I'm getting help for depression, and I admit when things get really bad. I am currently feeling really bad. I've been struggling for years and every so often it feels unbearable. I can feel it taking over and it's all I can think about. I'm on ADs (I have recently changed which ones I'm on, so aware this affects things), receiving therapy, but I feel like I can't escape it. I guess I need help on how to deal with the really bad days. I'm angry at myself, feel I should be able to go to appointments and say "I feel so much better" but that never happens. I mean I have learned some things, but I just feel swamped by low emotions, it's always there, I feel exhausted and run down and get myself worked up over the slightest thing. And of course, the self destructive thoughts then come back with a bang. I also feel like I'm a waste of time and resources and not "fixable".
Okay I'm babbling, what I'm really asking is how can I help myself when things get that bad? Any coping suggestions? I feel like I can't handle anything, but at the same time, this can't go on.
Do you find your therapy helpful? Have you just started or is it something you've been doing for a long time?
I know when I'm at my worst, just getting washed and dressed takes all my physical and mental energy. So it's an achievement of sorts if I manage it, and that is what I tell myself. Often it's easier to focus on what we haven't done rather than what we have.
The other thing I do is remember other times when I have felt this depressed and how they have passed and I have survived it. And maybe learnt something from each episode of depression, too.
Sometimes it is a case of riding it out, reaching out for support and accepting that you are doing the best you can.
Oh honey - be gentle with yourself. Depression is a tough thing to overcome, and it takes time. I know that's frustrating, but try to give yourself that time.
If you're changing ADs, I'm guessing that means the previous ones weren't helpful? In that case, I really do think this change could be very beneficial and help you to feel less swamped.
You're definitely not a waste of resources, and I do believe depression is fixable!
I agree with above that small tasks can be very wearing when you're that depressed, so maybe taking your day one small thing at a time could be helpful. I don't know if this is the case for you, but I often find I'm so overwhelmed with "things I need to do" and no energy to do them that I just end up sitting about getting more and more upset. Something that helps with that is making lists. If there's something you need to do, write it down! Once the list has been made, I'll try to ask myself how important the tasks are, and start only with important ones. I think this is probably something to do with organisation giving you control, and I'm aware that might not work for everyone, but it could be worth a try.
If you're feeling low, the other thing to do is keep being gentle with yourself. If you feel like you just can't handle anything, try to do something nice for you, like watching a film (comedy!), painting, taking a bath - sometimes it can be hard to actually get out of bed and do it, but it often helps.
Also talking, getting things out, can be very helpful as it gives you a different perspective on what you're thinking. Sometimes even voicing the thoughts such as "I think I'm just rubbish" rings an alarm bell somewhere that says nobody is going to agree with that, which makes it very probably not true. If you ever need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to write to me, I'll always reply.
Ailsa xxx
"And sometimes when our fights begin,
I think I'll let the Dragons win...
And then I think perhaps I won't,
Because they're Dragons, and I don't."
Secret Squirrel, I guess in some ways therapy is helpful, but I've been having it for a year and feel guilt that I'm not recovered and scared that it will come to an end and nothing will have changed. I guess your right about riding it out, but it's so exhausting and disheartening.
Ailsa, I've found it hard to find the right AD, and am still trying to. Been told by psych I have treatment resistant depression (I just have to be that awkward). Writing a to do list is a good idea, and I work on something similar with psychologist, but it's more a case of activities to lift my mood. I feel a lot of pressure and guilt if I don't complete anything I've written down, which happens often. I like your idea of prioritizing the important things to do.
Thank you both for your kind replies, they were really helpful. I just wish I could feel normal again, but to be honest I don't think I can quite remember what that feels like.
Eeek, that must have been difficult to hear! Give this one a chance though, you never know what could happen.
I know what you mean about feeling guilty about not doing them, which is why I usually stick to the most important things first. Also reminding yourself that all that matters is that you've tried, and that is enough.
"And sometimes when our fights begin,
I think I'll let the Dragons win...
And then I think perhaps I won't,
Because they're Dragons, and I don't."
Yeh, it wasn't pleasant or reassuring to hear. Although in a way a relief because I often feel maybe this is just the way I am, there's nothing wrong with me.
Today is a low day, I wanted to stay in bed, cancel my psychologist appointment and hide away, but I've forced myself up.
). Writing a to do list is a good idea, and I work on something similar with psychologist, but it's more a case of activities to lift my mood. I feel a lot of pressure and guilt if I don't complete anything I've written down, which happens often. I like your idea of prioritizing the important things to do.