Anxiety.

[Steel Maiden]

I have anxiety about going out of the house, especially at certain times. I can go out with a friend, or I can go for a jog without anxiety. But when I walk outside, even to the shops or to Morden, I get overwhelming anxiety. Going down to Sutton or up to central London is something I haven't done on my own for well over a year.

The anxiety manifests itself as noises being too loud, lights too bright, temperature too hot etc; everything seems amplified. To make it worse, I get paranoid that everyone is staring at me, laughing at me, and talking about me. I even see people pointing at me.

I also get anxiety over things like counting things I do (it has to be a prime number), even sips of tea.

It was yesterday when I managed to start realising that I don't have to disinfect the house every day and I managed to have one shower, not two.

My question is, is this anxiety related to my autism side of things, or is it more related to my psychosis? I ask because I emailed my psych about this but only realised after I sent the email that if this is related to my psychosis, she will be more able to address the problem than if it is related to autism. As my psych isn't really as knowledgeable about autism as I would like her to be. Comorbid anixety/depression/OCD are common in Asperger's Syndrome.

Also, do you have any tips for me on how I can battle this anxiety? Because it is preventing me from leaving the house.

Thanks.

[Mrs Sam]

Sorry I don't have any advice but just want to say I know how you feel. At the moment I'm unable to leave the house without someone with me (unless I'm going to an appt) due to anxiety.

What are you anxious of happening? I know I feel very anxious of something awful happening including impossible things such as tsunamis etc.

[Steel Maiden]

It's ok Mrs Sam. I'm sorry to hear you're going through it too. I am anxious that I will get mugged on the street, or that a gang of youths with come and taunt me. I've been targeted by teenagers in my area before, nothing serious but it still upset me.

[Lilo]

Even though I am only 18 myself I still get anxious about school children laughing at me. I have been able to overcome this by adapting myself to the situation.

When I was housebound I built up from this list of things and after a few weeks O was able to walk out my front door to go into Central London and feel excited and not nervous but I understand it takes people different time to combat things.

This is what I did:
Just step out the front door during a quiet time of day
Walk to the the end of the road and then back home again
Walk to the shop when children are in school an buy your favourite magazine as a reward
Walk to the train station during the day and take the tube one stop and then walk home from that stop

I hope that helps you

[Vanished-point]

I'm having trouble battling anxiety myself.

Anxiety can be related to other anxiety disorders such as social anxiety and OCD and some form of rituals that OCD sufferers do are seen as psychotic.

People with Asperger's syndrome are socially inept, meaning their functionality when it comes to socializing is difficult but they are high-functioning. Though I've personally never met anyone with Asperger's with anxiety. There can be presence of correlation between Asperger's and anxiety, but Asperger's is usually comorbid by Schizoid or in rare cases, ASPD.

[Steel Maiden]

Thank you both of you.

Laura, I will try that, it's a good idea. The tube bit will be difficult due to my sensory issues, but I think I can do it. I could try taking the bus to Morden and going into a shop there (I find buses harder to use than walking).

I go to university by the DSA-funded taxi service, although, if I finish sooner on an early day, I take the First Capital Connect service from Kings Cross to St Helier :) now Kings Cross is huge and has way too many people in it, but my adoration for trains and train stations manages to cancel the fear out to a certain degree, as I "zone out" when I am there. And the train is usually almost empty :)

Vanishing point, thanks for the information. I am diagnosed with schizophrenia and Asperger's. But when I was a child I was diagnosed with ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome, however I do not fall into the criteria for those two any longer so those diagnoses have been dropped. I will talk to my CPN about this.

[beautiful_seclusion]

I've had a lot of anxiety, and I can relate to what you say about things feeling intense and feeling people are talking about you when it comes on. It's not quite as intense for me though and it only happens some of the time for me. It used to be much more for me. I still have difficulty going to events where I do not know anyone, thinking I must appear odd and as the outsider. I do relate though to being fearful of being taunted or harrassed, even though there's little cause to think it will happen. When I first was in college I also remember thinking people were talking and laughing about me. Like you, I also used to zone out as a way to get away from it all. It also occasionally turned to outright paranoia. I also started exhibiting some OCD like symptoms during most of my teenage years, although I don't now except in times of stress, and I think it was because focusing on counting, evenness, etc., was a way to get away from it and to take control over the situation.

Lately, what's helped me, is that I had a realization that a lot of my anxiety, especially about social interactions, has to do not with that I care what others think, but with that I've not felt in control of social interactions. I've been told I do things oddly socially, so felt I could do nothing about the situation as I had no idea what I was doing was so odd (it didn't help that people who tended to break through my quiet, asocial barrier were generally a bit judgmental and controlling anyway so probably not the best judges) And as a child I was overly sheltered so not able to remove myself from negative social situations and relationships, as well as had little to observe for what "normal" social situations were.

So lately when I feel anxious about people in any form, I tell myself "you're in control now. You're an adult and you can choose what you want to do". I also think about a time when I was not in control (like I couldn't leave an uncomfortable situation, or I couldn't get away from someone mad at me), and think about how that is different now that I am an independent adult. It surprisingly helps a lot. I just happened to be thinking of it and once I realized it and started practicing it, I was amazed at how much it helped my anxiety. When pretty much nothing else has. Like yesterday, I was putting my bike on the bus, and I apparently accidentally stepped out before the bus completely stopped (I did not notice I did this). The bus driver was very rude at me for it instead of calmly telling me that I should be more careful. I apologized and sat down, and normally that would've bothered me forever and made me incredibly anxious. But I did this and it didn't bother me at all after a few minutes. It doesn't even bother me talking about it now, which is a huge step.

If that is the case for you at all, perhaps it would help you too. I don't know about you, but in my case professionals and other people always tried to tell me my anxiety was due to caring what others thought. But that never helped me get over it, because it wasn't the case. As for what I do, wear, etc., I've never cared about such things. I've always only cared if it resulted in a confrontation or if I didn't know what to do in a social situation. That's when I realized it was more about me feeling in control over myself in social situations than what people thought. And that realization has tremendously decreased my anxiety when I think about the things I mentioned when I notice myself feeling or appearing anxious (I have a terrible habit of picking at my fingers when I am anxious and it will let me know I am anxious even if I don't realize it myself). It's also helped me not be fearful someone will care that what I am doing is not "right". If I'm not making eye contact, well so what if they say something about it? Because now I'm in control over the situation, I can choose to talk about it, walk away, and if they don't get it I'm in control to find other friends or to choose to be by myself.

So hopefully I'm not rambling too much. I don't mean to talk about my situation, it just sounds similar to yours and I thought maybe this might help you. It's just I can really relate to a lesser degree to what you are talking about, and for me that simple realization helped more than any medication or counseling ever did.

[Steel Maiden]

That is a great idea, to think of that. I will try it. Because my meds don't stop the anxiety. I know that antipsychotics can sometimes help with anxiety (they are sometimes used short-term for severe anxiety), but I don't think that my anxiety is psychosis-related. And counselling doesn't work for me; I need solutions, not rambling on about life.

Thank you.

[talaiporia]

Do you think it would help, if there was a place you wanted to start going on your own, and you made the trip a lot of times with someone you felt safe with, and that way the journey would be familiar, and you would be more used to it?

Do you know what it is about these situations that makes the anxiety so bad? Personally, I hate situations where I might have to speak to people I don't know, so I feel better if I put my headphones in, because even if it's not playing music, people are less likely to talk to me.

[Niniane]

I sort of have a similar type of anxiety.
I found that what helps when I need to go out is to put on my iPod. It makes me focus on something else and soothes the anxiety a bit.
Another thing that works for me is to take an anxiolytic before going out or on the subway. It helps sometimes. When I'm in a place with a lot of people, like subway, I take a book with me in order to drive the anxiety away.
I hope this helps, and I hope you'll feel better.

[Steel Maiden]

Thanks. I may be going to Central London with my friend on Sunday, so I will have to go on the Underground to meet him up, which will be a major challenge. Aunty T, that is a good idea, I'll ask my friend if he'll take me on repeated trips until I can be confident of doing it on my own. I take my music with me too, not only to ease the going out anxiety, but also because my headphones are noise-cancelling so they help with my sensitivity to loud noises from the outside. I get really anxious about going to noisy, crowded places, because there are so many people all glaring at me and reading my mind. Also all my senses get amplified (well, they're always amplified, but it's worse outside) so I get overloaded. Niniane, I will take your advice, a book and music are a good combination. I sometimes take my mini laptop and play games on it on the tube, if it is a long journey. Thanks.

[beautiful_seclusion]

Music is very helpful. You can go into your own world if you want. I also agree with the idea of reading a book, people tend to bother you less if you appear busy. And sometimes if someone won't stop talking to me that I don't want to talk to, I just resort to being curt and even a little bit rude if they won't recognize that you want to be left alone. Maybe knowing it's ok to not continue with a conversation with a stranger when you don't want to would help. And also, I know it's hard when panic/paranoia sets in, but maybe using logic to realize it's highly unlikely any of the people in the crowd are talking about you will help. If you think about the hundreds of people out, it's statistically unlikely that they are all talking about/staring at/wanting to hurt only you. I know that helps me battle those types of thoughts, to think of why they logically don't make sense. But I know that's probably not helpful for everyone. Yeah I know what you mean about counseling not working; it never really helped me either for the same reason. And medication seems to only work for anxiety short term, at least in my experience. So hope it goes well for you.

[Steel Maiden]

^ thanks. I will try to go into my own word, music helps with that too. And Logic is good too, I need to keep using it. I didn't know before that it would be ok to be curt and a bit rude to stop a conversation, but I can see now how it can be ok, with total strangers that I may never see again.

I am going to Hove today to see my friend for two days. I am not looking forward to the tram journey, but the train journey may be lovely if there aren't too many people on the train. Some of the bits between Three Bridges and Preston Park (before the train turns onto Hove) are really quite pretty.

I will update on the anxiety situation when I get back.

Thanks all.