Ok, I know this seems really rude but I just can't help it...
My mom is SOOOO gross. I can't STAND it. She's depressed and **** so that's her "excuse" but as far as I'm concerned there's no excuse for not showering in a week and stuffing her fatass face with handfuls and bowlfulls of junk food. Then going outside and smoking her goddamn ass off all day. No. Just NO.
I know this sounds SO harsh, but if you knew my mom I swear you would agree.
I can't even stand to SEE her with food because watching her eat it is just sickening. It literally makes me want to throw up. She's SO ****ing gross. It makes me want to scream and punch everything in sight and run away and never come back. I can't live like this. I really just can't. She's driving me CRAZY.
And on top of all that, I'm SO scared I'm going to end up like her one day. If I end up like that... Oh god...
"I believe in running through the rain and crashing into the person you love and having your lips bleed on each other"
Um, maybe instead of calling her gross you could offer to help her get better?
This is what I was going to say!
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It's not helpful at all to call people names and put them down, instead of that why don't you try being polite and getting her to shower and eat less if that is an issue. You could also if she's up for it offer to work out with her if that needs doing..
I mean this nicely but she's your mother, have some respect.
Well, maybe you should feel glad that you haven't been so depressed you haven't been able to shower in a week. That's a real thing that happens to people when they are in a very depressed state. I know I have gone a week without being able to shower or get into bed.
And some people turn to food as a temporary solution to their problems. For example, there's an overeating and binging forum on this site. So that's also a real issue.
Maybe it'd be better for you to think about why this bothers you so much instead of focusing on how "gross" your mom is. Thing is, there are a lot of people, if not on this website itself, who engage in behaviors or have symptoms just like hers, so...
I understand you're frustrated but your mother is clearly unwell. If you're unable to show her some compassion then perhaps you need to look at you - and why this is provoking such a reaction.
I think perhaps you need to develop some healthy ways to deal with this situation and process what is going on. Maybe if you can speak to a counsellor about it?
Please, I urge you to look past the surface and consider if it is this hard for you to see, imagine how hard what she is going through is for her. I promise you it is more intense and difficult.
I know its not easy for you either but I do think your attitude may be creating more harm than good - for you and your mum.
I think what everyone else has said really. If she is acting this way it is obvious that something is wrong and maybe you need to help her to do something about it rather than complain. If she is not showering maybe buy her some nice soap and convincer her to use it, or offer to run her a nice bath. If she is eating junk food then offer to cook her a nice health meal.
But as said as well there is an excuse for eating junk food and not showering, its called being depressed and not having the energy and focus to do so, and there are plenty of people that use this site that struggle to do simply things like that. You are basically putting them down because you feel it is gross.
Plus if you have an eating disorder then i feel it is wrong to say its gross to watch your mum eat, if you dont like it go out of the room. People need to eat regardless if it affects you, it is up to you to take yourself away for the situation rather than complain about it.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
Um, maybe instead of calling her gross you could offer to help her get better?
It's not like I call her gross to her face or anything - I can't help how I feel about her. I can't just offer to help her get better. We don't even get along. She's in therapy but obviously that's not doing anything.
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It's not helpful at all to call people names and put them down, instead of that why don't you try being polite and getting her to shower and eat less if that is an issue. You could also if she's up for it offer to work out with her if that needs doing..
Like I said - I don't do that to her face. I'm actually a good kid, believe it or not. I'm ALWAYS polite to her. So don't everyone just assume that I'm a horrible kid that hates people with problems.
I DID get her to try to get better. I was in the adolescent unit of a psych hospital about a month ago - and when you get discharged they make you fill out a home contract to change stuff at home. I mentioned my issues with my mom and we agreed she would resolve them. She hasn't.
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And some people turn to food as a temporary solution to their problems. For example, there's an overeating and binging forum on this site. So that's also a real issue.
Maybe it'd be better for you to think about why this bothers you so much instead of focusing on how "gross" your mom is. Thing is, there are a lot of people, if not on this website itself, who engage in behaviors or have symptoms just like hers, so...
I know that over eating is a real issue. I'm not saying she doesn't have issues. God, I KNOW she has issues. I'm just saying if she's lecturing me so much on trying to be healthy - she has no right to be acting like this and getting mad at me when I, not perfect.
I know why it bothers me. Because I freak out when things aren't clean and my mom and I don't get along. And I truly do find her behavior disgusting. I can't help that. She doesn't even try and it's ****ing hypocritical.
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I understand you're frustrated but your mother is clearly unwell. If you're unable to show her some compassion then perhaps you need to look at you - and why this is provoking such a reaction.
I think perhaps you need to develop some healthy ways to deal with this situation and process what is going on. Maybe if you can speak to a counsellor about it?
Please, I urge you to look past the surface and consider if it is this hard for you to see, imagine how hard what she is going through is for her. I promise you it is more intense and difficult.
I know its not easy for you either but I do think your attitude may be creating more harm than good - for you and your mum.
Look - I know I'm not healthy either. It doesn't mean I have no right to have feelings about what my mom does...
I have a therapist and I've told her about it. But it's not like she can change the situation.
I'm not saying it's not difficult. I'm not stupid and uneducated. I know all of this. I'm just saying this has been going on long enoug and I ALWAYS hold it in like a good little girl. Always.
My mom doesn't know I think of her like this - I'm not stupid, I know this attitude isn't helping anybody. But I can't help it. It's what I think. So that isn't my fault, is it?
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I think what everyone else has said really. If she is acting this way it is obvious that something is wrong and maybe you need to help her to do something about it rather than complain. If she is not showering maybe buy her some nice soap and convincer her to use it, or offer to run her a nice bath. If she is eating junk food then offer to cook her a nice health meal.
But as said as well there is an excuse for eating junk food and not showering, its called being depressed and not having the energy and focus to do so, and there are plenty of people that use this site that struggle to do simply things like that. You are basically putting them down because you feel it is gross.
Plus if you have an eating disorder then i feel it is wrong to say its gross to watch your mum eat, if you dont like it go out of the room. People need to eat regardless if it affects you, it is up to you to take yourself away for the situation rather than complain about it.
I KNOW there is something wrong with her... Like I said, I'm not stupid. I don't think buying her soap is going to magically make her hop in the shower, with all due respect. She knows she's supposed to be clean because she knows it freaks me out because of what we went over when I was getting discharged from the hospital. Apparently she doesn't care about me enough to try though.
I'm not meaning to put anybody down. This is just about my mom. And I'm really not as bratty as this post makes me seem. I'm never rude to people. But I can't help what I think. You don't KNOW my mom. So you can't all just say I'm a disrespectful kid because I don't understand her issues and I'm not trying to help. You don't even know the situation...
It's not just the fact that my mom is eating that grosses me out. Like I said multiple times - I don't complain about it to her face. I act like a perfect angel all the time. I try to take myself away from these situations but it just doesn't always work and I can't help how I'm freaking out inside. I thought people here were supposed to understand that..
You know - this always happens when I make a thread on support forums for stuff. People jump down my throat and get rude about it. And that makes me feel like a horrible person and how is that helping anybody?
I'm not saying anyone was trying to do that and all of you are horrible or anything - cause that's not true. I just don't like being accused about things that you guys don't even understand..
"I believe in running through the rain and crashing into the person you love and having your lips bleed on each other"
From what i can see from your initial post.. you havent asked for support or advice, you have just written a rant about how gross you find your mother.
From what i can see from your initial post.. you havent asked for support or advice, you have just written a rant about how gross you find your mother.
I didn't really need another person jumping down my throat and criticizing my post.. :/
The support and advice were kind of implied in my head because it is a support site and support forum. But sorry if it just seemed like a rant or whatever.
I just think I deserve some respect considering I'm obviously hurting since I'm here and all.
So just keep that in mind - don't everyone just assume I'm an awful kid who hates my mom. I am ALWAYS respectful to her. You guys don't know my life and I'm really torn up about this.
Last edited by Danceintherain804 : 01-07-2012 at 03:41 PM.
Reason: The computer just decided to submit this without me wanting it to? -_-
"I believe in running through the rain and crashing into the person you love and having your lips bleed on each other"
With all due respect i was giving you a few suggestions to try, while she may know she needs to bath and wont, its called giving a hand and supporting her and trying to get her to go on her own accord. Also i did suggest cooking her a healthy meal as well.
You know why don't you actually say to her "mum you havnet had a bath in awhile, i feel it would do you good and make you feel clean and nice, why dont i run one for you" or "hey mom why dont i cook you a nice healthy meal so it will make you feel better and will be much nicer than the junk food you are eating." That way you can tell her without being nasty about it or making it seem hurtful, but unless you tell her she may not know how you feel.
And maybe you need to call a doctor round or someone else you can talk to and get her help.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
It's not like I call her gross to her face or anything
& that makes it all okay, does it? In fact, it's probably worse that you're slating her so awfully behind her back. She's obviously in need of help, not a child that feels so repulsed by her that she feels the need to become heartless. Might be harsh, but that's all I'm seeing. Maybe talk to her, try to understand, because if she's at that point, then hell, she needs all the help in the world.
Personally I think the issue here is you don't like the advice people are giving you. You've asked people for advice and have ignored it because we don't understand apparently. Instead of moaning at us about us not understanding your issues why not explain it all a bit more? Otherwise this will end up like your 9 disorder thread.
With all due respect i was giving you a few suggestions to try, while she may know she needs to bath and wont, its called giving a hand and supporting her and trying to get her to go on her own accord. Also i did suggest cooking her a healthy meal as well.
You know why don't you actually say to her "mum you havnet had a bath in awhile, i feel it would do you good and make you feel clean and nice, why dont i run one for you" or "hey mom why dont i cook you a nice healthy meal so it will make you feel better and will be much nicer than the junk food you are eating." That way you can tell her without being nasty about it or making it seem hurtful, but unless you tell her she may not know how you feel.
And maybe you need to call a doctor round or someone else you can talk to and get her help.
I'm sorry if my post sounded really rude. I know it's not a flattering quality - but it's how I feel. In therapy they tell you to get all in touch with your feelings and junk but see this is why I usually hold stuff in and act happy and **** all the time. So sorry about having feelings I guess.
And thanks for your suggestions I actually do appreciate them - I just don't like it when people criticize me... I actually don't really know how to cook and we don't have money to buy much food... So all we really eat is frozen meals at my house. So yeah. We have a bunch of fruits in my house because I insisted because I didn't like having junk food all the time - but my mom doesn't touch the healthy stuff.. Just the ice cream.
I did tell her that a shower might make her feel good - in a nice way. I'm actually a nice kid, you know. And she agreed. Didn't make her actually do it though. She has a therapist who's supposed to be helping too..
"I believe in running through the rain and crashing into the person you love and having your lips bleed on each other"
Could you and your mum maybe come up with a weekly/monthly shopping list, and then only buy the stuff thats on it? that way you can pre plan and buy just what you need rather than what looks tasty in the shop?
I'm sorry if you interpreted my post as being criticising of you. I was actually trying to give you some advice and present a different way to approach the situation; not once did I mean to imply you were uneducated.
You're right, your therapist can't change the situation, but she can be a good sounding board to help you explore your feelings about this, so you dont have to "hold it in and act happy". That's all I was suggesting, you deserve support with this too.
I agree, actually cooking things yourself is healthier and can be cheaper then buying ready made stuff. Tell her you would like to start cooking and buy ingredients yourself, for example a cottage pie with vegetables is very cheap and easy to make.
Just because people have little money they feel they cant afford to cook meals or get anything healthy but its not the case, its all about planning in advance what to buy and cook.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
I don't think people are trying to criticize you or jump down your throat. They are just making suggestions and trying to help.
No one can help how they feel, you are absolutely right about that. I just think it would be helpful to maybe think about how you phrased your post. Some of the words used may be offensive to other users. I suffer from depression, it's an awful thing that doesn't change over night and getting motivation to change can be a nightmare. Be patient with your mum, maybe try helping her take small steps. Also remember to look after yourself too. Are you currently receiving help and support? Honestly, we are trying to help. Please don't see these replies as personal attacks. Take care.
& that makes it all okay, does it? In fact, it's probably worse that you're slating her so awfully behind her back. She's obviously in need of help, not a child that feels so repulsed by her that she feels the need to become heartless. Might be harsh, but that's all I'm seeing. Maybe talk to her, try to understand, because if she's at that point, then hell, she needs all the help in the world.
Yeah - actually - I think it is okay that I feel this way. I can't help it, can I? And I think it's good that I don't tell her to her face that she's disgusting. I know that wouldn't improve anything. So I went to a supportive place to talk about it. And I didn't get much real support. So that's kind of a put down.
Well sorry I'm a horrible heartless bitch of a child then. I can't help the fact that I'm repulsed. I guess I'll just go shove my feelings back down my throat and be all happy and sunshiny and tell her that her behaviors are totally okay with me.
I KNOW she needs all the help in the world. And let's not all assume that I have never done anything to try to help her. I have. And nothing I can do changes anything apparently. So sorry if I needed to vent about it to people who I thought would be supportive.
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Personally I think the issue here is you don't like the advice people are giving you. You've asked people for advice and have ignored it because we don't understand apparently. Instead of moaning at us about us not understanding your issues why not explain it all a bit more? Otherwise this will end up like your 9 disorder thread.
I'm actually really thankful for the real advice some people did give me. What I don't appreciate is the multitude of comments I got that implied that I was a bratty ungrateful little child who shouldn't feel the way I feel. I didn't really need that at the moment.
I didn't ignore your real advice actually.
I'm trying to explain it. That's what I've been doing. Elaborating on it.
Oh I'm so glad you brought that thread up... That was another thread where I was looking for support and all I got was criticism. I love it when people do that, really.
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That's another idea, why not call some kind of adult services or like said above call a doctor to come out or something like that...
I wish I could do that... But I can't really. Like I said, she's already getting therapy and my parents would just get super pissed at me if I brought other people into it.
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Could you and your mum maybe come up with a weekly/monthly shopping list, and then only buy the stuff thats on it? that way you can pre plan and buy just what you need rather than what looks tasty in the shop?
My mom doesn't really do the shopping - she doesn't leave the house. Me and my dad go to the grocery store. The problem is - we need SOME junk food because we have a teenage boy living in the house. He's not okay with the whole only healthy food thing :P and that's okay with me, he deserves to be able to eat what he wants, I love my brother. So I make sure we have lots of healthy stuff for us to eat too because half the time that's all I can make myself eat. But my mom just goes for the junk.
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How long has she been seeing her therapist? It can take time to start improving.
She's been seeing her therapist for a couple of months
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I'm sorry if you interpreted my post as being criticising of you. I was actually trying to give you some advice and present a different way to approach the situation; not once did I mean to imply you were uneducated.
You're right, your therapist can't change the situation, but she can be a good sounding board to help you explore your feelings about this, so you dont have to "hold it in and act happy". That's all I was suggesting, you deserve support with this too.
I'm sorry - it wasn't really your post. It was the resounding tone of most of the posts in general.
I appreciate your advice I really do. I just get really defensive when I feel like I'm attacked..
I do talk to my therapist about this sometimes. And she listens and stuff but it doesn't really help anything, you know? She doesn't give any suggestions and it's just kind of a venting thing I guess.
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I agree, actually cooking things yourself is healthier and can be cheaper then buying ready made stuff. Tell her you would like to start cooking and buy ingredients yourself, for example a cottage pie with vegetables is very cheap and easy to make.
Just because people have little money they feel they cant afford to cook meals or get anything healthy but its not the case, its all about planning in advance what to buy and cook.
I know it's probably better for everyone.. I'm just not in control of what we buy, you know? Everyone in my family is too lazy to look into changing our eating habits. It was enough of a battle for them to just let me buy som goddamn fruit -_-
I don't really know how to cook... Like at all... Is it self explanatory enough for me to be able to just pick it up by myself and start cooking for the family?
"I believe in running through the rain and crashing into the person you love and having your lips bleed on each other"
