obsession with another person

[Rayven]

Hi

Im new to RYL.

Im seeking some advice really, as my title says Ive been obessed with someone for some time now quite a few years. Ive wanted to know everything about her, what she has been doing, living, she has mental health issues and our friendship started off with me giving alot of intensive support putting her issues before my own and allowing my own mental health issues to suffer because i was too ingrosed with her to care. Its now gotten to the stage where I want to be wearing the same clothes as her, I want to know everything, who shes talking to. I allowed myself to continuingly "support" her dispite the fact that I know she was just attention seeking (that is a long story but is very true, and I understand that using that term on a forum such as this can be very hard but she is one of the people who give genuinely ill people that label)

I have BPD and Im unsure of whether this obsession I have had is part of the love/hate that we experience? Today things came to an head and Id had enough and I told her exactly what I thought and I didnt hold back. To say now the friendship is in ruins would be an understatement.

Its clearly a good thing I know that, I know the obsession is unhealthy and I know that I needed to break away. Its just been a huge part of me for so long that now I feel I have a void something empty and I dont know how to deal with it.

Im so scared of rejection which I feel could be a part of why I became obsessed, and I can be very influenced by others. Whilst I was texting her I was shaking, sort of in a scared way as I didnt know what the repurcusions were going to be, but also feeling liberated because I was finally getting things off my chest to her and cutting her out of my life. As im typing this now I feel drawn to contact her in some way, be over apologetic and get back into her life, but i know its wrong. I feel like im grieving too.

Im so confused right now, I dont know what help i need to seek from my mental health team to help me to overcome this and stop it from happening in the future. Because it has happened on a smaller scale with another person, that obsession didnt last very long.

I write diaries and so much is filled with my writings of her and my opinions, I know I felt at the time if I kept some sort of written documentation a sort of case study then i would be able to help her, I felt almost like I was meant to help her.

This sounds really strange, crazy, stalkerish and im so tempted to just delete but I wont I need to kind of have any feedback and advice.

Thanks for reading and in advance for any advice and sorry for being so long.

[Sir.]

first off you will find that any relationship other then friendship with her will be unhealthy not just for you but for her as well as suckie as that is you wil have to deal with it. so keep telling yourself it will not work and you will only end up hurting her.
now as far as you being a friend to her and being supportive that is great it is good she has a friend like you. just try to make sure you spend time each day to take care of yourself as well.
oh and a lot is 2 words :) anyways i hope that helps you out a little good luck

[crazykat]

I know it's hard but it is probably a good thing that you were honest with her and got things out into the open as it doesn't sound like it was a very healthy relationship. Anything that makes you put your own needs behind someone else's is never healthy as it is important to put our own needs first for our own health and well-being. I do think it is important to talk to your team about your obsessions so they can help you work through them. Take care
Kat xxx