slipping poss trig for s/h

[midnite]

No real point to this thread, just needed to get it out.

I'm slipping again, back down the slippery slope, the nightmares are back, the flashbacks are back, I'm cutting again after 3 years. and though they started as scatches they're getting deeper. I'm scaring myself, I know how bad things were before and don't want to go back to that but can't see any way out, thoughts of suicide are returning, though not too bad at the minute, I don't know how long that'll last. I don't want to tell friends cos I don't want to worry them or admit how bad things are. two people know i'm cutting again but not about anything else. I don't know how long I can keep holding on. I'm scared and I don't know what of.

[crazykat]

Hun I am sorry to hear your struggling so much, do you know what's caused the slip? Have you thought about going to your doctor or someone similar and telling them how bad things have gotten for you lately. Please hold on there hun, you will get through this. Take care
Kat xxx

[midnite]

Not sure what started this up again, Doc knows that things are bad as I was dragged to a&e a couple of weeks back by a friend after a couple of bad cuts, currently waiting for a referal.

[midnite]

I'm slipping faster than I ever have before. I don't deserve help, I only make things worse, I make people worry, add to their stress and problems, they don't need me or my problems, I shouldn't be here, I'm not needed or wanted. Can't keep going like this

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Trigger suicide

I know where and how, think I even know when, and for the first time, I don't want to be talked out of it. I'm scared. not of doing it but in casae it goes wrong, It shouldn't but it'll cause a big mess if it does.

[crazykat]

You do deserve help, what's makes you feel like you don't? Can you go back to your doctor and explain how things have escalated? Please hold on there, you are worth fighting for

[midnite]

I'm just wasting peoples time, I don't listen when they offer advice, I push away the people I need the most, I ended up in a&e last night, having stitches in cuts that I don't even remember making, I didn't dare tell them how bad things are, I can't be kept in, my boss would go crazy and I really don't want to lose my job.

[crazykat]

Why do you think you push people away? Did A&E offer any follow up support? As hard as it is I really think you need to tell someone how bad things are, your health is more important right now.