Is this it ?

YouCan'tFixMyHeart · 19-07-2012, 05:47 PM

I keep thinking to myself is this it ? Is this all that my life is gonna be like ? I just feel so stupid. I've messed up everything and lost everyone. I'm 16, and because I live in the uk, that means I'm done with school, I haven't been in since September 13th 2010, and I've missed all of my exams. I thought that I could have sorted things out this year, and then I ended up in the hospital in march on my birthday because I had septic arthritis in my hip, if I hadn't have gone in when I did I could have died or lost my leg. Now I've got inflammatory arthrits, and it stops me from being able to do things because it can affect all of my joints and I can't control when it happens. Sometimes I can't walk, sometimes my hand is stuck in a fist. Today my elbow is swollen and I can't move that arm.
I watched Miley Cyrus' film LOL earlier and it just made me think about how much I've screwed up. I've lost all my friends because I stopped talking to everyone when I left because no one knows about my depression. I can't get a job, I've got no qualifications. My 'best friend' doesn't even care anymore. I've known her for almost 8 years. My mum keeps talking me to forget about her, but it's easier said than done.
I just feel like I'm missing out on something. I've never even gone out with my friends in my own. EVER.

fuzzy_sweets · 19-07-2012, 10:54 PM

Hi I can empathise with you as I have been treated for suspected arthritis for the past year. It can be really discouraging when you think of all the things you cannot do anymore but try to focus on what you can do instead. It's not your fault you became unwell so dont be too hard on yourself. You didnt ask to get arthritis or depression, they are illnesses. Maybe if you contact your friends and explain you have been going through a difficult time and your sorry for not being in touch they will forgive you and make things up.

Can I ask what sort of treatment you are having for your arthritis and depression? What do you do with your spare time now your not at school?

Sending you ** BIG HUGS **

Porcelain Child · 19-07-2012, 11:56 PM

I am sorry you had/having a tough time right now.. Why do you think that your friend doesn't care about you anymore?

Can you apply to go college cos you said you are 16, you are eligble to go to college for free..

I am here if you wanna chat..

starship · 20-07-2012, 11:45 AM

Hey, i'm sorry to hear you're going through a hard time..
as someone said above, you could go to college if you wanted to, it's free until you're 19, you don't need to do a-levels or whatever, there's a range of 1 or 2 year courses (Btecs, diplomas, etc.) in more than just the standard subjects (music, cookery, drama and so on). You could socialise and meet new people and get involved in something again which might lift your spirits and give you something to look forward to. I didn't have friends until I was 16 (I know it sounds crazy, but I literally didn't have one single friend) and when I started college I made a few, and it was nice.
You would be able to get support for your arthritis too, if my college could give the kids with dyslexia free laptops to work on during lessons, i'm pretty sure they can help you (:

You are worth something, your life isn't over at 16, i promise you. I'm here if you ever want a chat.

Tig · 20-07-2012, 07:01 PM

Hey lovely,

Though I had to leave school for mental health reasons and not physical reasons I can empathise with a lot of what you have written. I lost my friends to due to depression and being out of school. I was in hospital during years 10 and 11 so whilst I did get 5 GCSE's it's really gutted me because I knew had I been in school I could have done more. (I've always been a bit academic!!)

I can relate to how much it hurts when your friends leave, especially somebody who was your best friend. I know it doesn't help a lot but the reality is, are they really that much of a friend if they just leave you when the going gets tough? It could be that at 16 they are not quite able to deal with what you have had to deal with which is understandable and how I try to view the situation with my friends, rather than feeling that they abandoned me because it was easy.

It doesn't mean you will never have friends again.

If the physical difficulties will prevent you from going to college, could you look in to doing a home-learning course? There are lots of different online/home courses for GCSE's and so on. There is the open university as well but I'm guessing you would like to look at GCSE's and A Levels first?
I wonder if your GP might be able to tell you about any contacts perhaps within social services to see if any funding for this could be made available to you. It's definitely worth asking about if you haven't already.

You haven't screwed up sweetie. This isn't the life you have chosen to have, it has happened to you but you are not to blame.
It won't be this way forever and things can and do get better.

I know it is not a lot but I hope that at least being on RYL will give you a sense of being part of something and meeting/talking with new people who can understand what it feels like.

Sending you lots of love and hugs,

Lottie x