I hope I can get this out coherently. It’s only recently dawned on me just how much of life I have missed out on so far (I’m 22). I’m fed up of this crap and working really hard in therapy to ‘grow’. I feel like there are so many milestones that I’ve missed; I haven’t completed college, nor gone to uni, I’ve never worked, I haven’t travelled abroad with friends or even just gone out for meals to clubs/bars whatever else it is people do for social activities.
I feel like so much time has been stolen from me due to illness and hospital admissions. I’m (hard to admit) isolated and disconnected from my peers. I bloody hate this! I’m so lost and truth be told, I still feel like a tiny child. I don’t know whether its due to mh problems, spending so much time in hospital or years of social isolation, but I just have no confidence.
I’m stuck, I don’t know where to start with trying to progress. I feel like I can’t do anything independently because I still feel tiny inside. Mental health wise I am better, emotionally things are a bit screwed. Now I have all the mess to clean up and its overwhelming. I desperately want to start living.
I guess thats been a bit of a rant, but i’ve put it here as, well i don’t want to feel so alone with this predicament. Has anyone been in my situation and progressed?
sticks and stones may break your bones but words can tear your heart out.
You could maybe start a part time college course. It is a good place to make friend with people who have a similar interest.
I do know what you mean. I think that I only started living my life in the last 2 years (I'm 25). Up until that point I was feel exatally like you do now.
Things can change and get better.
A girl who I work with only started going traveling when she was 30. So compared to her your very young.
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
I can relate alot too. At 21 I felt like I missed out on alot of things including being a "normal" teenager and all the things that go with that.
For a while this made me feel completely powerless and frustrated because I wanted to be better and start living life but I wasn't and didn't know how to.
I guess that it takes some degree of recovery to get the point where you recognize what you've missed out on, so it's a positive thing!
I sort of grieved for the time I lost and then vowed for the next 8 years not to be the same. It's about trying to rebuild your life, but it's difficult if you've been ill and don't have a normal to go back to - so it's going to be a long-term project
So I just took little steps, trying to think of things I liked and doing them. Breaking the bigger things into smaller steps. Began volunteering and that helped to give me some confidence, going back to study, setting silly targets like seeing one person a week. Two years on I have abit more of a life, but it's still quite limited. However I have studied, am earning a little bit of money, have a few close friends I see every now and then!
i'm 19, and felt/sometimes still feel the same way. i lost most of adolescence to my ocd, depression, and anxiety. i don't think i started having "normal" high school experiences until this last year (though i did just graduate, and will be headed to college, something i never thought would be possible). i missed all the hanging out with friends, the separating myself from my parents and gaining independence, the typical high school experiences. some of them i can make up for, and i am working hard on that. others i can't have, but i'm trying to move past that, and focus on not losing my college years...
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Awh, Ree, I can relate in some ways, I never completed a course or been able to travel, and I hardly ever socialise for a long time now.
I don't know the answer but I have an idea. Could you list all the things you want to do, right down to, going to the park, or as big as going abroad on holiday. Doing a short course or online GCSE to getting a degree at university.
For me, I tend to stay around people I feel are most likely to understand which means friends with mental health problems or experience of such. But as I grow away from illness I am sure I will make a friends from various places and backgrounds. You will too.
Could you see if there are any social groups for young people, with or without MH issues. Would you be able to get back to the gardens to volunteer, or is there anywhere else you could spend time helping out?
I think illness takes away a part of growing up and it means you will take longer to mature in the way others have in terms of confidence in the world, but it IS happening, you are getting stronger every day, just look back 12 months and you can see how far you have come, thus how far you can get in the future. Be patient with yourself as you would with me. 22 is still very young and if you can, just resolve to make the future better than the past and you're in the right direction.
I must come down to see you sometime soon. July is what I am thinking *big love*
I can sort of relate but I'm quite a lot older than you. I'm 38. And having been ill for the past 13 years I've missed out on a lot of what my peers have done.
Getting married, having kids (I don't think I'd cope with a kid but I do get pangs of tick tock clock iss running out), careers.
but you've loads of time to make up for it. Now more than ever are mature students enrolling at college/Uni and they make up a great proportion of the student population.
there's loads of time to travel. the world is going nowhere.
Nowhere is there a set timetable in life saying you have to travel before you are 25 or you have to have been to uni before you are 25.
take your time, build up your confidence. You'll get there and then the world will be your oyster.
Thanks guys for the replies, I really appreciate them and feel less alone. It’s encouraging hearing other’s who have similar experiences and are trying to better their lives and move forward. Each and every reply has helped in its own way and I hope that those who replied find the other replies helpful also.
It looks as if baby steps and voluntary work is the first step to take. I know I overwhelm myself in thinking of all the ‘big’ things i want to achieve and because they are so far away and scary (making the leap from how things are currently to being at uni) I get scared and cower away. Realistic and achievable steps which will have positive reinforcement when completed is probably the best thing to start off with.
Ballerinabetty: Thanks for your encouragement. I’m waiting to go back to a gardening course run by the Mind charity development course. I hope things continue to improve for you.
Dash: I’m really pleased to hear that you’re integrating back into the world. I think once I have settled at the gardens, I will try and get some voluntary work. The local volunteer centre run a special group for those with disabilities and provides you with a bit of extra support whilst finding voluntary work.
Backfromthebrink: I like the idea of trying to have contact/meet with a friend once every week or so. I understand the feeling of being powerless. Baby steps seem to be crucial and dissecting things down into smaller chunks so they’re not overwhelming. Thanks for the reply, it has helped.
PassedExpectations: It’s positive and gives me hope to see that you have managed to graduate and will be going to college. The progress you have made clearly takes a lot of strength. I hope things continue to get better for you and you can start experiencing life the way others your age do.
MissA: I’m sorry you can relate to some of the struggles I have. That sounds like a good idea of writing down everything I want to do, although, I worry I might get overwhelmed with it. Maybe writing down all the baby steps that are realistic for the rest of this year would help... I understand and relate to feeling more comfortable with friends that have experienced some form of difficulty; I really hope we can both get passed that. I would love to see you! I’m smiling.
Diagnonsense: Thank you for the encouragement. You are right, there should be no rush to have done/experienced x by a set age. I guess the differences between people are what make us interesting. I hope that life will start to improve for you soon.
Thanks again for the replies.
sticks and stones may break your bones but words can tear your heart out.
I can kind of relate - in the sense that, when I'm "very depressed" I stop getting out of bed very much, and my memory during/afterwards of the very depressed bit is so cloudy, that it feels like I've just slept through months of my life each time.
It's great that you have a plan; voluntary work is always so rewarding, it really lifts you up. My sister helped out at a cats home for abandoned kittens a few times (playing with them) but there are lots of (less awesome) ones. :P Is there anyone you know who does volunteer work you could join?
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
I can relate because my friends just graduated, and I"m not. I just feel like, even though for not as long, I've lost a lot of time and my life to mental illness that sometimes now i struggle to socialise and talk to people because i sometimes have nothing to talk about other than mental health because it's just SO consuming.
I think though eventually things will get better. As well you've lost but there's more to have, you've not lost everything. Confidence is like building blocks, it gradually gets better over time in babysteps.
You aren't alone in your isolation. While not identical, my life has been very similar to yours. At 35 i'm still wondering when i will get a chance at life. i've never been to a school dance, never achieved anything, never lived any of my dreams. i've endured the same social isolation and i've grown to hate myself so vehemently that i do my best to benefit society by not being seen in public as much as possible. missing out on life, no.......i feel as if i'm not even alive.
