Scars and work

~sara~ · 14-10-2012, 05:04 PM

Bit of background first; I work in a nursery/flying start children's centre and have been there for 6 months and the uniform is a polo T-shirt.
I've been self-harm free for a while now, though I obviously have visible scarring over the whole of my arms.

On Thursday, I went into work at 8 am as usual and within minutes my manager asked to have a quiet word with me. Turns out, one of the flying start parents had noticed the scars on my arms the day before (though I wasn't aware of this) and completely kicked off. She demanded to see my manager, though she was in another centre at the time, so the 2 members of staff she spoke to promised that they would get the manager to phone her. She did end up phoning the mother and it turns out that the mother wasn't even the one to kick off, it was the child's Aunt. My manager told me that the mother, herself and my big boss didn't have any concerns about me, and I was told that my manager was furious with the woman for the way she handled this and for even bringing it up.

My manger said that the only reason she wanted to talk to me about this was that she was concerned that I had heard some of what was said the day before and didn't want me worrying about it.

I think what really upset me was that this Aunt had to be told several times that all the staff are CRB checked and fully qualified (another member of staff told her that I'm fantastic with the kids and they couldn't ask for anyone better), so I can only imagine what sort of person this woman thinks I might be. Also, I've been there for just over 6 months now, wearing the same uniform and this woman has seen me several times while I've been on the door, so why bring it up now?!

It just makes me so upset and angry that I'm going to be coming against these types of people for the rest of my life in one way or another. One part of me just wants to hide away inside the childcare room and never go on the door again, though I realise that's not really fair on the other girls, and the other part of me wants to stick my 2 fingers up at her by making sure I go on the door often and making sure I'm sickly sweet nice to her when she's there. Though I'm worried she'll bring it up again, in front of me this time, and I'll burst into tears. Urgh, I don't know....

Stellata · 14-10-2012, 06:32 PM

It sounds like you have a really supportive manager, and that counts for a lot. It can be hard. I don't have physical scarring as such, but rather emotional scarring, which customers have remarked upon in very insensitive ways, so you have my empathy.

zivalover16 · 14-10-2012, 06:41 PM

That woman had no business doing that. Congrats on being self-harm free. It's good to hear your manager thinks so highly of you. I think you should continue working as you have been. It's a possibility that the woman was having a bad day and needed someone to take it out on (thats still not excuse for what she did). I hope you are able to work things out.

Trucktastic · 14-10-2012, 08:35 PM

I agree with Ziva - that woman had no right to go off on one because of scars, that's just ridiculous on her part. It does sound like you have a great manager, which is such a bonus!
I also have arms covered in scars, no uniform as such but I do wear short sleeves in the summer months. Most people where I work don't say anything, they don't care about scars, they care about how I work. Which is what I think the mother and your manager also care about.
Personally I think you should go about your work as you have before, you can't change what you were doing because of some intolerant, ignorant harpy. She's also not the child's main carer so shouldn't have a say in the childcare anyway.
If she has a go about you to your face about scars, then you can always retort by stating that she has got absolutely no right to judge someone for scars, and the last thing she should be doing is showing herself up to children. She doesn't even know how they were caused!
(easy for me to say that though - I think I'd punch her right in her self righteous mouth!)
But I do think if you change the way you do things because of her, then she's won. So don't (my humble opinion).

~sara~ · 15-10-2012, 04:23 PM

Thanks everyone for the replies and hugs, it means a lot.
I saw her today through the door while I was in the childcare room and I made sure I made eye contact with her and gave her a big smile! I've decided that I'm not going to avoid going on the door as I don't want her thinking that I've got anything to be ashamed of. It took me long enough to get to the point where I'm comfortable(ish) to let my scars show and I'm not going to let her take that away from me.