I'm seeing my GP on Friday.
I need her to understand and be supportive.
I don't quite know where to start.
I know I have a tendency to come across as #helpless and wanting to be taken care of# but I do need support with *all that* [see below] right now, as it is all very lonely and frightening.
I know a GP can't make me feel safe with what is essentially, in the grand scheme of things, very mild dissociation, but which is nonetheless worrying. I know it's an escape from the stress of not feeling worthy at work, of not feeling comfortable in my own home, of having no one to really talk to right now as I go through it. [I have just over 2 more weeks of therapy break to go].
*all that* Basically, work team dynamics are pretty crappy right now and it's stirring up bullying emotional flashbacky stuff. And things are difficult for me where I'm living and I am seriously considering moving - but the whole idea terrifies me. On top of this, I am not meeting head office set targets at work and I'm really worried about what this might mean for the future of my employment.
I know my GP's not a therapist yadda yadda. But I know somethings not quite right when I am so sensitive that I need to wear ear defenders to feel 'safe' from noise intrusions, however small, when anyone is in upstairs and next door. And when I have resorted to taking herbal Quiet Life tablets to take the edge off things, and because I can only take my prescribed prn sleeping tablets very rarely. And when I'm scared to go into work.
I know my GP can't 'fix' any of this, but, heck, I don't even know what to ask for what I need from her, and what is reasonable? What I really need is a shoulder to cry on and someone to rant to who's not a colleague. Oh Pooh sticks, that makes cry, again.
Anyone have any words of wisdom? Please?
My appointment is early on Friday morning.
Thanks. :)
I do think even when there's nothing they can do, if they're nice, it can make all the difference.
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I remember seeing one lady who did nothing, other than be really nice and sympathetic and validate how I was feeling - she didn't even give me any advice, or anything, and I felt much better, compared to another doctor who gave me a medication which really helped but he made me feel horrendous (and cry for almost 13 hours) because he was so blunt/unsympathetic...
You mention you need someone to talk to, just to rant/vent etc. Do you see a therapist/counsellor/befriender? It might be worth having someone who you could just say "Oh, today sucked" to.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Work seems to be a big issue at the moment Katie, and to be really impacting on your mood etc. Could your GP sign you off, or sign you off part time, if that would be beneficial to you?
I think you are allowed to rant to her. She may have some words of wisdom, but like Sophia said, she may just be listening and empathic which can really help. x
"If only everyone could know and live with their inner craziness…people would be fairer and happier." Paulo Coelho
This is slightly off topic but kind of related. I was wondering what skills you would utilise and how you would react if you were dealing with your emotions by yourself? I know your therapist is on the annual break and I also know you are a bright and very empathetic individual. You seem to rely a lot on other people, especially 'professionals' and people with a duty of care, to provide reassurance or comfort. Is there anyway you could feel that calm without needing multiple appointments a week? Do you see a time when you may not need your therapist? What would that be/look like do you think?
The reason I was asking about how you would cope at the moment without support from your GP is because thinking about that may help you figure out what gaps your self management leaves and that may be what you want to focus on with your GP.
What about the samaritans? You can speak to them face to face at their centres. You can off load to your gp but other than offer you medication or direct you to the appropriate services they can't do much other than listen.
I have the idea to make an appointment at my local Samaritans centre at the back of my mind. But I don't see myself as in such crisis need as others who might need the service more. I've been emailing though.
My GP has been amazing with me. I know it's a bit of hit and miss with GP's; I hope your doctor is understanding.
My GP has spent about 45 minutes with me at each appointment every few weeks when I was really low, despite me having support also from the ED Service. I don't know many GP's who can do that, but I hope she listens and provides you with some support and advice.
