I've been really stressed due to school (uni) and other stuff lately. It's been maybe around 3 and a half years since I've cut, but it's been really tempting lately. Chances are I won't end up doing anything, if only because my roommate is my best friend, there's no way I'd be able to hide it from her, and she's struggled with self-injury as well (I don't want to trigger her). But it's getting harder to find reasons not to give in when I know it would help me get through this rough patch till Christmas break. I guess I'm just looking for someone to knock some sense into me and remind me why I shouldn't/don't need to cut. If you guys could help me out with some reasons, please? Thanks!
To The Light My blog on "Mercy Ministries, mental illness, self-injury & other important topics."
Wow you sound just like me right now. Ironic thing is that i have a roomie that used to cut too! Lol u dont live in north texas do you? Haha anyways, down to the point of things! I've gotten back into SIing myself, and i'm a sophmore in college so i can sort of relate on some basic level. You definetally dont want to get back into it, trust me. Its just a downward sprial that will worsen what you are already going through that pushed you to reconsider SI in the first place. It isolates you cause you have to hide it and keep secrets and lie and that isolation just makes the pre-existing problems (for me it was depression and anxiety) worse. I went from being happy and thinking i coudl do it this semester to having suicidal thoughts because i just wanted out that badly. You really don't want to end up there. Though, dont worry, i dont plan to and dont want to cause then i wouldnt get the joy of living! I have friends, family, and bands i love and care about and look up to and to do that would hurt them and let them down. i could never do that. Anyways, back to you. SI is a downward spiral that isolates you and make you feel ashamed and it just worsens what provoked it in the first place. It doesnt fix things, either - it just puts a blanket over the problem for a short while, and in time the gale force winds called life blow it right off and your back at square one. Its much better to find some more positive way to cope with your problem, a way that doesnt involve hurting yourself. Because really, all that time you use hurting yourself and taking care of the injury afterwards could be used for something productive, be it going over the notes for class or making cookies or whatever. Really, SI is a downward spiral - you don't want to do it. It just makes things worse while simultaneously convincing you it helps and means you no harm. But it doesn't help - it covers up a problem that, if ur SIing, needs more than a bandaid and it creates just as many problems as it covers up. And it makes life so much harder to bear once you become readdicted to it, with all the pain, shame, and isolation.
Anywyas...If your stress is academic related, i woudl suggest doing what PassedExpectations suggested to me - study. Its something thats productive and gets you involved and it should help not only channel the anxious energy but alieviate your anxiety some. If your like i am right now and too keyed up and anxious to just sit down, perhaps do something physical for a bit to get rid of it - clean the whole dorm/apartment, go work out with a friend, etc.
You said you were three and a half years free, and i think that's great! Is there something that helped you handle stressful times then that you might be able to do now? And if not, is there soemthing else you can try that might help? Like my friend suggested working out and meditating, and though i havent tried them ive heard them suggested a lot and noticed that physical activity does help me.
And about your roommate - because im in the unique situation of having a former cutter as a roommate whiel being one myself. I've been cutting for about two months now, and i dont think she's noticed. I think she's noticed my depression, but not the selfharm. Granted you said you're best friends with your roommate, so perhaps that changes things. If my roommate were doing it again and wanted help, and i was besties with her, i'd want her to come talk to me. Maybe you cantalk to yours? I mean, you could even just say you've been having a rough time and want some advice, or want someone to distract you and get you out of your head for a bit. I do that with my two freinds who live in the dorm with me - i never tell them i want to self harm, i just tell them that ive been having a rough time and either we'll talk about it and they'll give me advice or i'll straight up tell them i want to go out to lunch or go to a movie or something cause i need a break. They can tell even without me telling them, my roommate included, when something's wrong so i dont have to tell them that not everything's okay.
Anyways, i hope things get better for you. Is there something you really enjoy that you could get into, maybe to help you relax and enjoy yourself more, and get your mind of things? I really enjoy writing, and following my favorite bands. Fangirling is the best solution, cause i dont have to actualy put effort into distracting myself cause it just comes naturally. I love it and in minutes i'm grinning like an idiot cause joel faviere released another acoustic up on youtube and i just have to go see it cause i sure it'll be amazing. Sometimes i write when i'm upset, too.
Anyways, sorry for the rant. >_< Its long winded. Anyways, i'm gonna get going. I need to clean up a bit and get started on that to do list for my classes. If you ever want someone to talk to, feel free to PM me, okay? =) I'll listen.
I've been needing to remind myself why not to also. Here are some reasons that help me.
1) It will leave scars, scars that are permanent.
2) You will have to hide it and possibly wear different clothes as a result, making it so you can't wear some of your clothes that you really like.
3) If you do it just once, you will want to do it again, and even if you're okay with doing it for a while, it will be difficult to stop again when you want to stop.
4) By not doing it, you're respecting your body by being nice to it. The one thing you'll always have is your body, so being gentle with it and taking care of it is a good idea.
I'm sorry things are difficult for you right now, but you can get through this!
another reason not to harm is that getting through the next couple weeks will be easier if you're feeling capable and in control. self harming would undermine those feelings
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Had a bit of a rough night on Friday - therapy did not go well at all. I had been struggling with some school stuff, and was trying to get back on track, but then due to some circumstances beyond my control, I didn't really end up getting much of anything done, and fell even more behind. Among other things, my therapist told me that I messed up. Like I wasn't (mentally) beating myself up enough already! Pretty sure if I lived alone or even with a different roommate, I would've ended up SI'ing last night. Glad I didn't. My roomie and I watched some "Scrubs" and played Mario Kart instead, and I felt much better afterwards!
KariNicole, I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling so much right now too. Thanks for reminding me of some good reasons to not get back into it!
A lot of my stress right now is definitely academic related. I've been trying to study, but often get distracted in my apartment. I'm planning on spending more time on campus this week though - I'm in one of the choirs, and we have rehearsal about every day this week, leading up to our big Christmas concerts on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I think that will help - having hours on campus between chapel in the morning and rehearsal in the evening with nothing to do but homework, haha!
AlwaysLoca, good reasons! I especially like #4. Part of the reason I've SI'ed in the past is to give myself a "good reason" to take care of myself and be gentle with myself...I need to remember that I can do that even if I don't SI first.
To The Light My blog on "Mercy Ministries, mental illness, self-injury & other important topics."
Like I wasn't (mentally) beating myself up enough already! Pretty sure if I lived alone or even with a different roommate, I would've ended up SI'ing last night. Glad I didn't. My roomie and I watched some "Scrubs" and played Mario Kart instead, and I felt much better afterwards! 
