I'm dropping in to ask for a bit of advice on this, as I know lots of folks here have experience, and some of you even know me, which helps.
So. Sigh.
My manager is referring me to Occupational Health, to get all my reasonable adjustments officially clarified and backed up. In particular the one about my currently not leading events and activities, especially with children - due to emotional flashbacks and dissociative fight-flight stuff.
Background info - I was bullied all through school, and got re-traumatised in teaching, which, along with a bunch of other stuff led to my breakdowns.
I have some fear and paranoid feelings about referrals to OH.
Every time I've been sent along to OH [except the first, I grant that], I've had to try and explain the intricacies of my symptoms and the ones that fall outside my clinical diagnosis. As in, the fact that I have sub-threshold personality disorder [acknowledged by my GP, but never written down in any paper work - she refuses to add anything beyond depression, citing it as being 'simpler' *headspin*] and some trauma symptoms going on [my GP won't even acknowledge that that's what they are, though they blatantly are, and my therapist can back me up on that - though she's not NHS].
Basically, I want to start helping out with activities, but I need support, and even if one were planned I might not be well enough on that day, as my symptoms fluctuate.
- Does anyone have any thoughts about where I can even start in explaining this to an OH professional?[I think I'm seeing the nurse who was convinced I have Bipolar, and so it goes on.. Sigh.]
- Any ideas of how not to get taken over by BPD-head on the day of the appointment?
My last OH report says something along the lines of my having long term psychological ill health or some such. I guess that says it all really. Ick.
I find it really disquieting, as I've just come to a point where I am comfy with not having a 100% clear diagnosis, and now I feel I'll need to justify everything. Ugh. Or would it be ok to talk about the whole complex of symptoms and how they effect me, without going into diagnostic box details? Because my diagnosis, like, isn't a box!
I think talking about all your symptoms and how they affect you would be a good idea. I mean people can have the same diagnoses but have symptoms come out in a different way than your and it can affect them in different ways to you as well. So I don't really think diagnoses matters so much.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
Sorry I didn't reply last night, was on phone/night shift.
It depends what you're looking for OH-wise. I mean, there are definite things that work could be doing to help you out, and reasonable adjustments but they're probably going to be looking at you to know what would be best.
I would try and explain the sub-threshold stuff, and the symptoms because it's helpful for them to know. I think they should know about PD's, so to say "I have subthreshold ..." should be sufficient.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
I agree with Amy that it is the impact that it has on you and not the diagnosis that is relevant e.g if you were in a wheelchair the why doesn't matter to work it is what they can do about it that does. Officially I have a PD, but my medical report for OH instead mentions psychological difficulties due to trauma as my psychologist isn't into labels. OH already know you have difficulties and the meeting should be on looking forward to what support you need. You are allowed to take someone with you if you want.
Really, by now I know that my diagnosis, beyond long term mh/emotional difficulties, is none of their business. But they always ask, and sometimes people look askance when I say depression, and ask why I'm still depressed after x years. How could I manage something like that?
I know it's kind of a simplistic explanation but could you say that some people get kind of "acute" depression which they get better from fairly quickly, others have reccurent depression where they have times of feeling depressed and times of feeling ok, but you have chronic depression so you are depressed pretty much all the time but can have good and bad days?
Really though I would just set straight "this is what I can do, this is what I absolutely can't do, this is what I need support doing".
Really, by now I know that my diagnosis, beyond long term mh/emotional difficulties, is none of their business. But they always ask, and sometimes people look askance when I say depression, and ask why I'm still depressed after x years. How could I manage something like that?
I can understand why that hurts. I have physical conditions like that; and it can really seem like they are saying 'look other people get better much faster than you so what is wrong with you that you can't'; but that isnt always the case. Sometimes its misunderstanding on my part you know?
Writing about your needs; all of them is a good idea; but it needs to be done in a 'good' moment, because it may trigger stuff. Would you be able to say you want to talk needs/feelings and not about diagnosis because you don't find it helpful?
Thing is, there's lots of things I actually CAN do, but the potential risk for varying degrees of 'meltdown' is too high - and that wouldn't be good for me, my colleagues, or the customers. Hence my asking for support - and more than shadowing a colleague leading an activity once then doing it myself, that isn't what I class as support for someone with the kind of difficulties I have.
One thing I really cannot do is be working when there is a large event, with little physical space, and especially with lots of children running around. Which is why they send me to a different branch when such is happening. However if I was sat behind a table doing something specific at said event, I could cope. However when I asked for that with my previous manager, she refused and so sent me elsewhere, because she wanted everyone walking around.
Becca, I could maybe say 'well, I have recurring depressions of varying severity with a baseline of chronic low mood and marked anxiety, alongside enduring emotional difficulties due to childhood trauma'. A bit of a mouthful, but..
I have actually emailed my manager to see if he can specify for them not to discuss my diagnosis, due to it being unhelpful and distressing. He's not replied yet, but at least I've tried.
Really, I need to be protected from situations where agitation and panic might be severely triggered - as far as that can be controlled, eg tasks given etc.
One thing that really worries me is customers figuring out that I obviously have mental health issues, which the extended contact of leading an event might do. I've already had a customer moan that I wasn't smiling, and others asking me if I'm crazy [in a serious, demeaning kind of way] when simply serving them at the desk, but when I've had an 'unwell day' - though I do try my best to keep things tucked in at work.
I do need consistent regular respite away from public facing, and when the office which is my respite closes, there needs to be some other things planned - though I've already discussed this with my manager and he's supportive.
One thing that really worries me is customers figuring out that I obviously have mental health issues, which the extended contact of leading an event might do. I've already had a customer moan that I wasn't smiling, and others asking me if I'm crazy [in a serious, demeaning kind of way] when simply serving them at the desk, but when I've had an 'unwell day' - though I do try my best to keep things tucked in at work.
I do need consistent regular respite away from public facing, and when the office which is my respite closes, there needs to be some other things planned - though I've already discussed this with my manager and he's supportive.
I can understand that being hurtful and upsetting. I did the same thing when I worked - keeping things 'tucked in'; but of course on bad days that is very very hard to do.
Write what you need as: I am able to do x, y and z. I would be able to do a, b and c if the following reasonable adjustments.... were in place. I am already receiving appropriate support for my MH needs through my doctor and therapist. That way they will only look at whether what you are asking for is reasonable and not ask questions about your MH. You may find access to work helpful if any RA require funding.
My manager has confirmed that he will specify that they not go into queries around my diagnosis. I'm surprised that he agreed that, to be honest.
Days like today when I feel so low and raw and sensitive that I just want to hide away and cry.. but I don't, but I can't, so I somehow bear it and carry on, are difficult.
They are already aware you have needs so the reasons behind it aren't relevant to the assessment, so can see why they would agree. At least you don't have to worry about that part now. Maybe ask for time to ring someone or access to a quiet place if needed.
A problem is that we are often really short staffed, and also that my manager is also often at a different branch. Short staffing means I cannot escape as much as I need to for respite. Manager not being around can add to my feelings of insecurity and anxiety.
Is it reasonable to mention these things do you think? You see, they might then say tough, or some such. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
But, think about it carefully; because what they may respond with could be very upsetting. Can you think of something that could help in that situation other than the manager needing to be around? If you can, could you mention that if you mention it? I admit I can't think of anything but perhaps you can.
Well, I had it today. It was the dr I saw last time, and which really upset me. He was ok today, and the appointment seemed ok, and he seems to understand and be sympathetic.
But some of the things my manager had written in my report.. are horrible, and have made me feel so so so low. Seems I am a burden, in so many words, though obviously he didn't use those words. Neither was there any note of how hard I work and that the things I can do are worth anything. Maybe it's not right to include those things, but it would have made things feel more balanced.
I feel terrible. But I'll get through it.
My emailing him with my periodic concerns take up too much of his time. [10 minutes or so a week, I would have thought?] The adjustments are difficult and put a strain on things when we're short staffed.
Talking to him about it would be doing exactly the thing he doesn't want.
He's basically overstretched, as is our team.
