Good therapists?

[manic_felinemistress]

Background:
I have bipolar disorder and several years back I had a string of psychotic episodes, which were suppressed either due to the trauma or the meds? I don't know.
The here and now:
I've had a bad run of therapists, I can't seem to find one that I mesh with or seems adept to his/her job.
Any suggestions on how to pick out a bad therapist early on, or better yet how to find a good one?

[inblack]

Well, I think its really hard to tell until you actually meet the person. Sometimes it is just luck. Personally I had the best experience with someone who had their PH'D. So I don't know if higher education might be something to look at. Also picking someone who specializes in areas you need help in might give a better chance of them being a good match for you. I don't really know though. Keep looking though, good therapists are definitely out there!

[fuzzy_sweets]

I agree with above that it is hard to say unless you have met the person. Perhaps you could go see someone that a friend or relative has had a good experience with? In my experience going with an open mind helps and also remember you do not have to be 'best buddies' with them but you should feel able to open up to them.

What are you looking for in a therapist? Would you prefer male/female?

[bitomato]

Hi,
I would have to ask what happened that made you think that they weren't adept at their job or that you don't mesh with them. How long did you stay with each therapist.

I too didn't have a lot of choice as a teenager and I think I had the worst experiences growing up because of the lack of respect etc. I didn't get to choose those therapists and I was in family counselling so my issues weren't important.

But my "best" experience came from committing to myself and getting better where I choose my therapist. It was a referral, and that might be what you have to do- get a GP, or health professional who you trust refer you on. Then commit to seeing them for a realistic period of time regularly- likely weekly for 3 months.

My therapist didn't always tell me what I wanted to hear, but I knew that they cared about me and they respected me professionally.

Similarly, my present one isn't perfect, but I am committed to getting better and if I have an issue with something they are doing I try to tell them.

Many of us forget therapists aren't mind readers. Part of my experience with bipolar is that I let things build up- saying nothing until I really lose it or quit. Communication is so important- and if you don't try to talk to your therapist in what should be a safe environment, then where are you going to work on those skills.

[manic_felinemistress]

inblack - Another problem is there aren't very many around my area...I'm already driving out almost an hour. I have been looking at education and what their specialties are, I just don't have much choice. Most of the therapists around here are for people with "elderly persons diseases" or marital problems. Florida.

fuzzy_sweets - I snagged some recommendations from my psychiatrist, I don't know anyone else who's seeing a therapist. I really don't care which gender either. I believe there's a line between therapist and friend which should always be kept. I can't really say what I'm looking in regards to their methodology or treatments because I've only had one that I really hit it off with, she works at the campus though so I'm not going to see her again for until Fall.
bitomato- It's not about not being prepared to hear things or not communicating, the therapists I've been to don't seem to know how to.. I'm not sure how to phrase this.. I guess just deal with what I tell them. The one I'm with right now usually just sits there acting like she has no idea what to say, and I'll tell her about flashbacks and what not, and she'll become upset with me for reacting.
For instance, I was telling her about something my brother did - I cope by laughing. Even in the most inappropriate, vulgar, or awkward situations I still laugh. She snapped at me for snickering, then there was this long silence until I broke it with something positive that happened that day.
That's one of the very minor things she's done, but it seems very unprofessional. If she didn't do it FREQUENTLY it wouldn't bother me. It doesn't seem or feel right.

[bitomato]

Hi MFM,
I think that you need to tell your therapist how their reaction made you feel. I know that I once confided in my therapist regarding my complete emotional rant at my sib- triggered by seemingly nothing and they told me I was mean. Just because they are your therapist doesn't mean that they have to condone inappropriate behaviour.

It may have felt like she snapped at you, but with something that you do- laugh- you may have felt rather vulnerable confiding that in the therapist and were not really prepared for their response. Again with the flashbacks, you think she is upset- but I think that you need to ask her what she thinks; why she doesn't comment; or when she does- why is it in a manner that grates at you.

Some therapists overdo the active listening- and it may be that you are uncomfortable with silence and assume that she is judgeing you when she isn't. She will not know that her behaviour is bothering you unless you say something.

And remember you need to own it- so "I feel X when you do Y". And not "You always do this, or that" or make me feel X.

I honestly don't doubt that there aren't unprofessional therapists out there or that you are dealing with one- but you also owe it to yourself to suss out whether this is actually one of them.

[cweed]

It's weird...everyone always focuses on finding a therapist that you can open up to, but I generally don't have secrets and would tell almost anything to anyone. My problem is always that they never bother to say anything back. I guess just talking about it would be helpful if I didn't have anyone else to talk to, but as I said, that's not my issue. I always end up leaving after a few times where it's just me talking without any input from them. Are they supposed to have input, or am I just being weird about it?