I've Failed.. I'm Devastated.. (Long Story)

[Eugene]

Ok.. so for 7 years now i've been playing a game called World of Warcraft. it has helped me with my Anxiety/Depression so much.. without it i dont know if i would be here today..

but recently in the latest Content Update Patch 4.3, Dragon Soul was released.. i've failed many times to defeat the end-game boss (final boss on hardest difficulty)

and i vowed i would complete it this time.. so i worked my arse off.. poured myself into it but i just have such terrible luck.. im so unlucky on this game.. it's just not fair..

i try and try and try and try to find other people who are skilled but also relaxed and wont shout or get angry if we fail an attempt, and instead keep re-trying it..

but i just cant find people like that.. if they're good.. then they're also arse holes..

if they are nice people.. then they are bad players..

but anyway.. i worked and worked and WORKED to get it done.. i managed to get 5 of the 8 monsters/bosses killed it took me a month of constant hard-work to do it..

then my friend.. well.. my ex-friend logs on 1 day.. and says "hmm think ill do a raid" within 30 minutes he has found a group of people.. the perfect people

skilled but not short-temperd..


2 hours later he has done 6 of the 8 bosses..

2 HOURS TO DO WHAT TOOK ME A WHOLE MONTH? WHY ARE PEOPLE THAT LUCKY?! ITS NOT FAIR..

i was devastated it hit me like a truck.. im just as good as him im as good as some of the best players in the world.. i just have horrendous luck at finding groups of people..

anyway i was jealous of my friend.. so jealous it made me sick.. then i would feel incredibly guilty.. and the guilt would make me start crying my eyes out..

so anyway another month went by and i was still only at 5 of the 8 bosses but my friend had done 7 of the 8 bosses.. once again i was sent into a deep feeling of guilt jealousy hatred and depression.. its just overwhelming

another few weeks went by and my friend had fully completed all of the 8 bosses while i was still at 5..

that was it.. i was sent into a frothing rage.. i smashed my hands into the wall ripped out my hair punched myself in the face.. i even tried cutting myself with a knife but it wasnt sharp enough.. then i deleted my friend from my friends list.. then the anxiety hit.. and the depression..

moments later the guilt hit.. and it just kept getting worse.. and worse.. and worse.. to the point were i didnt want to live anymore.. i dont think i would commit suicide intentionaly.. because im to scared of what lies beyond (please dont mention science proving there is no life after death..).

anyway.. another few weeks went by

i found myself a guild.. they were relatively nice people.. and skilled with 8 bosses done.. i thought finaly.. a sigh of relief washed over me filling me with tranquility and peace of mind..

i thought i could contact my friend again. try to mend fences.. explain to him why i did what i had done..

but i decided it was best that i waited until i had completed the 8 bosses to try and become friends again, because if i did not i would see his 8 boss kill every day and be filled with jealousy..


then i found out that i only had 10 weeks left to complete the bosses, so i pleaded with my guild for them to grant me a spot.. so they did with the second group..

there was 1 thing i couldnt shake tho.. my friend had completed it when it was at a certain difficulty.. now if i completed it it would be 5% easier.. so that made me feel uneasy.. but then i thought.. its only 5%.... 5% is nothing.. come on lets do this..

so the next week i was allowed into the raid with group 2.. things were going sketchy.. the other tank wasnt very good.. infact the entire group wasnt very good..

failing on silly little things.. so the raid leader decided to call it quits..

then a huge feeling of panic rushed over me.. i thought "what if i never get it done before the next expansion in 10 weeks?" i was really shaking..

anyway.. 2 more weeks went by and still no progress.. i pleaded with the guild master for him to allow me into group 1 witch was more skilled..

he said "sorry you dont have achievement" basicly meaning "no, you cant raid with us until you have allready finished the raid"..

the following week i learnt some devastating news.. i would only have 3 weeks to complete my goals.. the deadline had been shortend by 5 WEEKS..

i threw up i was so scared.. i did everything i could to try and form myself a group.. meanwhile my friend had completed the raid 3 times.. but it was no use.. i just couldnt get anywhere..

i pleaded with the raid leader.. even explaining to him how important it would be to me and how much i have depending on this.. he seemd caring. he said "mate if its that important to you ill get you in group 1"

i would later find out that was a bare faced LIE..

the next week i whisperd him saying "hey am i raiding with you this week?"

he said "yes on tuesday"

so i waited until the set date..

i logged on, the raid leader was nowhere to be found.. i whisperd another member of the guild asking "isnt there supposed to be a raid with group 1 today?"

he replied "no.. they completed the raided yesterday.."

he had lied to me... worse still he told the entire guild about our private conversation.. i thought i could of trusted him.. i was so wrong

i pleaded with him "please please please can i come in next week's raid?" he said yes. be ontime tomorrow on wednesday (wednesday is when the raids reset)

so i was.. and it happend again.. this time he said "srry mate but a friend of mine desperately needs this spot and i kinda owe him"

i whispered this "friend" of his.. he didnt even know who the raid leader was. let alone was his friend..

so anyway i said in guild chat... please im begging you can i come next weeks raid? the guild members said "LOL u gonna kill urself if u dont get in? emo fag."

that hurt.. but i shrugged it off and i was promised a spot..


so today was the day.. my last EVER chance and guess what happened... i was refused entry.. this time no reason.. they just said "we dont want you"

my heart sunk.. i swear it stopped beating.. that was it.. this cold bastard just crushed my dreams i burst into tears for hours.. im still crying writing this.. but im just hoping one of you will give me some kind of support..

i've failed... again.. i feel so empty so destroyed.. im a failure not only at this game.. but at life.. at everything.. im pathetic.. im weak.. im worthless i dont deserve to live.. and frankly dont know if i want to..

i dont expect you guys to understand how i am so emotionaly worked up and destroyed over a video game

but i please ask of you do not judge me.. do not suggest i get out and make friends.. do not suggest i get a life outside of my computer room.. those words are hollow meaningless and have the same effect on me as telling me to F off..

and i ask that you carefully write your reply.. not just post just to get a good posting history and maybe some kind of praise from admins.. if you post a comment be prepared for my reply and to follow-up and respond to my reply and not jsut forget about it after you click "submit"

im devestated.. i just dont know what to do.. my goals and hopes.. crushed..

[Lilo]

Maybe you could think about starting a new goal in something that none of your friends do?

So it's just something personal to you and you are not competing against anyone you know therefore you won't have any jealousy/anger/guilt issues.

[Eugene]

this was a very personal matter, having friends and other people and seeing them complete the goal i was aiming for before me.. only added extra fuel to the fire

[Lilo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eugene

this was a very personal matter, having friends and other people and seeing them complete the goal i was aiming for before me.. only added extra fuel to the fire

Ok, well do you feel that you're in a mindset where you want to combat these intense feelings of jealousy and anger that you get?

What I meant was that get another hobbie that maybe isn't so competitive.

[Eugene]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laurawr

Ok, well do you feel that you're in a mindset where you want to combat these intense feelings of jealousy and anger that you get?

What I meant was that get another hobbie that maybe isn't so competitive.

wish it was that simple

there is very little.. maybe even no things that i am interested in

[happywondering]

I remember WoW, I played it years and years ago. The problem is I don't like playing with others, therefore I never got any of the good gear and was shiit.

However, what I don't understand is, why did you not speak to your mate when he found a good guild and ask if you could join too?

I have no idea how the game works anymore, but is the raid not available to do once the new expansion is out? Obviously it wont be the end game anymore though, which I understand wont be the same. However, if you do it, or just accept this one failed (I know failing is crap, but it happens to the best of us) and try and achieve whatever the end game raid is for the new expansion?

Maybe start your own guild? Then you can invite people who you think are good and set up your own group of people?

[Meek]

I can completely understand how you're feeling bro. I used to be hooked to an online game and I would spend several hours on bosses for unique rare drops. But after months of hunting, I would never get a drop. Seeing how others can get it within the first week, or even the first day, It seems so unfair.

Hard truth is, there is nothing to be done. There's all sorts of people on the internet, there's bad ones and there's good ones, and I am thankful for the good ones I have met.

Think of something you always wanted to do before your gaming addiction hits and you'd rush to a computer, maybe watching some telly shows would be good, anything that would take your mind off things.

[Eugene]

Quote:

Originally Posted by happywondering

I remember WoW, I played it years and years ago. The problem is I don't like playing with others, therefore I never got any of the good gear and was shiit.

However, what I don't understand is, why did you not speak to your mate when he found a good guild and ask if you could join too?

I have no idea how the game works anymore, but is the raid not available to do once the new expansion is out? Obviously it wont be the end game anymore though, which I understand wont be the same. However, if you do it, or just accept this one failed (I know failing is crap, but it happens to the best of us) and try and achieve whatever the end game raid is for the new expansion?


that is very true.

but the 1st problem is we're on different servers and i can't afford the server change.. i actualy have to buy my game time for gold..

and the 2nd problem is.. creating a raid guild now is actualy quite hard.. because everybody wants to join a lvl25 guild.
Maybe start your own guild? Then you can invite people who you think are good and set up your own group of people?

[happywondering]

You can buy game time with in game gold now? That is cool, as it was very expensive. Do they still do the thing where you can transfer your character to another server? Maybe change server and you might have better luck with the people on it. I do hope you manage to find nice but good players to play with.

Another suggestion, maybe help the nice but rubbish players get good enough to be able to be of some use?

[Eugene]

Quote:

Originally Posted by happywondering

You can buy game time with in game gold now? That is cool, as it was very expensive. Do they still do the thing where you can transfer your character to another server? Maybe change server and you might have better luck with the people on it. I do hope you manage to find nice but good players to play with.

Another suggestion, maybe help the nice but rubbish players get good enough to be able to be of some use?

yeah i tried coaching some players along, problem is people are so impatient they're like "oh if we fail once im gonna leave" how am i supposed to make those players better ><? and sometimes the 1's who are patient.. are just to terrible to help.. (standing in the fire etc)

[happywondering]

That must be really frustrating. There must be forums for WoW, maybe go snoop on there and try and find people. Though that won't help you with knowing how good they are. Sorry,I don't know what else to suggest

[Eugene]

Quote:

Originally Posted by happywondering

That must be really frustrating. There must be forums for WoW, maybe go snoop on there and try and find people. Though that won't help you with knowing how good they are. Sorry,I don't know what else to suggest

i got banned from the forums for posting some ASCII art

and dont be sorry ur been quite nice

owell out of options rly ><

[happywondering]

I almost want to start playing WoW again so I could help... almost :P

I really do hope it works out for you.

Pfft, ASCII art just isn't appreciated these days.

[Eugene]

anyway thx for the support.. but im a failure.. and i allways will be a failure.. ive accepted that now.