Lost

[bjm5225]

I'm not really sure where to put this thread so apologies if I'm breaking an rules.
I've just felt so off lately. The last two months ive been going through a turbulent and emotional patch but it so different to anything ive exprerienced before. I attempted suicide 3 months ago. My doctor thought after that i should be taken off my meds. Since ive been of them ive felt so terrible constantly. Physically and mentally. I dont sleep. dont eat. i still go to my meetings and do my best to stay clean. But i cant find any happiness. Im so scared that im gonna do something compulsive and rash. I dont want to throw away everything ive gotten back but my heads killing me. I feel so paranoid and delusional. I cant trust anyone and i cant ask for help. Only on here or in meetings where there is some level of anonymity. Otherwise i just put on a brave face. I keep thinking il snap out of it. But i dont. And time is flying by so fast. Soon im gonna be a dad. I dont want to **** that kid up so sometimes i think maybe its best if i just go.

sorry for this rant. its been a long time

[PassedExpectations]

hey, how are you doing? sorry it has been such a long time to get a reply

i think it would probably be good to go back and talk to your doctor again to let them know that you really aren't doing ok at all...

brave faces take a ton of energy to keep up, try to let yourself just be once in a while.

killing yourself won't help the kid *hugs*

[MagpieBlues]

Having a child is an extremely stressful thing, and it's understandable why you're feeling so stressed and crap at the moment on top of everything else.

If you want to be able to see your child and make it happy then unfortunately you're going to have to do something about the current situation. I.e. go to your doctor and tell them how you are feeling. I know it can be really scary but once you've done that then you will be able to get the help you need.

Your child won't be completely happy if they don't have a dad there to help guide them through life (which, as you know, can sometimes be a tough place), especially if they know the circumstances of your death.

Honestly, going to the doctors is a much better option than committing suicide.

It sounds like you've been doing extraordinarily well considering how you're feeling - try to hold onto that.

Good luck with everything and congratulations on your baby! :)