I'm not sure what I am going to write. Hence saying may be. I just don't know what to do. My CMHT are playing silly beggars. They are bullying me to do DBT, I've explained why it isn't appropriate, as have others, but they refuse to listen. I explained what I wanted, but that isn't allowed according to the new manager as it is unfair to others.
I nearly died in June. I spent days phoning them in a state (no memory of that whatsoever) a friend wrote to them and asked why they were abandoning me to the care of A (who everyone lies and pretends doesn't exist) and CMHT accused her of assault for writing! They tricked me into hospital with threats of sectioning, and when I was there they had a go at me for wasting a bed. I was assulted whilst there and the staff said it was to be expected on a ward with ill people - he delibrately assaulted me because I am physically disabled. If it wasn't for someone very dear to me being there at the same time and being able to sort a major misunderstanding I wouldn't have coped with being there at all.
So now they have discharged me effectively, I have a care co-ordinator but they aren't allowed to see me. I'm supposed to go to the GP (who laughed when I told her) or to CAB (who threatened to phone the police).
What is so wrong with sitting with someone for an hour so they can talk about what they are going through? The manager says it's against the law in Wales now to do that. Must do DBT or nothing at all. Left to die. Can't even do that right. I mean they knew my plan; they knew about the train they knew I was going to die yesterday and they didn't even check to see if I was ok.
I phone, public phone as I don't have a mobile, public computer to type this, and am expected to discuss suicide/self harm. In a supermarket. And I can't
my gp wants me being seen but how can I ever trust these people again? How? They lied to me and tricked me. I told her they should have left me to die in June. It's cruel to save someones life, force them to live and then make fun of it. I asked the doctor to let me die but he refused, then I got into trouble for it.
Tommorow I'm supposed to see the head consultant from miles away and I can't. I can't even manage a GP appointment without hysterics. I can't trust anyone. I can't talk to anyone in case I kill them, because I have made two people at CMHT have breakdowns apparently cos I talked about not having calls returned. *I* made people try to kill themselves. How can I live with that?
