Depression? Lazy?

[Nayyru]

First of all I'd like to say im sorry if this is in the wrong spot =/ I wasn't sure where to put it


I'm 21 years old and married. The past year or so i've been jobless bc my hubby makes an okay amount of money enough so that we have food and can support 3 dogs and 2 cats, no kids though. Being younger and into video games doesn't come cheap lol so we decided I would get a job too.
I was hired for said job on july 9th. Things were going okay. Only the passed couple weeks Ive been waking up and immediately bursting into tears and not wanting to go. I hate this job so much! only i really don't know why. I don't know why I want to cry just thinking about it. Even saying a certain word that is used alot in my work environment will send my heart racing. I didn't go Thursday or Friday and today I decided to quit. Seeing how my husband does IT work for the company I could go back tomorrow.. He's trying to fix a couple things that upset me there.. but now I just hate it. In reality its a simple job. I logically know that. All I have to do is answer phone calls and give medical providers patients health benefits. The company is very relaxed on dress code as well. Its the idea job imo, but I can't stand it! The year I got married I had a job as well (we've been married since 2010) I worked at wal-mart and i never once woke up and burst to tears or cried the whole way there.. ugh. I'm just so confused. I don't know what to do or even how to help myself. I can't even understand why just thinking about this place makes me want to cry
any ideas or advice?? am i just simply lazy?
When I'm at home I do absolutely nothing fun or anything i would consider fun.. I just sit here and think and then I'll cry for a little while

Additional info:
I am a self-harmer
I was diagnosed with depression when I was 14. I was put on Lexapro and saw a therapist; that lasted only a few months. I continued to self harm until about a year ago I stopped. I thought it was over and now those urges and feelings are coming back

[Ami]

I think lazy is having the motivation to do 'fun' things like sit and play Xbox all day, or whatever, but not do coursework, or cleaning etc.
The fact you get no fun out of anything suggests its probably suggests its more depression related as one of the key criteria is anhedonia - inability to experience pleasure. But I'm not a doctor so the best thing would be to see one.
What's leproxo generic name? Did you find it helped? If not, there are many other options, meds and therapies, like cbt.
Xx

[Hantise]

.....

[Colour Blind]

I would say, disregarding anything else you have said, the fact that your urges are coming back, is enough reason to go and talk to someone, professional or otherwise, as that is never a good sign. Do you think you could do that?

Please take care.

[Nayyru]

thanks for the replies =]

I dunno if it'd be possible for me to go back into therapy though
Its not that I really don't want too.. I've suggested it to my husband before
he just doesn't understand. I mean he's a great guy and everthing. This is just something he cant grasp. I've tried and tried to help him understand.. I'm really bad at words and trying to project how I feel. SO, usually it turns into an argument or i can't explain things correctly and im left feeling bad bc I can't help him to understand. Aside from that I'm not sure that we have coverage for mental health or that we'd be able to afford it =/