OK, so I am 23 and have been with my for 2.5 years. I love him so much and up until recently everything was great, we have our own house, good jobs and plans for thef future......that is until he starting drinking again.
The previous 2 years past he has had problems with his drinking come summertime. He doesn't drink the other 9 months of the year as he is a top sportsman. Last year he got really out of control and was addicting to drinking and marjuana, he became extremly nasty and anger all the time and always denied he had a problem and would accuse me of making thing up when I tried to explain his behaviour. It got t a point where he was almost physotic, he was say the nastiest things and he would do mental thing like take away all my blankets and pillows when in bed an keep seaking to me while i was trying to sleep "to keep me awake so I was tired". He would be so sweet and caring one minute and then completely awful the next saying unimaginable things and always assering I was in the wrong, I was stupid and everything was always my fault. It was exhusted. It all came to a head when I had had enough and we broke up. I was devastated but knew it was for the best. It was a mont or so later e admitted to cheating and he was beside himself and wanted to try again, he finally admied he had a problem and he promisd to giveb both alcohol and marajuana up but he refused counselling. I knew he was really genuine and I decided to give him a chance, I set clear boundaries and stated he woud have to keep his promise and not drink or do drugs.
When he is sober and clean he is the nicest guy ever, ver intelligent, caring and helpful. He treats me beautifully and I end up believing we could have alife together.
He kept that promise all year until about 2 months ago when he starting drinking and he recently starting smoking marajua again.
I am starting to feel as though I am mental :(. He is so nasty, even when he isn't drinking he is so different and always mood, when I ask him about it he justs says im always grumpy and it's me and not him. When he drinks he doesn't stop and gets so drink and incoherent its embarassng and its very hard to deal with. I worry about him when he is out but then I dread him coming home because he is s viciou with his words.
Last night we had a bbq and he had a couple of drinks, he told me a contractor had dropped them at the gate as a thank you for recent work we had done.I thought it was a little odd and checked ou bank balance and it is obvious he brought them himself and then blatantly lied to me (he is usually a very moal and honest person), things seemed ok when everyone was here but once everyone was gone he continued to drink alone. When he came to bed he was drunk but being very sweet, I dont know what happened but next minute he is arguing over nothing and when I wouldn't reply to his taunts he jut got nasty and said hurtful things (lik your'd be a terrile mother, your stupid, its no suprise you have no friends, your ex bf hates you, my family hates you, yor false/fake, your ugly etc), I know this isn't the person I know and I try my hardest to ignore it but it still upsets me. Even worse is that I have exams on and it is a time when I really need support more than ever.
He is now drinking daily as he "needs a cold beer" afte work but it's never one - it usually eds up being a whole box!
Ive had enough of him being so cruel and I'm sick of having a partner who I cannot even havea conversation with because he is so irrational and mean. He always turns it on me and says I make things up. Im not perfect but I am avery calm person and I actually do not do anything that would upset a normal person. I am extra careful not to do basic things or say certain things because it sets him off - i walk on eggshells.
His family do not perticlalry care and he is very good at bein manipulative and making me out as the bad guy. Quite often he makes things up "that I have said" and of course when I attempt to state I didn't do or say that it justs looks like Im trying to cover myself.
He father is a complete loser and has been drunk and drug dependant most of his life, however my partner did not grow up with his father and does not see him. His brother is an even bigger loser who gets drunk and smoke drugs and doesn 't put his two kids first. We spend tie with his brother as we lve the children and his brother knew why my parntr didn't drink or do drugs bt has started encouraging him to partake and it obviously causes a lot of problems.
His mother is lovely but I can't really talk to her as her son can do no wrong and his stepdad is comeone I could talk to but when I have done this once before his mother stepped in and took ov asseerting there was nothing wrong, she even told him he didn't need counselling when h had agreed to go - therefore he didnt go.
Is anyone else in this situation? I feel like im going nuts and I don't know what to do. I don't know if he can even be helped because he doesn' think he has a problem and me telling him to move out does not faze him at all, he ven said he would refuse to and will sleep in the spare room just to make my life hell.
I love him so much but i don't know this person he has become, I just want my lovely former partner back, the one who doesn't drink or do drugs.
Please help
Candy Tetris
Mahjong
Othello
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