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Is this just an OCD thought or should I be genuinely worried?
I think I wrote about this in another thread post, but in grade 7, I was in charge of lunch-monitoring kindergartens with my best friend, and two or three adults. Now, back then, I didn't know that sexual thoughts about kids were wrong. I also didn't know about how bad molestation was. (I'm in grade 11 now, so of course I am more knowledgeable about these things.)
So, one day, one of the girls in kindergarten came to school wearing a sleeveless shirt. I kind of had a shoulder fetish at that time, so now I'm about 99% POSITIVE that the sight of her bare shoulders turned me on. So, with that happening, and considering how I didn't know about the trauma that molestation can cause someone, I'm thinking that I might have rubbed her shoulders or did something inappropriate. But I can't tell anymore! I have no memories of the rest of that day.
From my experience, one way I can tell that my thoughts are unreliable is if I constantly seek reassurance that I'm innocent. Every time I seeked reassurance about my thoughts, those thoughts turned out to be major overreactions. And because of the thought above, I am spending 24/7 trying to find evidence of what happened on that day. BUT, since this is one of my more serious obsessions, I can't just wave it off as being baseless, right?
Should I seek out that girl at my old school, and ask her if I touched her? Or should I get the police to launch an investigation? OR, should I just forget about it, and think about it as just another OCD thought?
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