Don't know how to tell my cpn that I need help now before a potential crisis develops

[Backfromthebrink]

I feel like I can't ask them for help because I'm not in a crisis now and I know that they see so many very ill people a day, that I don't deserve to be a priority.

I’m not suicidal, I’ve not ended up in A+E recently because of self harm or an OD. While my PTSD symptoms do have a large effect on my life there is improvement since starting therapy.

I know that I am nowhere near as ill as I’ve been before, and that if they are using all the things I’ve done before to gauge how bad things are, then I am well, but that’s not a valid scale.

I’m coming at it from the opposite side now. It’s very easy to let go when you have nothing to hold onto and so are willing to do whatever damage it takes to feel better. But in the last year and a half I’ve started rebuilding my life and have things to hold on to.

I work self employed in a job that up until a few months ago I loved, there were things that were important to me. But depression has set back in and I don’t care about anything, I have no energy, no will, I just exist, life feels hopeless. It feels very much like the depression I suffered for years before, although I currently still have my mind enough to remember that there were things I cared about.

I asked my CPN for medication review a month ago explaining how I'd been feeling - agreeing to be medicated was something alot of the people I’ve seen at the CMHT have been pushed for. The review was scheduled for last Thursday but when I turned up it had been rescheduled for 2 weeks time.

But I’ve been struggling alot just to keep things going, and while on paper two weeks doesn’t seem long to wait, in reality it is, especially when any treatment will take a while to work. I’m scared by that time I could have lost all that I’ve worked to rebuild. I’m barely keeping up with the few hours I work a day and being self employed there is no one who can take over and all the clients I’ve worked hard to get will move on if I become unreliable.

I just don’t know how to tell my CPN that I need help now, especially seeing nothing has reach crisis. This couple of weeks from this rescheduled appointment could make the difference between this being a bump on the road that I can pick back up from and a full blown crisis where I reach rock bottom and end up back in my old way of life with nothing to lose and harming myself badly. I'm trying everything to keep going but I've been doing this for months now and I have no energy left.

[whirlpools]

I think now is a really good time to reach out for help to your CPN. I know this would cause a bit of a delay, but have you tried writing to her? I wrote to my care co-ordinator recently, first time ever, just because I find it easier to be honest that way. Or, if you have her phone number, maybe send her a text asking her to give you a ring when she's free.

Getting extra support before a crisis is a much more effective way to do things than waiting until a crisis happens and things are harder to rebuild.