Those with partners- how do you manage your relationship and having a mental illness?
I have bipolar and traits of borderline and I have been going out with my boyfriend for two months now. He knows everything and tries to support me as best he can.
Recently I've been feeling more depressed and he's seen it a lot more- I've been crying in his arms, worrying that he'll leave me despite him promising that he wont.
What can I do to feel more reassured that he wont leave without constantly asking him? (I feel this will just annoy him after a while). I've got it into my head that he won't want someone who needs support like I do, why would he want someone who keeps crying when he could have better?
I've given him a book called "what to do when someone you love is bipolar" and he said he'll look. I also told him that if he needs help then my CMHT will talk to him about how to support me.
I encourage him to keep up with his hobbies and interests also so that he doesnt take up all of his time with me.
I am serious about this relationship, I love him so much.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
Your boyfriend is an independent person who knows that he can leave at any time. But I'm betting he doesn't because he genuinely wants to be with you, whatever that means. Being someone's life partner means being there for high and lows, good and bad, and still loving that person who's right next to you. It sounds like you two are doing a good job together.
As for asking him if he will leave constantly, give it time. You have been together just two months. As time goes on, you'll see he's in it for the long haul.
I have many of the same insecurities as you do with my girlfriend with my PTSD. I worry that she'll tire of holding me when I have flashbacks, or think some of the things I ask her are strange. But she has heard all of my trauma, seen the worst of my anxiety and fear, even seen my SI wounds, and never even gotten angry at me. I do my very, very best to trust her to know what she wants--me. And she did read a lot at first, about what I was going through.
So although I know it sounds maddening, you are probably doing all that you can right now. Relaxing and just being with him is the next step :).
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
I guess there is a difference in that me and my partner both have mental health problems, but she is more unstable than I am and I look after her mostly.
She worries I will leave her a lot, that I would be better off without her and that she's poison to everyone, but with some reasurance I think she can push past those thoughts.
Its slightly difficult in that your relationship is somewhat early days, but the facts are, he knew you had problems and carried on, he must be interested. If he opens his arms, its because he wants to support you. He is an adult and can walk away, but he's still there.
It sounds hard, but give him credit where due, ask yourself what the facts show, because worries are fears are just that. Be careful not to write the script, take it as it comes and try and enjoy the moment for what it is.
In all relationships there is a caring aspect, I don't think that everyone is put off by mental illness, its just another thing people need [support for]. Some people have 'baggage' such as kids, debts, or a really interfereing parent/family member, but if he is there, right now, its because he WANTS to be.
Keep communicating and asking what each other needs, when he needs time, and when you need reasurance, it'll be a trial and error process, but when you both want something to work, you'll find a way. There is nothing that can't be tweaked, where there's a will there's a way!
I'm in your situation in that my husband doesn't have Mh problems and I do. We've been together for 12 years now so we must have done somethig right.
Try and remember your relationship isn't about your MH problems. It's about you as a person and him as a person. Theres a lot more to you than that. I know it's hard but you need to try and not help MH stuff take over otherwise it can become very heavy and overwhelming.
Try and do things couples do even when your feeling low, it will also help ease your depression to get out and about. And if you have a heavy convo about MH make sure you also have some time not talking about it.
It mght also be worth you gettig a med review as it would be a shame for the depression to start spoiling things for you.
I think you need to remember that he loves you, and that means loving all of you, not just the "well" parts of you.
I think it's a good idea that you are helping him to be informed and involved with your care, but also leaving it to him to decide how much he does. This, I'm assuming, is the first bad patch you've been through whilst you've been with him and that is going to be hard, but try not to let the relationship be dictated by your illness. You are more than just your MH issues.
I am seeing my psychiatrist in the next couple of weeks so we can review my medication, but I don't think much can be changed.
We do have a lot of good days and do nice things together which I hope balances out the times when I feel low.
I get the feeling he wants to be with me for the long haul as we've talked about moving in together when I've finished university, so that comforts me.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
