I'm really considering telling my parents about my SH and ED and may ask to go into treatment. I'm really scared. I have no idea how to began or anything. So I was wondering how everyone else told their parents. Did you just shout it out or did you actually sit them down and talk about it? Did they just find out? Any tips or stories would really help me out guys! Thanks in advance :)
I think if you can, it is best to sit down and talk to your parents at a time when people feel their most calm. Like, if it comes out in the middle of an argument (which it can do) then it's likely to be even harder to explain and to be heard.
I can't really remember how my Mum found out because I was in foster care when I was younger and I think it's likely that one of my social workers told her.
You are doing a really brave thing and I think your parents will appreciate your honesty. Would it be helpful for you to write a letter for your parents if you don't feel you can sit them down and say the words?
I didn't have the opportunity to tell mum, some nasty people who found out took great pleasure in telling her. But writing a letter sounds like a good idea. It would definitely be better coming from you than someone else finding out and telling them <3 x x
The past is where you learned the lesson. The future is where you apply the lesson. DON'T GIVE UP IN THE MIDDLE x x
I've never discussed it with my mum. She has seen some of my scars, and when I was having a break down she watched me rip my hair out. But we have never talked about it. I've never felt the need to.
Writing a letter does sound like a good idea. Now all I have to do is find the courage to actually leave it for her and not chicken out and take it back before she can read it.
I didn't tell them. They discovered it in the hospital when I had an OD. But it would have been much better to tell them.
I agree with the letter idea, it's a great way to explain yourself.
Maybe you could also print some of the stuff on RYL to help them understand a bit better.
-- English is not my mother-tongue, so I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistake --
My parents found out. My Mom still knows I hit myself and is supportive. I printed out some articles about what family can do to help someone who self-injures. My Mom found it very helpful.
But my Dad thinks I've stopped. When he saw one of my self-harm bruises, he said nothing and walked away. Having my Dad know has made things worse and has triggered me more. Around him I act like I've stopped (even though I haven't.) He doesn't want to understand about my self-harm, why I do it, and be exposed to opinions other than his own. He wants to think he's right, so I am not bothering explaining my self-harm to him. You can't make a person understand.
Writing a letter sounds like a good idea.
Last edited by Celticroots : 05-06-2012 at 09:41 PM.
Erm my parents actually found out through my college, college found out and they said by law they had to tell my parents. Erm we talked about it... there was alot of crying, my dad at first wasnt very supportive though my mum was.
*hugs*
I don't think I told my parents about my self harm; if I remember rightly they simply found out. One thing I did was print out the 'Information for family and friends' page from the advice section (I edited it a bit because some bits weren't overly applicable to me/my parents.) and gave it to them to read; they found it exceedingly helpful.
I was actually thinking about doing that. Writing a letter and printing out a bunch of information about it. Hopefully then they'll know not to completely freak out.
I was actually thinking about doing that. Writing a letter and printing out a bunch of information about it. Hopefully then they'll know not to completely freak out.
Sorry, but I think it's inevitable that they will freak out, at least to some degree. That's just my experience though. Your parents may be more understanding. My mum found out through college and went bananas at me saying things like "it's not worth cutting yourself over" and saying it's "stupid". And basically she never trusts me anymore, and acts very accusatory, placing blame on me and making assumptions...she was a bit self centred about it, saying things like "what did I do wrong?", "what are you punishing me for?", "how do you think this makes me look?".
I'd advise thinking long and hard whether you really do want to tell your parents. My mum knowing has completely changed/ruined our relationship. I think it's great you want them to know, but just be wary of those comments an be prepared for them to ask to see your scars and stuff (don't feel you have to show, I've never shown mine). The letter sounds like a very good idea, including plenty of information to avoid ignorance!
Best of luck, you are SO brave. :)
Nel
Xxx
~ Instruction does much, but encouragement does everything ~
My Mum didn't freak out at all, so it's definitely possible for parents to stay calm! I wrote her a note on a post-it, and just walked up and gave it to her. We talked about it afterwards... And she told my Dad and I think my sister.
"And sometimes when our fights begin,
I think I'll let the Dragons win...
And then I think perhaps I won't,
Because they're Dragons, and I don't."
In my case my sister (twin) found out, and *I* freaked out. She told my mother, and they decided to leave it for a few weeks (I had important stuff happening) and then, my sister gave me a letter essentially saying "we know, we want to help". My dad found out two years later, and cried. That was about it.
My best advice to anyone who hasn't yet told their parents/family: tell them yourself, on your own terms (and a letter is a great way of doing it) where you can control the situation, and don't let the secret tumble out on is own.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
In my case my sister (twin) found out, and *I* freaked out. She told my mother, and they decided to leave it for a few weeks (I had important stuff happening) and then, my sister gave me a letter essentially saying "we know, we want to help". My dad found out two years later, and cried. That was about it.
My best advice to anyone who hasn't yet told their parents/family: tell them yourself, on your own terms (and a letter is a great way of doing it) where you can control the situation, and don't let the secret tumble out on is own.
This. I wish I'd told mum myself before it all leaked out. You're absolutely doing the right thing.
~ Instruction does much, but encouragement does everything ~
My parents found out when it had just started and then I hid it for a good few years and told them I had stopped. Then they found out again when I was in a medically induced coma. Not the best way, especially as my girlfriend (at the time) had to tell the Doctors that I had stitches in my lower leg that needed taking out. Until then they were not aware of how bad it got (my arms are a mess and I don't think they were aware of me ever getting stitches for it either) or anything so it must have been a huge shock for them. My brother found out then and didn't know before so it was even worse for him.
Thinking back, I kinda wish I had told them before but you can't change the past and it's all over and done with now so it's all good.
The world is just illusion always trying to change me.
You will find wonder wherever you can, and spread joy whenever you are able.
I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, divide within me. - Frankenstein.
My mum found out, her and my sister sort of worked it out, and my mum pretty much hated me for it:L thought i was selfish and all that.. good mum -.- :L my 'dad' doesnt know, and as far as im concerned, he never will (hes not part of my life anymore... my choice) but if i could go back and do things differently, i would have told my mum, or at least my sister, anyone in the family, just so someone knew, and could help me.
Im so glad that my mum found out, because as nasty and horrible she was towards me at the time, we have a real laugh now... and they are me really laughing, not just faking it...
I do think of asking her to get me treatment now because i have started to slip back to where i was, and i know that it is for the best... you just have to do it, as hard as it is, just do it, because 2 things ;
1. it will be so much harder if she/he/they finds out herself
2. you will probably get a lot worse before you tell her/him/them because you will keep putting it off.
Good luck beautiful! <3
Someone once asked me, 'Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?' I replied, 'Why do you assume I see two roads?' Take it from someone who's fallen... it's a long way down.
Sorry, but I think it's inevitable that they will freak out, at least to some degree. That's just my experience though. Your parents may be more understanding. My mum found out through college and went bananas at me saying things like "it's not worth cutting yourself over" and saying it's "stupid". And basically she never trusts me anymore, and acts very accusatory, placing blame on me and making assumptions...she was a bit self centred about it, saying things like "what did I do wrong?", "what are you punishing me for?", "how do you think this makes me look?".
I'd advise thinking long and hard whether you really do want to tell your parents. My mum knowing has completely changed/ruined our relationship. I think it's great you want them to know, but just be wary of those comments an be prepared for them to ask to see your scars and stuff (don't feel you have to show, I've never shown mine). The letter sounds like a very good idea, including plenty of information to avoid ignorance!
Best of luck, you are SO brave. :)
Nel
Xxx
I do agree with all of this... my mum did the exact same. She is against anything that permanently damages your body and she went all 'are you doing this to rebel against me?' 'no mum, f*** off.'
There will probably be all the snide little comments if your parents are like most... and you will just sit there and want to scream and cry, but you dont, until one day you get totally fed up and freak out big style... i did this, in a car, with pretty much all my family there! lol! my mum made some comment under her breath about 'wrist slashing music' and that was it, i went MAD! :L but yeah, you gotta prepare yourself!:)
love charlie xxx
Someone once asked me, 'Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?' I replied, 'Why do you assume I see two roads?' Take it from someone who's fallen... it's a long way down.
I do agree with all of this... my mum did the exact same. She is against anything that permanently damages your body and she went all 'are you doing this to rebel against me?' 'no mum, f*** off.'
There will probably be all the snide little comments if your parents are like most... and you will just sit there and want to scream and cry, but you dont, until one day you get totally fed up and freak out big style... i did this, in a car, with pretty much all my family there! lol! my mum made some comment under her breath about 'wrist slashing music' and that was it, i went MAD! :L but yeah, you gotta prepare yourself!:)
love charlie xxx
Oh, don't get me started on the snide little comments! :L Like on a sunny day she'll be like "Oohhh it's so hot! SHORTS AND T-SHIRTS weather!" and I'm like >_< and she'll say something like "I'll need to take you summer clothes shopping soon..." and I'm thinking...yeah, you're never going to see my scars so don't get hopeful :L and other stuff.
But yeah, the accusatory stuff, it's ridiculous, if a knife goes missing she's like, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH IT, I THOUGHT YOU STOPPED CUTTING YOURSELF?!? OMGGG" and then she'll find it in a drawer where she didn't look properly before. And then I'll ask for an apology and she'll be like "Well, I had to ask, didn't I, you're the only one who ever steals knives". Um, I've never stolen knives, but ok...
Our trust is completely broken. She's said "how can I ever trust you?" and quite frankly, she can't. So um, yeah, I wanna move out ASAP.
Your parents sound cool though. It's probably best that they know, especially from you, and not someone else. :)
~ Instruction does much, but encouragement does everything ~
