Hi everyone, has anyone else felt like this before where they listen to their friends problems and want to help them, but by the end of it all you can think about is hurting yourself.
I hate this, it makes me feel like such a horrible person. My friend was telling me about something that happened to her and I care about her so much, all I want to do is help, but I just get so triggered.
And worse than that ( I seriously hate this about myself) I get like competitive, like oh they're doing worse than me so I should do something worse. I know how bad that sounds but I can't help it and I feel so guilty.
I don't know how to handle these feelings and be there to help my friend. Has anyone else felt like this or have any ideas?
Last edited by squirrelspit : 16-07-2012 at 04:39 PM.
Reason: moving to correct area of the forum.
They tell me I'm killing myself. I tell them, I'm keeping myself alive.
I've never personally felt like this but maybe it comes from talking about sad/difficult things and sort of reminds you of feeling low, then it triggers all your bad feelings to come out? :/
I'm not sure about being competitive, but maybe an attention thing?
Push will get a person almost anywhere except through a door marked “pull".
I don't get this feeling unless I am already deep in my illness myself.
However I did know a few people who felt like this during some of my hospital admissions. I think it is quite common especially if you struggle with reactive emotions.
Sorry I can't help, just wanted you to know that others do feel like this. X
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
I don't personally have this issue, but i can understand why you would feel like this.. Have you got anyone close to you or a professional you can talk to about what is going on..
yes, this is something i've had to work on in the past.
it is ok to put limits on how much and what sort of things you talk about with your friends. i'd bet that if you told them that the discussions were triggering you, they would understand. everyone has limits. any relationship needs limits. maybe you can suggest that they find a professional to talk to as well? one thing i've also found is that it is less triggering for me to talk about the feelings rather than the details of harm or other triggering things.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I work in the mental health field, so I deal with this quite often.
It shouldn't make you feel crap. You should realize that as human beings, we all have limitations. Helping others can really help you to help yourself, as it teaches you what these limitations are. You also learn that it's okay to not be okay, and that you can say no.
Also, be sure to engage in lots of self care.
good luck.
<3
"Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me......<3
That happens to me sometimes - that I want to hurt myself after trying to help someone else. It's like listening to someone's problems reminds you of your own and it just makes you sad and destructive... It's normal, I know it happens to lots of us.
It doesn't make you a horrible person though, it just makes you human <3
But the competitive thing - I DO THE SAME THING!!! It makes me feel horrible too, but I guess it's something some of us deal with... I know what you mean, like, our intentions aren't bad, but the feelings of wanting to "do worse" than them are awful... I don't really have much advice there since I do the same thing myself.. So if anyone else has advice on that, that'd be nice :P
I think it's really important to help others, and I know it helps me to be able to be there for my friends. It's going to be impossible to never hear about other people's problems - so you kind of have to learn how to take yourself out of the picture and focus solely on what the other person needs, and once you get good at it, it's really helpful because you kind of get out of your own issues and focus completely on theirs and you kind of don't have to be you for a second. Did that make sense?
But, honestly, I personally wouldn't recommend telling your friend that you have limits and it triggers you to listen to their problems... It would make me feel so horrible if a friend told me that they couldn't listen to me because it was hurting them. And I don't think it'd make you feel better to have to tell your friend that either..
"I believe in running through the rain and crashing into the person you love and having your lips bleed on each other"
Thank you all sooo much for the responses. It is very reassuring to know I'm not the only person who feels like this. I used to see a therapist, but stopped when I turned 18 (I was basically kicked out because I was an adult), but I plan on seeing someone when I go back to school in September since counsellors are free there.
I totally get what your saying about setting limits and letting my friend know, however that's kind of how this situation started. She knows what I deal with and is always hesitant to talk to me, so for a whole year I had no idea that she wasn't doing ok, and then told me that the year before she attempted suicide and I had seen her later that week and had no clue. It absolutely kills me that she felt she couldn't talk to me.
I got over the competitiveness thing pretty quick this time, basically the next morning. I have made it 10 months without self harming and I do not want to give that up, I've been holding on to that.
I just feel so guilty, sad, frustrated, kind of mad and overwhelmed with this whole situation therefore major triggers. Again I'm holding on to that 10 months, almost a year, but it's hard. To top it off I'd normally turn to this friend about how I'm feeling, but I can't not after what she told me. And yes I know I'm being hypocritical because she felt the same thing about me, but ugh I'm just really confused.
I'm really sorry this was so long and kind of ranty, I really needed to get that off my chest.
And seriously thank you for your replies <3
They tell me I'm killing myself. I tell them, I'm keeping myself alive.
