Contains Suicide - Keith is driving now!! eeek!

[pea soup]

Keith is coming here soon because I have to sign for his permit to drive because legally I have custody.

He's 15 now and it's so overwhelming. And I'm scared because I have a huge scar from cutting my wrist and the little wholes from the stitches are still showing.

Have mercy...

Any advice?

[pea soup]

Hi again...

Yesterday, Kelly and I were play wrestling around and my left ring finger got pulled back and twisted....I waited all day and night but the swelling continued and it hurt...it was finally an injury I didn't cause myself...so we went to the doc and it's just a bad sprain. they taped it up and gave me a few pills for pain. it feels better now that it's stabilized...but it's hard to type,lol. I'm still really nervous about keith. I've decided I'm just going to wrap my wrist as if it were sprained. I hate lying to him but I think it's better than the alternative.

[sapphire hearts]

*hugs* that's a good idea hun. If the wound is still open, dress it first and maybe use a tubi grip or something? x

[pea soup]

Thanks :)

It's not open. It was stitched and they have been removed. It's just some bad scars that he hasn't seen yet. I only got the courage last summer to let him finally see my scars on my arms. He was 14 and he handled it well. Unfortunately, this last time was a suicide attempt and probably the worst I've ever done and I just can't let him see it.

[Casper_Fading]

Strap it, say you were wrestling and overdid it. It's not really a lie, just... an exageration. *cuddles*

[pea soup]

Thank you sweetness.xx

Guys...do you realize Keith was only 6 when I joined RYL? I have been posting about him for 9 years now!! wow. It's so surreal. You guys have experienced his life right along with me. I'm all teary in a good way.

Thank you all for putting up with me all these years. It means so much.

loves.
xxxxx

[pea soup]

I had a really upsetting conversation with my sister and my Mom. I swear I think they are just as ill as I am. I dont have the energy to explain....

sorry...I'm entering the black hole again and I'm scared...

[Casper_Fading]

I love you honey, but goddamn i'd like to smack your familyt some times!!!! I don't care what they say, you are amazing. You're doing an amazing job being you!!!!!! Never forget that!

[pea soup]

Thank you Jess :)

I do love the fact that you'd like to smack them,lol.

I'm feeling better about it. I sent a message to a friend I used to know in AA and she gave me some good advice. I figured I had been worrying you guys enough lately,lol so I messaged her. gladly, she was happy to help. she just flat told me that conversations between me and my son are just that!! between me and him and no one else. they are still upset about last year and me telling him I was gay. yet again, that convo was between me and him.

dont faint when you read this,lol, but I'm praying for them. yup. I'm praying that whatever is making them so unhappy and bitter will ease up. maybe then it wont spill over on everyone else.

love you guys.
xxxxxxxxxxxx

[*Kelly*]

****FAINTED****

Lol... j/k, I just wanted to tell you how proud i am of you and how much i love you babygirl!

Always and Forever <3

[pea soup]

Thank you baby!

I'm proud of you too :)

You are a trooper girl. I know you're in pain and it breaks my heart but it wont last forever.

We have been doing so well and I am sooo happy with us. And I dont care who knows it anymore :) I feel free now. Thank you for that!!

I love you always and forever baby girl.xxxxx

[Casper_Fading]

You two are very cute!!!

[pea soup]

hehe Thanks Jess...we can get pretty mushy gushy with our little messages to each other :)

[*Kelly*]

I love you so so much babygirl !!! .....

xoxoxoxox