I have been wondering this for while now, what depression actually is and how does it feel. I have a diagnosis of dysthmia which is a mild/moderate depression that can go on for years, or at least episodes can last for months on end. But i guess to me it feel normal if that makes sense, because i have had it for years but sometimes i cant really tell if im depressed or not.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
Hmm yeah. I can relate a lot.
I have a diagnosis of Recurrent Depressive Disorder. What that actually looks like for me is that I have a baseline of lowish mood, sadness, low self esteem and anxiety, which can sometimes fall into episodes of what count as more of a 'clinical depression'. When I'm in an 'episode' everything just feels hopeless, too much effort, I'm exhausted, I cry a lot, I feel like I just can't cope, I have nightmares, I hurt myself, I lose my appetite, I can't handle being around people at all... the list could go on.
Thankfully my episodes tend to me much more time limited these days, due to therapy and medication and other supports. But from my teens into my mid 30s, I was more or less clinically depressed throughout - though wasn't in treatment or diagnosed at that point.
Hmm yeah. I can relate a lot.
I have a diagnosis of Recurrent Depressive Disorder. What that actually looks like for me is that I have a baseline of lowish mood, sadness, low self esteem and anxiety, which can sometimes fall into episodes of what count as more of a 'clinical depression'. When I'm in an 'episode' everything just feels hopeless, too much effort, I'm exhausted, I cry a lot, I feel like I just can't cope, I have nightmares, I hurt myself, I lose my appetite, I can't handle being around people at all... the list could go on.
Thankfully my episodes tend to me much more time limited these days, due to therapy and medication and other supports. But from my teens into my mid 30s, I was more or less clinically depressed throughout - though wasn't in treatment or diagnosed at that point.
Not sure if that helps at all. :)
I have a diagnosis of recurrent depressive disorder too and could have written the above. That's pretty much my experience.
There are 'typical' words to describe depression and everyone's individual experiences.
The typical terms include 'low, empty, apathetic, tired, no enjoyment of life, no motivation, tearful' and for me those actually fit pretty well. I find that it takes a lot of effort to do anything, that I feel very alone and like all I want to do is curl up in bed. I feel awful about myself and as though everything I do/say is somehow wrong so I don't want to face anyone in case I make mistakes.
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
My episodes of depression felt very physical. My entire body ached, I didn't feel like I had the strength to speak, I felt weighted down. My mind would obsess over suicide, I would talk a lot about death. But yeah, the experience is very physical for me - I literally feel "pressed down".
I'm similar to this.
I think my overwhelming feeling when depressed is just exhaustion. Everything is an effort I sleep for hours and am still tired and it's an incredibly physical feeling.
My mood is very black and I get lots of negative intrusive thoughts and lots of thoughts of self harm and suicide
I can become incredibly apathetic towards life - whats the point to that if I'm not going to be around any longer.
I withdraw because being social exhausts me putting on your smile and going out and if you look at my first point I'm already exhausted!!
I can become incredibly anxious which translates as being agitated I keep fidgeting etc but it's also a horrid physical feeling and again going out increases the anxiety
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
I have the diagnosis of severe depression. When I have episodes of depression. I normally feel, quite tired, like things arent going to get any better. I often have images of sh that I have done which trigger me. Or I have images of suicidal spots near me. Alot of negative thoughts, If i dont have to do something I won't. Where I have to do things eg work, I just do it and hardly speak throughout it, everything seems like an effort. Feeling like I hate myself, like no one else has these problems that its all my fault , suicide feels like a strong option. Erm... Small things set me of crying, or just crying constantly, images/memories from the past flood back... Thats about it really.
When things were very bad, forget getting out of bed , having a shower or getting changed as I couldn't do it. Walking the dog, or having something to eat was out of the question as I didn't have the energy to eat much , all i did eat was chocolate and drink out of the bottle, coke, milk etc. Couldn't make a cuppa tea.. I also felt very numb and empty. I felt so numb I just needed something, just something to stop me feeling so numb. So when things were bad I could forget about all personal hygiene and other 'hard' things such as cleaning out the hamster, going to college, doing assignments, cleaning my room, getting changed etc.
When depression is bad I feel incredibly low, hopeless, sore muscles, self destructive, exhausted, sometimes numb, wanting to hide away and very anxious. Living with it for so long I understand why it can eventually feel normal and you can doubt yourself, but it's not, which is why it's important to seek help.
I would use similar words to above to. Though sometimes when Im trying to explain the feeling I say it feels like "cloudy head", or that everything, even though it looks the same, looks different, and darker. but the cloudy or fuzzy head I find most useful, kinda like a brain fog.
"If only everyone could know and live with their inner craziness…people would be fairer and happier." Paulo Coelho
I think my overwhelming feeling when depressed is just exhaustion. Everything is an effort I sleep for hours and am still tired and it's an incredibly physical feeling.
My mood is very black and I get lots of negative intrusive thoughts and lots of thoughts of self harm and suicide
I can become incredibly apathetic towards life - whats the point to that if I'm not going to be around any longer.
I withdraw because being social exhausts me putting on your smile and going out and if you look at my first point I'm already exhausted!!
I can become incredibly anxious which translates as being agitated I keep fidgeting etc but it's also a horrid physical feeling and again going out increases the anxiety
This is very similar to how I feel.
I can often just sit in the same spot all day drifting in and out of sleep not moving because of seer exhaustion.
I always have thoughts of suicide. I think all day about how/where/when I will kill myself.
I'm not interested in anyone or anything. I will cry a lot. Sometimes I will burst in to tears because I have dropped a pen for instance.
My thoughs are really slow, my movements are slow, my speech is really slow.
I can get really aggitated to. Sometimes I can feel homicidal.
Sometimes I feel like I'm litteraly gonna die of depression because the feelingis so painful, sad and deep.
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
Reading the responses to this thread makes me feel very sad. Because I can relate to so much of it and I know how hard it is to go through. I agree with what others have said about it being something that can be very individual, but there are some common denominators.
I find i can ache from inside out. At times it can feel like all the wind has been knocked out of my sails, like i've been hit with a tonne of bricks and a black hole has opened in my chest all at once. I can feel incredibly apathetic and show no interest in anything. I often find myself going through life like a programmed robot, and time becomes something I can't get to grips with. I'll listen to people but find i'm seeing their lips move and their voices coming out of them but it's like i'm watching a movie and not paying attention. Of course there is then the despair and the self hate and destructive behaviours that come along as well.
I think my overwhelming feeling when depressed is just exhaustion. Everything is an effort I sleep for hours and am still tired and it's an incredibly physical feeling.
My mood is very black and I get lots of negative intrusive thoughts and lots of thoughts of self harm and suicide
I can become incredibly apathetic towards life - whats the point to that if I'm not going to be around any longer.
I withdraw because being social exhausts me putting on your smile and going out and if you look at my first point I'm already exhausted
Pretty much this.
I also felt like I had this humongous weight holding me down, I couldn't get out of bed, bathing wasn't even an option, talking was even too tasking. Although I was constantly exhausted, I felt I wasn't worthy of sleep and would purposely deny myself of what was then a simple comfort. I just felt like I didn't have a future and I was to be forever stuck in that horrendous rut forever. Oh and I'd have this truly horrid feeling in my chest which would cripple me when crying, I would have to wait it out lying down and then i would be overcome by exhaustion and then apathy.
Things have slightly improved since then but unfortunately I still slip back.
Complete lack of will to do anything. Heavy limbs, tired like recovering from the flu or something. Little energy and everything seems to expend too much energy which I have little of to start with.
Feeling like there is no point to everything, and that it would be easier for others if I didn't exist. Very hard to motivate to do anything because I can't convince myself that I'll be around to see the effects.
Limited range of emotions - pretty much just sadness and anxiety although these often would go and then there would be vast periods of nothingness/ emptiness.
Unable to plan things in advance. I've noticed this creep up on me slowly, unable to picture myself in the future, not even a day ahead, I don't feel like I'll really be there.
Now I am starting to experience depression again after a year and a half recovered from severe depression, it's really disconcerting. In my mind I know rationally I know of the things that are important to me and that I care about, or the activities that used to bring me joy, but emotionally I feel nothing towards them.
I have a diagnosis of chronic dysthymia (with personality difficulties-was BPD) and I'm so used to feeling nothing that I'm not sure it matters anymore. Somehow I am able to have a very well paid, people orientated professional job without anyone knowing that I am just acting or that I have therapy.
I guess dysthmia may be different from normal depression, im not sure. To me i just loose interest in everything, i suppose to other people i must seem lazy but i gave things up like the piano because while i loved it, i just didn't enjoy it anymore. I guess it is the same with uni, if i could concentrate and apply enough effort i could have gotten a better mark, but even though i try i cant.
Just nothing interests me and i have to force myself to do things, but i feel feeling dperessed just feels normal like im supposed to feel like this everyday.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
I think dysthimia is just as hard to live with, but depression just tends to have more severe/intense symptoms? But, really, who can really tell where the crossover is?
I guess im just thinking when you have depression it is easier to tell because the symptoms are more intense and more noticeable, but with dysthmia its hard to tell where feeling normal and depression begin, they seem to merge together.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
I'd agree there. Originally my doctor considered dysthimia as my problem, but as he got to know a bit more about me he decided on depression. I guess thyre just different parts of the same scale xxx
I too feel like it's the "norm" because I'm so used to feeling like this, including with depression, it can feel like it's really all you've known, therefore it's normal for you to feel what to others would be not the norm, you know? I can relate, I'm sorry you feel this way... *cuddles for you*
xxxx
But the one thing I notice Only when I'm not severely depressed is that while I'm in an episode my vision changes. It's like there is a spotlight on me, and I can only see clearly a few inches around me. Everything outside my immediate area loses its colour and vibrancy and shape. Like a bubble. And outside the bubble is unknown and unreachable.
This is going to sound really wierd, but I feel like I'm going about with a fog around my head, It clouds and darkens life and things seem difficult or too much effort. I'll cope at work or in a crisis well, but if I lose something, break something or anything trivial I break down and cry. I also think about everything negatively when I'm feeling really bad. I hope you are ok Hun.
"I want to be magic. I want to touch the heart of the world and make it smile. I want to be a friend of elves and live in a tree. Or under a hill. I want to marry a moonbeam and hear the stars sing. I don’t want to pretend at magic anymore. I want to be magic."
