I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and bulimia. I have been on various medications, gone through several years of therapy, and have been hospitalized twice for suicide attempts.
I am in college now, and I am being required by the university to see a psychiatrist and therapist on a weekly basis... But I don't see the point.
I don't want to get better. I don't want to stay this way and hurt everyone around me, but I just want it all to be over. I am not going to attempt suicide again... I just don't see the point of therapy. It seems like there is nothing left to talk about. I don't think I am a bad person or a failure, and I don't hate myself. I just don't want to live.
I feel like I have made no progress in therapy for the past year because this is who I am. I have no goals or ambitions anymore, and I truly don't think that this is the depression speaking. I just don't see a point in living, and I don't see why I would continue to live with no purpose.
I don't feel hopeless about the future... but I have no hopes for my future.
Is it even worth it for me to keep going to therapy?
I have been through this. I have a serious mental illness. Now I am still struggling but working through it. I work on a psychiatric unit and intern at an outpatient program. I preach to others to find something that they enjoy doing and do it. I don't just mean my career but sports, instruments, animals. I play the guitar and I suck but I love it. Try focusing on the positives, on the things that have gone right. I do hope that you are feeling better.
I think it could still be beneficial for you. What if you tried talking to your therapist about the fact that you don't see any purpose or progress in your life? Maybe through talking about your life you could discover a new purpose. Even if you are right and it is not due to the depression or any related issue, talking could still be helpful for you in finding a new purpose and, if not happiness, then at least a reason to go on living.
“Too late, I found you can't wait to become perfect, you got
to go out and fall down and get up with everybody else.” Ray Bradbury in Something Wicked This Way Comes
Would you say you don;t want to get better, or that you don't think you can get better. Sometimes, especially when you are slogging through therapy, it just seems like too much damn hard work to get better. Maybe this is affecting you?
Or do you think you might want to get worse so they will step in and help you in someway that will make you better?
Just some theories I thought I'd throw out there, no worries if I'm completely wrong.
I know its very hard to lvie with no purpose, I have been there, in a dead end job with nothing but depression, but it is possible to work through it and find some goals, even small ones, for example I recently started volunteer work, it's just 2 hours a week but it's something to do and I go out for dinner afterwards with my parents which is something to look forward to.
I don't know what else to say,but I really feel for you. Ryl is always here if you need to talk about anything.
I agree with everything Frozen Inside said... I think you should go to therapy and discuss your thoughts about this with them and see if you can come up with some kind of "action plan" together... I dont think you have anything to lose in going along, so it cant hurt... I hope this time it helps you!
I get what you mean. I guess these thoughts and feelings become so ingrained that it feels like there is nothing to get better from, or that thats just the way it is - because nothing seems to help or get rid of them.
I feel the same too - I just dont want to be alive, regardless of how I feel. And I dont feel that I need to justify it, as its my decision, my choice, my body.
I still think you should go though, cant hurt to try. x
