I've spent all day mulling over this and am still at a loss. How do people usually handle frustration and anger? It's been drilled into me since I was a kid that anger is bad and unhealthy and I should never show any, so now the only options I can come up with when I do get frustrated are to either break things or SI. I have nobody I feel comfortable venting to. What are healthy things to do when you're angry?
I'm not an angry person, so it's not something I have to deal with often. However, on the odd occasion something does get to me, I find writing things down awfully helpful. It helps me to put things in perspective. I also find vigorous exercise helpful, such as running.
The main thing with me is to catch it early. If I recognise that I'm getting worked up over something, I need to deal with it then (by writing or running), rather than waiting until I'm at boiling point, when it's much harder to do something healthy with the feelings.
*hug*
“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.
Like you, I find that I keep my anger (and most of my emotions!) bottled up away from the world which meant that it built up inside and I found my only outlets to be quite self destructive.
Aubergine has some really good tips with the writing and running. I personally find journalling really effective and it's where I write a lot of stuff out. You could also do other things like drawing or painting, singing...anything really that you enjoy and can put energy in to.
It can also be helpful to speak to people about how you are feeling but I recognise how difficult that must be for you. I had to break the pattern of not ever telling anybody anything and it was really hard but in time, I have learnt that it's okay.
Thank you ^^ I know I should work on telling somebody something! I'm really trying to work up the nerve to do it.
I ended up experimenting last night with journalling in code--one that's fairly easy to write out but not easy to read afterwards without some effort, so I don't end up staring at it and getting triggered all over again (which happens a lot when I journal normally and totally defeats the purpose!). It turned out to be pretty effective. :D
I have always been taught that showing emotions is bad and makes you weak. This has been one of the large reasons why I turned to self harm.
Now that I have stopped self harming I've found better alternatives. I'm glad the journalling worked out for you, its something I do. Also going for really really long walks helps, and of course if possible venting to people.
I know you said you like to break things, when I was really little I'd get angry and break things and my mom used to give me pillows and tell me to punch them instead. It's quite useful and doesn't allow me to hurt myself or any other items. Toss a pillow around, punch it, let your anger out.
I think no matter what method you chose to remember that its okay to feel angry or sad or upset. There is no wrong emotion! We just have to deal with them in a positive way. :)
You did! Thank you. I always feel a little silly about pillow-punching, but it might be worth trying again as an adult. And I am definitely trying to get outside more to escape my triggers. Luckily there are plenty of pretty, quiet places to go around here. :)
I have dealt with extreme anger. it is awful bottled up so had to find outlets too. journaling helped somewhat. exercise always helped except when I could no longer exercise. I was destructive for some time. then started to try to find less destructive options. I found throwing shoes against a concrete wall extremely helpful. It didn't cause any damage and I could do it as much as needed until my anger subsided.
"If you're going through hell, keep going" -Winston Churchill
With anger, it's never good to bottle it up. You need to release it somehow.
I found violently scribbling in a notebook helps get the frustration out, and I would try punching pillows again. You might feel silly doing it, but it will help get those feelings out.
How have things been?
DILLIGAF
"it’s when you’re acting selflessly, that you are at your bravest"
- Four.
♥
I'm really glad that you made this thread because this is something that I struggle with, too. It's like, you are so angry and feeling so consumed by it and then you're suddenly not allowed to SI or anything that you're used to and that makes you more frustrated!
When I feel angry, it helps me to go on a treadmill or for a run or a bike ride (or you could go for a walk) and give it everything I've got. Whilst doing those exercises, I can rationally think about what's going on. I remember being upset/angry on my birthday, going for a run for 30 minutes and only thinking about that feeling, then coming home and feeling completely calm and invigorated and not upset at all! I can vouch for the fact it works!
When I was a bit younger, I used to go on Microsoft Word or LiveJournal and literally rant into it. I never used to publsih what I wrote and, contrary to how I usually write, I wouldn't use correct spelling or grammar - if I got it wrong then that was it, I was angry and couldn't be bothered changing it. It was okay because I deleted what I wrote at the end. That was cathartic.
Talking to someone like the Samaritans can help, too. Or sending them an email of utter angry rubbish! That doesn't always help, though, depending upon who replies from the Samaritans.
I also used to own a Nintendo Wii and Wii Fit and it was cathartic to go on the boxing because, especially in the freestyle bit at the end, you could give it everything that you've got. That can be helpful!
Ripping up paper can also be a good idea.
There might be things online that could be useful for you?
