Urges overflowing

[imperia]

At 47 years old I feel very alone .I suffer with bruising myself and its overwelming . I wake up in the morning looking forward to this . I hope you can make sence of all this , Now the foot that I bruise is so numb from doing this so much that I wish I was crippled so I can feel more pain . Is it just me ? Does anyone feel this way ?Thank you for reading :)

[Stellata]

Hi. :)

I'm 42, and, whilst I've not intentionally hurt myself for nearly 8 months now, bruising is one way I've used to harm myself. Feeling the pain has, at times, made me feel more physically real and also 'allowed' me to cry and be less numb. But, it has always made me feel MORE raw and angry and alone.

Can you find some other, safe, non hurtful ways of expressing your feelings? Why is it you're caught up with wanting to feel more pain?

[imperia]

Hi Stellata , Good to read that your 8 months SI free . I still feel numb today . In the past self harm helped me feel real and get rid of stress by feeling pain . Now I dont feel it, like I cant get enough pain like I`m addicted . I disociate alot and obsesse over it . I have been told I have Borderline persolality disorder . After a year and a half of DBT treatment It helps only a little . Exercise helps me on a good day . Do you ever desociate ? What helped you to do without SI ? Thank you :) Tony