I'm so tired of feeling like I don't have a right to my own body. Like I have to go to extra steps to avoid having my rights invaded. Whether that's on the streets or with someone close, I'm so sick of it. I know almost every woman feels this way, but that makes it even worse. It makes me so upset. I want strangers to stop talking to me no matter how hard I try to end the conversation. I want social awkwardness to not be an excuse to keep bothering me. I want to be able to say something back to the random strangers honking.
I wish I had the confidence to just tell people like this to **** off. I'm thinking it in my head, but I'm scared to do it. And I'm mad that I have to do it. I'm not going to stop going places because I'm worried about people talking to me inappropriately. But then how do I go somewhere and feel comfortable? I'm tired of feeling like it's my fault. Like I should've worn something different. Like I shouldn't be walking there. Like I'm just exaggerating it. Like maybe they can't be blamed for it. I'm tired of wonderng if I should've dyed my hair back to blonde, even though that's my natural color, because I tend to get more attention blonde. I'm tired of being upset 75% of the time that I go out. I'm also tired of it being a fight at home. Like it's a right instead of a mutual thing. I'm tired of being the one that's upset about something I didn't do anything to deserve. They should have to feel the anxiety; they're the ones doing it. I'm tired of the fact that I can't have a friendship with the opposite sex without worrying about what "signals" I'm sending or what their motives are. I'm tired of having to be rude to every male stranger for fear of feeling like I "invited it".
I don't know what to do. Anytime I think of all this, it just makes me so angry and upset. And anxious in public. How can I deal with this? I have no outlet for it. No one seems to get it either. It never seems to stop. Not even now that I'm wearing my ****ing engagement ring.
How can I get people to just leave me alone?!
