Are there any distractions you find useful to help you stop? Maybe some of the things which helped you in your month.
Well done for going a month, thats a huge achievement! And I know its hard but please try not to beat yourself up, focus on the month you did achieve. Tonight something has obviously triggered you, and its ok to slip up, its all part of the process.
"If only everyone could know and live with their inner craziness…people would be fairer and happier." Paulo Coelho
Kind of down.. I had my Boyfriend come over to distract me.. but the second he left the feelings came back.. and I cant help but stare at my wrist.. Everything I used to do to distract myself doesnt work anymore, the urges are to much.. And therapy isnt helping me anymore, the only time Im happy is when Im with my boyfriend.. And I cant be with him 24/7 because Im only 15.. I guess this I was just upset over a fight my mom and I had.. That was the first time we faught in 4 months.. and it was bad.. She basically told me Im the familys biggest disapointment.. That I need to get my head straight in therapy with the cutting, Shes threatened with mental hospitals.. Shes called me crazy and many worse things.. I just.. Cant do this anymore.:/
Sometimes perfection means being a little messed up.~
maybe at this point, it would be good to get some sleep? thats generally what i try and do when i have urges at this time of the evening/night
threats of mental hospitals are scary. however, your mom can't just decide to put you in one. a doctor would have to decide that you needed it. and they often aren't as bad as they are made out to be. try to put that out of your mind for a while. you don't need to worry about that now.
it sounds like your mom said some extremely hurtful things to you. try to realize that she said them in anger, and that things that people say in angry moments often aren't at all how they feel when they aren't angry.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I know she means well at heart, but it hurts to hear her say Im this and that.. But I guess I understand that sometimes people say things out of anger. Ive done it too, so I get it. And I know she probably wouldnt put me in a mental hospital, but Ive never underestimated her. Theres justalot going on. Sleep just leads to nightmares so for the past few weeks its been hard for me to fall asleep..
Sometimes perfection means being a little messed up.~
Pretty much the same as last night. I didn tgo to sleep untill maybe 3 am. And its 11 am now, so i did get some sleep. I know shes worried, but i dont cut to die, i dont want to die. I do it to feel, because im just so numb.:/
Sometimes perfection means being a little messed up.~
have you told your mom that (about not cutting to die)? if she thinks that you're trying to kill yourself, that would probably explain some of why she may be so scared.
i'm glad that you got some sleep, but maybe you can try to shift your sleep schedule to more typical times. i'd imagine that being up on your own for hours at night probably increases your urges to harm
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Everytime Ive tried to ezplain to her that I dont cut to die, her and I get into a fight about how I shouldnt do it at all..
And yeah, im trying to shift my schedule back because when Im up really lat eby myself it makes me think and it leads to cutting.. Sometimes I wish I never started.
Sometimes perfection means being a little messed up.~
Im doing better. And I guess if I had a child and found out they did this Id be upset too. BUT, I would try to understand. And I know you dont know my mom, but shes one of those people that if she doesnt get why youre doing something, and thinks its wrong, Youre automatically wrong. And looked down at. Its whatever..
I think shes trying to put it aside. She let me introduce her to my boyfriend. And she used to hate him because she judges people by rumors and apperance. But she saw how happy I am and that hes a really goid person and she supports us.
Sometimes perfection means being a little messed up.~
Ah. No, I don't know you're mum, so I apologise that I'm generalising. To be honest, most parents freak out to some extent, not that it's right, and the only reason me/you would understand is because we've been there.
It's good that she's been more open-minded about your boyfriend, and I'm glad you're doing better today. :)
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
is there someone besides your mom that you could be open with? it would be wonderful if everyone's parents were understanding, but it just sometimes doesn't happen that they are, even if they are great parents in other ways.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
