So symptomatic

SoDark · 18-09-2012, 08:42 PM

I'm struggling right now. I'm in a depressive phase right now and I'm miserable. I'm trying so hard. I am accepting of my illness (bipolar). I know that when I get depressed I fall fast so I am trying hard to do what I need to. Playing guitar, swimming, eating right, exercising. I have no been to the gym in months but went to a boxing class last night and I'm trying Zumba for the first time tonight. But no matter what I do I feel like crap. My depressions do tend to progress rather rapidly and I go from being a little down one day to quite suicidal the next. Does anyone have any tips for beating depression? I would greatly appreciate it.

Snow White. · 20-09-2012, 03:44 AM

Hi SoDark,

Sounds like even though you're in a really sad place right now, you are trying your best to overcome it and I am very proud of you for that. Often when in the depressed phase it can be hard to find the motivation to do those things, so I congratulate you and urge you to keep it up, even though you're still feeling crap. It's not going to make you feel any worse to be doing these things, and may help you from getting lower at least for a bit.

I understand what it is like to be in the depressive phase of bipolar, how it travels so quickly and can go from being a little bit down to being suicidal. I think sometimes for me that's the most difficult thing to comprehend because it happens so fast.

This might be a silly question, but can you talk a bit about how the depression is impacting your life right now?

I can hear you're doing some great things, guitar, eating, exercising. These things might take a while to kick in but I'm sorry to hear you're still depressed, I'm wondering what aspects it is affecting you and maybe we can work on solutions to overcome those.

As for tips, I guess when I know what your depression is doing to you we can brainstorm some specific ones, but for me I find it helps to keep engaged as best I can (difficult with depression) and ride it out, knowing it will pass. I also find engaging with my services, such as a psychologist or doctor, can help. Is that something you're able to do?

Are you on any medication at the moment?

Also I find self-soothing helps me, giving myself time out to just be a bit sad and watch a movie and snuggle into a blanket and not have to think of anything except the film can give me a small break from the reality of the depression, and a bit of comfort if snuggling into blankets is your thing.

I know what you're going through is painful - almost more painful because of how hard you're trying, but that trying is what is going to get you through this, so please, don't give up on the great work you're doing. I hope that even though you're so down you can acknowledge a bit the strengths you have in doing these activities to help you through.

All the best xx

angeldevil123 · 23-09-2012, 12:04 AM

Have you tried doing some activities to help you beat your depression, do something creative or sporty.

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Colour Blind · 23-09-2012, 03:55 PM

How are you doing now? Did you find anything that helped?

SoDark · 23-09-2012, 09:53 PM

So I'm not trying to sound dramatic but I do know my body and I know how to read my moods. I think that the meltdown is coming any day now. I'm scared. Every time it happens I think it will be the last time (for one reason or another). I feel like my career is on the line here. If I screw up I won't graduate. I can't handle anymore school. I just need to press through. I am on several medications with hefty doses and I am not interested in taking anymore.

Snow White. · 25-09-2012, 03:49 AM

Is there any support services you can speak to at school about how much you're struggling, but also, your desire to graduate?

I believe you when you say you trust your body and can read your moods, so I too would be worried if you believe a meltdown is coming any day. Has anything helped to prevent this happening in the past? Any support services you can link in with?

Perhaps if you're already on several medications they need to be reviewed, if you feel they are not helping you right now.

Keep writing xx

SoDark · 25-09-2012, 09:25 PM

Getting worse by the minute. My biggest worry is that I have failed at my internship. Since I will be there the next three days I am quite uncomfortable. Still not getting much school work done. I am stuck and f__d if I don't get unstuck very soon. Out of ideas

Colour Blind · 25-09-2012, 09:54 PM

Why do you think you've failed? What would that mean for you over the next three days there? Have you thought more about going to see someone?

SoDark · 26-09-2012, 02:05 AM

I am going to see my therapist tomorrow but going to the internship first. We had a two minute phone call today. I was losing it and she is the only one who can bring me back to reality. I get very irrational. Yesterday I had myself convinced that it would be unethical for me to continue school and become a professional. I am in grad school to become a social worker. I have come so very far but right now I am afraid that my own problems would end up hurting my clients. There are lives on the line! Right now I am way behind with paperwork and really struggling with it. Plus I think that my supervisor is very upset with the way that I handled a situation with a client. My game plan for tomorrow is to write down all of the things that I need to ask my supervisor and just see what happens.

SoDark · 26-09-2012, 10:08 PM

I am still really struggling and so anxious. I see my psychiatrist on Tuesday and I feel like I should be prepared. I take an anti-psychotic, anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, and a mood stableizer. My attitude has been for a long time that they wont find a better combination this is as good as it gets.

SoDark · 29-09-2012, 04:55 PM

I think that I am finally pulling out of this and getting some clarity so I can get my work done.