too old

[dragoness]

im 47 & feelin too old for these teenage angst feelings. my husband & i split up before xmas & he moved out at the end of feb - he decided to move in with a new gf in the space of 3 wks between xmas & his birthday & now lives 2hrs drive away which is hard on the kids but he sees them every other weekend so they'r ok. recently he was diagnosed with angina & has lost his lorry licence so he cant work & isnt able to pay the support we agreed.

after he left i entered into a relationship with an online frend who had been supporting me thru the bad times for over a year. we had been havin issues for a couple of weeks & last nite i found out he didnt want the relationship anymor & had moved onto a new gf altho he insists he will always be there as a frend.

i cant believe how devasted i feel. it feels like the end of the world & i dont want to wake up anymor. im not going to do anything permanent because i have the kids but i feel so empty. i tried marking myself & it relieved things for a while.

iv been self destructive for as long as i can remember - comfort eating, drinking, driving recklessly, injuring myself by being careless but this is the 1st time iv tried anything deliberate & it scares me. i dont know wot to do

[Sketchy]

Sadly age doesn't stop these feelings. I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Have you thought about seeking help, maybe seeing your doctor? It sounds like you could use some support just now. I'm glad reminding yourself of your kids is keeping you safe, but it's okay to also ask for help to get you through this. Please try speaking to someone and take care.xx

[dragoness]

dont really want to go to the dr because 2 things cud happen 1- my husband cud argue that im not fit to look after the boys & try for custody & 2- i cud be signed off work & given that hes gon on long term sick now & may not be able to contribute financially, i need to keep my job & any overtime i can do.

im ok when im at work & when the kids r in the room but its when im on my own that it overwhelms me again. have even started thinkin my kids wud be better off with their dad, at least his gf is mor stable than me. keep hoping it will go away.

[squiggles]

Hi,
You can go to the Dr and get help and not be signed off.
I recently went as things were getting on top of me and I have now been referred to get counselling but am still at work.
When I spoke to my GP I told her the a) I needed the money, b) Being at work gave me structure and kept me going. She understood this and was happy for me to stay in work but the door is always open if I need time off.
As for your husband using it to gain custody this will not be the only thing that is considered if he should go down this route. The circumstances of the separation nd the effect on you will be taken into account. Whether you are caring and providing for the needs of your children will be considered, I'm sure you are feeding them well, looking after them etc as you always have.
I suggest you consider again getting some help and support.
Regards
Liz

[dragoness]

thnx 4 replyin. not convinced abt the dr bein the safest route but then again im paranoid so u cud well be rite. i have a frend who is a nurse in a drs surgery so i mite ask her advice. just got to get up the courage to admit to her im in troble - iv bin tellin her im ok for ages & she'll probably not b pleased with me for conning her.

[earthbound_misfit]

Please don't beat yourself up about it, calling it 'teenage angst'. It's not, it's very real and understandable stress and emotions, you are going through a difficult time. It is true that 'bottling things up' makes it worse.
I'm sure your friend won't mind that you kept a brave face on things for so long, she'll be more bothered about helping you feel better.

The only advice I've got is I guess just try to put yourself first and think about what you want for your life, leave getting entagled with others for now and focus on nurturing yourself and getting things back on track, step-by-step.