So I've been hurting myself since I was 15, I am now 20. I NEVER thought I would be doing this as an adult.... But here we are... I met this guy, we were together for about a year and a half, during that time I cut once, after that I went about a year and a half without doing it. Then I went crazy, started cutting again, became a bulimic for a while, started taking antidepressants, my best friend had to talk me out of killing myself A LOT. So he moved me across the country late August and now I live in Michigan. I went without cutting for a couple months, the last time I did it was December 1. Then when he went away for a few days a couple weeks ago, during that time I started cutting again and have been ever since.
So this makes me think, once a cutter always a cutter? Can you ever be fully recovered? I thought I was. Or do we just go through this neverending cycle of breaks of not cutting?
i think that you can be recovered. just like an alcoholic can be recovered. but i don't think that the propensity for self harming goes away totally.
however, personally, i don't find it helpful to focus on whether or not it is possible to be entirely better. i don't need a promise of entirely better. because my life is better when i'm not harming than when i am. it isn't going to be perfect, ever. so i'm just aiming for the best that i can get... which for me, means not harming. and fighting each urge as it comes, regardless of whether or not it will be the last urge
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
To me it just feels like once a cutter always a cutter. I regret more now than ever cutting that first time. It feels like I'm in its grip, sometime it lets up but like right now it clenches me tight and doesn't want to let go.
I think that for me, there will always be a part of me that knows it's there, even if I'm not cutting. A year ago I started cutting again after two years free; that was hard, but it was triggered by an incident, and I've since stopped again. That's not to say the thought isn't there - because it's so easy to do.
My sister says "it's okay to look but not touch" - in the sense that thoughts are okay, actions are bad, which is a bit of an oversimplification but, the essence is there.
Maybe it will completely go, maybe it won't, but that's not a reason to stop trying; relapses are horrid, but they're not a reason not to get up and do it again.
Have you thought about trying to give up again?
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
There is always a reason to stop; always a reason to keep trying.
What about thinking of all the reasons not to SH; there's a thread in this forum about that.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Honestly I've tried thinking of reasons to stop, but there aren't any. Scars, I can hide them. My best friend, I don't really talk to him about it and he doesn't see the damage so he doesn't know what all is going on. And yes, I've seen that thread, maybe I will pop over there for a bit and see if I can find something.
