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lost, sad, anxious, & completely unsure what to do.
i recently lost my job. i loved my job - it wasn't the best job, but i got 40/hrs a week, i worked mon-fri 7:30a-3:30p, & off every sat & sun. it took me 7 months to find this job, after losing my previous job. i am very down about losing it; i feel like i let my family down. i keep beating myself up most of the day everyday about it. i lost it due to tardiness, & i was still in my "probationary period." i always ridicule myself with "why did i mess this up?" & "you are so stupid for being late so much!" i have slipped into a deeper depression, & i have also been having an abundance of anxiety/panic attacks. i was this way before i found the job, but when i got a job, i felt better than i have in a very long time. i haven't had a job which i got 40 hrs/wk since i was 18, & i'm 29. i have put in several apps online & paper wise, with not one interview. i did have an interview for a 2nd job while i was still employed, but they never contacted me. one of the major problems i have is where i live. it's an apt complex with a bad name, & i live in a very small town. it sounds ridiculous, but potential employers look at this address & automatically refuse to hire them. the only reason i got my last job, which was housekeeping at a college - a company the college hired to clean out dorms, buildings, etc -is because i knew the boss. same situation with my job as a deli worker & cashier at a grocery store, i knew the general manager, because i had worked for the same company but at a different location back in '05. if you don't know someone or have pull in this town, it is impossible to find a job. my husband says i've been distant from him & my daughters since i lost my job. he knows i am very depressed & upset. yet, he gets angry with me sometimes because i cry or "don't want to go anywhere or do anything." it hurts my feelings and makes me feel even worse about myself when he is not supportive or understanding. a lot of the time i feel so alone & lost. i'm thinking about going to talk to a professional about my mental problems, besides my family doc. i'm also thinking about enrolling in the career college that is close to my home, to get a degree so i can possibly get a job. i also think i need to because my husband & i have been arguing a lot lately since we're always together. i was so used to working 40 hrs a wk & we didn't argue much at all when i was working. we love each other very much. we've been together for 7 yrs & married for 6. it's nothing like i don't want to be with him. he is very loving to me & he is a great dad. since i lost my job, i can't sleep at night, so i stay up most of the night & sleep most of the day, due to my depression. he lets me sleep & takes care of the girls until i wake up, & still helps me when i'm up. i couldn't ask for a better man. it's not his fault i'm depressed. there are a lot of reasons, but the main issue is my lack of employment! i a
also going to go to our job & family services & request to be placed in a program that helps you find employment. im the meantime, i am very sad, & angry at myself! it is so stupid why i lost my job - i would take a long time applying makeup, which resulted in tardiness. i have a serious issue that, if my makeup doesn't look good, i feel ugly & won't leave the house. this is another thing i need to speak with a professional about, but it takes a bit to
get in to see someone where i live. can anyone relate to me, or had any of these problems - that can maybe give me some advise? it would be greatly appreciated!!
thanks in advance.
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In the bright of day, it might seem like the stars are gone... They never leave. -New Found Glory
