happen? Maybe not straight away, but if you keep reassuring yourself in your head ('it is ok to cry') and if you feel really sad going somewhere 'safe' incase you do cry, then maybe with time it will happen eventually.

[day-dreamer]

MagpieBlues thank you for support and suggestions. I will try some of them when i feel sad or frustrated. I just thought at my age i would have learnt now how to understand and control my emotions.
The last few years i have lost a lot of confidence and have low self esteem this is probably also down to bad experiences. It's like i have all of these bad memories and flashbacks going round in my head and it really upsets me and its like i really want to cry i can feel it but i wont let myself because im scared to do it just encase and it makes me mad. If that makes sense.
I understand and i appreciated everything that you have all said and for your support.
Thank you all again
Becci x

[MagpieBlues]

I can empathise with that. I find it extremely hard to talk about how I feel because I'm scared that as soon as I do I will just melt on the floor or explode or something. It's easier to avoid it rather than face it and deal with the problem.

Sometimes it takes people longer to learn how to deal with their emotions, especially if their emotions are on a wider scale than the 'average'.

Maybe you could try going back to your counsellor. Sometimes writing things down instead of saying them is easier.

[Ballerina123]

When I was in hospital once I was told that crying was the healthiest way to express an emotion x

[day-dreamer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MagpieBlues

I can empathise with that. I find it extremely hard to talk about how I feel because I'm scared that as soon as I do I will just melt on the floor or explode or something. It's easier to avoid it rather than face it and deal with the problem.

Sometimes it takes people longer to learn how to deal with their emotions, especially if their emotions are on a wider scale than the 'average'.

Maybe you could try going back to your counsellor. Sometimes writing things down instead of saying them is easier.

ok thank you x

[day-dreamer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ballerina123

When I was in hospital once I was told that crying was the healthiest way to express an emotion x

thank you for sharing that x

[Emily The Strange]

hi there. sorry to here that things arent so great at the moment. i havent got much advice but id like to say that i agree with what everyone else has said. you need to cry, its the healthiest way to release emotion.
i can empathise with you on not being able to aloow yourself to cry. when i was growing up i was constantly told crying showed weakness and if i ever did cry i was punished for it. once its a habit to avoid emotions altogether then its hard to access them again but give it time and you will be able to allow tourself to cry again. i was told by a therapist that the best way was to write down everything that had upset me each day and allow myself 10mins each day to access my emotions, if i cried it was ok because i was given permission for that 10mins, once the 10mins was up i could go back to avoiding again. eventually i found myself accessing my emotions without really thinking about it. i still find it difficult at times but its a massiv weight lifted when i can let some of it out.
i hope that things sort themselves out for you soon.
take care. x

[day-dreamer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emily The Strange

hi there. sorry to here that things arent so great at the moment. i havent got much advice but id like to say that i agree with what everyone else has said. you need to cry, its the healthiest way to release emotion.
i can empathise with you on not being able to aloow yourself to cry. when i was growing up i was constantly told crying showed weakness and if i ever did cry i was punished for it. once its a habit to avoid emotions altogether then its hard to access them again but give it time and you will be able to allow tourself to cry again. i was told by a therapist that the best way was to write down everything that had upset me each day and allow myself 10mins each day to access my emotions, if i cried it was ok because i was given permission for that 10mins, once the 10mins was up i could go back to avoiding again. eventually i found myself accessing my emotions without really thinking about it. i still find it difficult at times but its a massiv weight lifted when i can let some of it out.
i hope that things sort themselves out for you soon.
take care. x

Thank you and thanks for sharing that with me it really does mean a lot.
take care too.
Becci x