Contains alcohol - drunk...

[Fleeting Angel]

Sometimes when I do things for other people... i get triggered. It's great to be nice but i've learned that when it negatively affects my health it's not good. I was bored this weekend and helping my grandparents. but i felt like crap. there really is something wrong with me health wise. the doctors just haven't figured it out yet.
Last night my blinding rage came back. the one that says find alcohol. do anything it takes to get alcohol. you need it. it's the only thing to feed the rage. I only had one drink last night. but it was a long island. and i'm a lightweight. i was shaking when i walked into the bar. i couldn't talk to people. i have a lot of fear and distrust around my drinking. but once the alcohol hits in I completely change. talkative and social. had such a good time. but then drove. ugh!
and then today. home alone. no energy to do anything. desire to be drunk. now drunk. and lonely. what do i do????????
I refuse to believe I'm alcoholic. i never let it rule my life. but I have been accused in the past. almost expelled from uni. but i'm so much more functional with alcohol. i think i really just need to figure out what's wrong with me health-wise. then I will enjoy life more sober. does that make sense? i use to enjoy life so much all the time- sober. now i think I just feel like crap all the time....... any suggestions?

[Zedebee]

I have read this and can understand you must feel frustrated. I will come back and reply properly when my brain kicks in but just wanted you to know this has been seen and taken in. *offers hugs*

[Buttons.]

I'm sorry to hear that you are relying on alcohol to 'help' you in social situations, ultimately love it will just makes things worse and hurt those around you if you remain reliant on it to 'help you through' rather than using healthy coping mechanisms it is highly likely to come back and bite you. Could you perhaps discuss your alcohol use with your doctor if it's concerning you?