On Saturday there i got a call from a (not now) friend who has not been in touch in ages,asking how i was doing, we had a good conversation and i said how about meeting for a pint after he got off the train from where he was and he said he wouldnt back till about 10pm or so as he was coming with his wife,mum and dad and i said no probs
Then.......HE suggested sunday and at first i was very apathetic about it as i'm weird about going out on sundays ie sometimes yes/sometimes no but then i changed my mind as i thought ah what the hell ok then
HE Then said 7PM and i said cool and then i said the name of the pub,he said HE would then text/call me the next day to "Confirm" i then said i would see him tommorow at 7pm in the pub tommorow...i later sent him a text saying it was good chatting to him again and i was looking forward to tommorow.
So Sunday arrives and at 1pm i sent him a text saying is everything cool for tonight kinda thing- no reply
2 and a half hours later i text him again saying i would see him in the pub at 7pm - no reply
When i get to the pub at 7....no sign of him.....about 7.30pm i text him something where is he ,is he on his way?.
At 7.50pm i text asking Again WHERE he is , it's nearly 8PM
He never shows and i sit in the pub having a few beers...i've been left sitting in the pub per se...
SO no texts,calls of explanations and apologies from him that night .and(yes he has a job) NOTHING from him at all day/night on monday, no text/call/fb message....ANYTHING.
This has happened once before keep in mind and i confronted him on it...
To say i'm pissed off at this sheer and utter ignorance and rudeness from him is a severe understatement.....
So i come home(Still very very angry about it all) after midnight on monday(well tuesday you know what i mean) i go on his facebook and he'd hours ago posted a nice pic of his lad losing his first tooth and talking about the tooth fairy and which of course had people commenting how nice it was etc etc and remebering the time before i had this shit happen to me i had put stuff on his fb the first time how i was looking forward to the night out(my cuz's engagement do then) and after he didnt turn up they got deleted by him.
So Seething with anger i hijacked the thread pretty much as i was wanting to make sure he would be able to not delete or ignore this kinda deal and asked where he was, why didnt he contact me blah blah, i want an aplology etc etc etc and then his sis in law comments at me why did i put my answers there as the thread was about her nephew /his son and i could pm him or seperete post and i said i did pm him also as just incae this "Vanishes" and i replied back telling her about it kinda thing and said i had to make an extreme point kinda thing and none of this would have been said if he had turned up/or let me know he couldnt make it/apologise and so a little back and forth went on with his sis in law and me and said i'd decide my reponses where i wanted,saying i was hurt and pissed off and i left it at that went to bed ,next morning i had been deleted and blocked by him ,oh and his wife too..
In my eyes he clearly brought this all on himself.
Thoughts??.
I will stress that in no way shape or form did i refer to or mention his son in my comments.
Well, there could be a lot of reasons why he didn't turn up. I would've thought if this person has ditched you a previous time and after texting him repeatedly before the outing, wouldn't you have thought it could possibly happen again? I personally would be wary about meeting some who has done that kind of thing before.
Also, I cannot read/understand your last paragraph.
It was inconsiderate of him not to reply, I agree. It's rude. You say you confronted him about this type of behavior before. What did he say when you did? I agree that there may have been reasons he didn't show up, but it is pretty rude to not contact you and let you know the change in plans.
I would feel hurt and angry about being ignored as well, but I think posting on the thread of the picture of his son wasn't the right way to go about it. If you already sent him a pm or seperate post, and it sounds like you did, and you got no reply, chances are he's seen them and chosen to ignore them. So it's probably for the best that you all are no longer friends on facebook.
i agree with Facet, what he did was rude, but you reacted in a totally inappropriate way. if i had been him or his wife, i probably would have blocked or defriended you immediately too. this is a private problem. and private problems do not belong on public facebook, especially in a post that has no relation to the problem and all. you probably embarassed and humiliated him, without even hearing his explanation for what happened.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
It was inconsiderate of him not to reply, I agree. It's rude. You say you confronted him about this type of behavior before. What did he say when you did? I agree that there may have been reasons he didn't show up, but it is pretty rude to not contact you and let you know the change in plans.
I would feel hurt and angry about being ignored as well, but I think posting on the thread of the picture of his son wasn't the right way to go about it. If you already sent him a pm or seperate post, and it sounds like you did, and you got no reply, chances are he's seen them and chosen to ignore them. So it's probably for the best that you all are no longer friends on facebook.
Just to clarify, the seperate post i was talking was about the FIRST time he didnt turn up without any noticifing us etc why to meet my friend and i to go to my cuz's engagement do.
The Pm consisted of something like err(Sorry but the anger was just RAGING through me when i was typing stuff on his facebook) "I DEMAND AN APOLOGY" something like that.
He will have a nerve if he seems and goes about ranting about where i typed on facebook....Considering It was HIM that brought all this all on himself an brought the walls of the temple crashing down on him.
I also want to stress that it could have been any photo with anything talking about any subject ,could have been even talking about Emblaming for all i cared, I DID NOT POST THERE ONLY BECAUSE IT WAS THE PHOTO OF HIS SON AND PEOPLE WERE TALKING ABOUT IT/TOOTH FAIRY ETC it was the fact it was the the most recent thread i Exploded and made sure this got saw by him and if anyone else saw it tough crappy crap,he was wrong in what he did and brought it all on himself.
I did what i did, i take full reponsibilty for it.
i agree with Facet, what he did was rude, but you reacted in a totally inappropriate way. if i had been him or his wife, i probably would have blocked or defriended you immediately too. this is a private problem. and private problems do not belong on public facebook, especially in a post that has no relation to the problem and all. you probably embarassed and humiliated him, without even hearing his explanation for what happened.
"you probably embarassed and humiliated him, without even hearing his explanation for what happened."
GOOD,he brought that all on himself, he didnt show up, get in contact etc etc and had more than enought time to contact me,hell, even if he said afterwards with No explanation and just said "Sorry i didnt turn up" i would have aceppted it..
"embarassed and humiliated him", He can ask himself WHY to that question and he knows the answer.
I dont do all this hush hush private private head in the sand stuff, by all accounts his wife, sister and most other fmaily members are kinda obssesesd with that kinda of thing.
""embarassed and humiliated him"
He brought all of it on himself. I have no sympathy for him after how he treated me.
It was inconsiderate of him not to reply, I agree. It's rude. You say you confronted him about this type of behavior before. What did he say when you did? I agree that there may have been reasons he didn't show up, but it is pretty rude to not contact you and let you know the change in plans.
I would feel hurt and angry about being ignored as well, but I think posting on the thread of the picture of his son wasn't the right way to go about it. If you already sent him a pm or seperate post, and it sounds like you did, and you got no reply, chances are he's seen them and chosen to ignore them. So it's probably for the best that you all are no longer friends on facebook.
"You say you confronted him about this type of behavior before. What did he say when you did?"
Well it was in a pub when he was with this wife and kids and when i confronted him and demanded an explantion(I was very firm but politeish as his kids were there and said it was not nice of him what he did to my mate and i) and i WANTED an explantion and he told me to "FUCK OFF" to which i stoop up,looked down at him and shook my head in a disgusted way and went and sat down at my table then about 20 mins later he came over himself and sat at my table and said sorry he SHOULD have text me and told me stuff that was going on with him that was causing turmoil, backruptcy he was near ,debt probs and stuff and i acecpted his apology.
If i have been treated like Shit i will confront and demand an explanation and apology. Like it or not that's how i deal with things, i'm not a private person by any stretch of the imagination.
i agree with Facet, what he did was rude, but you reacted in a totally inappropriate way. if i had been him or his wife, i probably would have blocked or defriended you immediately too. this is a private problem. and private problems do not belong on public facebook, especially in a post that has no relation to the problem and all. you probably embarassed and humiliated him, without even hearing his explanation for what happened.
it doesn't sound like a relationship of any sort with him is going to work then, and you'd probably be best to just drop it and not contact him again.
he reacted in a rude way. however, you don't know his reasons, or you haven't put them here, so i don't know whether what he did was inappropriate. there is a difference between rude and inappropriate. from what you've said, all i can be sure about is that he was rude.
and one bad deed does not make a retaliating bad deed acceptable or right
and, it doesn't sound like you're really looking for a discussion with this thread, it sounds like you just want someone to agree with you... i'm wondering what you are hoping to get out of this thread?
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Well, there could be a lot of reasons why he didn't turn up. I would've thought if this person has ditched you a previous time and after texting him repeatedly before the outing, wouldn't you have thought it could possibly happen again? I personally would be wary about meeting some who has done that kind of thing before.
Also, I cannot read/understand your last paragraph.
Typing when pissed off can result in that! Let me translate haha
"So i Seething with anger and i hijacked the facebookthe thread pretty much as i was wanting to make sure he would be able to not delete or ignore this and i asked where he was, why didnt he contact me blah blah,
i want an apology etc etc etc and then his sis in law comments at me why did i put my answers there as the thread was about her nephew /his son and i could pm him or seperate post and i said i did pm him also as just incase this "Vanishes" and i replied back telling her about what her brother in law did and said i had to make an extreme point and none of this would have been said if he had turned up/or let me know he couldnt make it/apologise and so a little back and forth went on with his sis in law and me
And i said i'd decide where i put my reponses where i wanted,saying i was hurt and pissed off and i left it at that and went to bed ,next morning i had been deleted and blocked by him ,oh and his wife too..
in the future, i think that when you're seething, the best thing to do is to wait to do anything or say anything until you calm down. and i would give that advice to anyone. we can't think clearly when we are really mad and will say and do all sorts of things that make the problems worse instead of better. which is what happened in the situations that you are describing
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
And you've been given feedback. The majority opinion seems to be that it was a bit rude of him to not tell you, but that what you did was also very rude, and two wrongs do not make a right.
In other news, I wanted to pick up on the fact that he was supposed to be texting you to confirm. By not doing so, he sort of let you know that he wasn't coming. Admittedly it would of been polite of him to text anyway to say he couldn't come, but I don't understand why you were so surprised that he didn't show.
no, he should not take complete responsibility. like what narcissa said, he told you that he would confirm the date. he didn't. thus, while it would have been polite if he called, you should have expected that he wasn't coming. hanging out in a bar isn't even that terrible, lots of people would enjoy it. i don't think that anyone enjoys being publicly humiliated. even if we say that the not meeting up part was entirely his fault, which it wasn't, that would only put about 40% of the blame on him, the way that i see it. because you retaliated way too harshly and made the situation much worse and much more painful for both of you. you need to take responsibility for your part of this whole mess. if you want to mend this relationship, you need to apologize to him.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
And you've been given feedback. The majority opinion seems to be that it was a bit rude of him to not tell you, but that what you did was also very rude, and two wrongs do not make a right.
In other news, I wanted to pick up on the fact that he was supposed to be texting you to confirm. By not doing so, he sort of let you know that he wasn't coming. Admittedly it would of been polite of him to text anyway to say he couldn't come, but I don't understand why you were so surprised that he didn't show.
I am a Man of my word and when I say i will turn up some where I WILL do it.
I did have a very slight sinking feeling before leaving the house but i always try to give people benefit of the doubt and the fact he didnt get in touch didnt say to ME he was not going as there was no word from saying EXPLICITLY he was NOT going said to me he WAS not going.
If someone does not tell me in clear and conscise terms they have no intention of going or they dont let me know, i go with the thought that a person IS going.
I am one of these people who very very very very very rarely indeed "Get" hints, that's me.
HE suggested sunday and the time. and he had PLLLLENNNNNTTTTTTYYYYY of time to call/text/fb me, there is zero excuse on his part, none.
He was well out of order what he did or didnt do. I take responsiblity for my actions.
Last edited by worriedson : 09-08-2012 at 10:17 PM.
in what way do you think that you have taken responsibility?
and i'm like you, i would have showed up. but if you're going to give him the benefit of the doubt in whether or not he is coming, you need to be prepared for that he might not show up, and give him the benefit of the doubt that he might have a legitimate reason not to be there. which you have not done. at all.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
