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Old 01-07-2012, 02:07 AM   #1
djpoetry
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
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Owning My Voice and My Life

I have been stuffing my emotional pain for as long as I can remember. However, in the past few years, I have been learning to get in touch with those frightening emotions. It had come to a point recently, where I could feel the anger coming up to my throat. I knew that if I were to ever be free, I was going to have to rid myself of the anger and resentment. Well today, I screamed, cried and just plain old let loose. What a relief. I feel like a whole new person. I didn't go off on my mother, but I poured out my anger to my therapist over the phone. Who knew! Soon after, I decided that it was time for me to take back my life from my mother. So as we talked, she wanted to know where I was. I told her that I was out living my life. What a statement. I felt no guilt. I finally felt free enough to be free. To not be worrying about how she was going to feel about what I said. I always felt responsible for making her feel ok. Well, that time is over. She is my mother and I will respect her, but it is my goal to emotionally disengage from my mother. Wow...I feel great...

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Old 01-07-2012, 05:58 PM   #2
Gamma Zebra
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I am glad you feel great :)
good for you! :D



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Old 01-07-2012, 06:30 PM   #3
Stellata
 
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That's awesome. :)
Loosening up blocked emotions can indeed be very empowering, and it's such a step forward to feel safe enough to do that.

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Old 01-07-2012, 09:28 PM   #4
Tig
 
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That's brilliant, well done you. I can imagine how much courage that must have taken. x

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Old 02-07-2012, 01:01 AM   #5
djpoetry
 
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Courage? I had always been afraid of my mother, because of her twisted words and how they affected me. In general, I have spent most of my life being afraid of people, feeling that they had power and I had none. Afraid, afraid and afraid. My journey out of fear came when I decided to end and 8 1/2 year relationship and move to a new neighborhood, where I knew nobody. I left everything that I owned in the Bronx and moved to Brooklyn. I had two pairs of pants and two shirts and the hope that God would see me through. That is where I get my strength and courage. When I am afraid, I think about a verse in the Bible that says, "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand, Isaiah 42:10. So when I am afraid, I think about God holding me up, even while I am trembling. I may tremble, but I say or do what needs to be said or done. The next time it becomes easier. Someone said that courage is fear that has said its prayers. I feel so free. I feel like I've let go of that old way of thinking and have reset and renewed my mind, with new thoughts and ideas. That is actually where the healing is, in turning off the old tapes in the mind and replacing it with new tapes. God bless you all. I am so grateful that I have come through this and now am excited to help my fellow people to succeed.

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