I just told two close friends about what I have been going through.. why I'm not at school anymore.. why I just disappeared it seemed. They understood and promised not to tell anyone else. But I felt like even the people that know still challenge how bad I really feel. I don't think people are taking me seriously. Suicide is out of the question for me now. So in that way you could say I have been getting better? But I still have bad thoughts and habits. I have anxiety problems that I'm trying to battle by going out with my mom to places like the mall or the grocery store. All this may sound like grand progress, and maybe it is, but I still don't feel like my therapist is really helping me. And she's the third I've tried. I am scared to go to a new one because I'd have to be judged all over again.. but I also don't have the strength to tell my current one what I think she could be doing better. Help someone please. I feel so lost
It sounds to me like your doing fantastically and I think you should acknowledge that. Having said that it does sound like things are still really difficult.
I think that you have to work out whether it's never going to work with your therapist in which case maybe you need to work out what you want and then see if you can find a therapist that fits or whether your therapist can help you but things aren't gelling in which case talk to them, I know that's a scary prospect but I know my therapist would rather I be honest and say this isn't working, however, I think I can work with you and maybe focusing on xyz would be more beneficial.
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
Thanks you guys. When I talk about it.. I feel awkward. I feel like people don't think it's "that bad". Which is total rubbish. My therapist talks a lot during sessions, sometimes more than me and I don't know how to ask her to stop talking :/ And she, herself, has a lot of allergies, and tick-borne illnesses, so she just seems so frail yet sturdy. I feel her as a person isn't a good fit because I catch myself worrying about her and her health which isn't good for me (not that caring is bad, but with me, I put others first so I eventually end up in a hole because I ignored my own needs). And I have found that I have this intense, intense fear or.. panic when I feel I am being judged. It's kind of a new thing. It's just that I am not supposed to be so critical of myself so now I think everyone is thinking what I think about me. If I just go with my instincts, I'll starve, and suffer, and possibly die. But projecting my thoughts about me onto others isn't good either. I just don't know how to fix this. Either way, it feels like I will have to fight myself.
Hi,
I don't think that I am being much help. My therapist- well talks alot and recently had some medical issues which made me feel like a burden. I stopped my sessions- along with some other reasons, but I do not think that it was a good decision.
Therapeutic relationships take work and that is from both sides. Therapists are not mind readers and cannot discern what is not said. If the therapist is worth their credentials actually you can probably being quite direct about the issues- the talking, the health of the therapist and the concern that you are really not getting better.
Talking therapies is a form of therapy, and I can definitely say the person I was that needed to talk at sessions is not the person I am today. My therapist was still in control of the session, and talked for a specific reason. Sharing their personal circumstances was part of the relationship and when I mentioned a form of therapy that worked for me before they were able to explain to me how they did use it in a different form.
I've written my therapist an email before, or emailed them- and actually posted an issue I had on RYL before I could bring it up with them. I thought that the ground would swallow me up- but at least now they know I am upset by or when they..................
Writing a letter to your therapist might be the best place to start- not like you are going to give it to them- but just an open and honest account about therapy. What you expect from therapy; what you feel you are not getting; what your fears are.
Sometimes it helps for the therapist to reinforce your accomplishments if you are not able to yet. Mine does alot and it helps.
~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red
“It’s time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. It’s not working for women, it’s not working for men,
it’s not working for polar bears.” Arianna Huffington 2014
Thanks, that did help some. And I get that every therapist is different and it's a two-way relationship just like all others. The problem is that she talks like.. a lot. If it was an hour session. She could easily talk 40 minutes. And I don't think that's good because we aren't making progress with me. Which is the only reason I'm there. That's the only place I get to talk and I can't even talk there.
My weakness is telling a person my concerns without making it sound like a judgement/ criticism. However, I do think there should be a way to talk to your counsellor about your concerns and your need to talk more- I interrupt my therapist.........again it might be your perception, or there might be a reason your therapist talks alot. I know my irritability as part of my illness made me less tolerant.
However, do you actually listen to what she is saying- as in is it relevant. You don't think that you are making progress but from your posts it is obvious that you are. I make a list of things that happen and email to therapist before session or bring to session prepared to talk about- so "these are some things that happened that I want to talk about".
You might need to hold the reins in your session a bit more- but appreciate that she may be talking because you haven't been voicing your needs.
~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red
“It’s time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. It’s not working for women, it’s not working for men,
it’s not working for polar bears.” Arianna Huffington 2014
That makes sense and I do understand that. She begins with relevant things but drifts off with stuff that isn't relevant. She talks about all of her life and her illnesses and her son and her husband and her brother in law and her summers in college, etc. I know more about her than she does about me! She has implied that she is glad we are getting further and that I have been openning up more, but yet she is talking more and more and so I open up less and less because she won't stop talking. I have tried to interrupt her. It used to work but it doesn't anymore. I have had an unbelievable amount of tolerance and patience with her. I can sort out the extent of my irritation and annoyance whether it has to do with the present situation only or if it is stemming from other things. I have no choice now it seems. And my progress is severely lacking. I know that because all of my problems are still present and intensely flaming. SI & horrid thoughts still occur. I'm not at square one anymore... but I'm no where near square 10 either.
Well it may be a case of saying- I am not comfortable hearing about your personal life. I would like to talk more in the session- but once you throw down the gauntlet remember you actually do have to talk.
I did have a CPN who was suffering from burnout and was pretty terrible when I went to sessions. I just do not think you should change therapists without telling her your concerns. You can broach it as- I do not think I am making the progress I should and I would really like to talk more in sessions.
I am sorry that this is so difficult but I do think it is a safer environment within which to exercise assertiveness.
~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red
“It’s time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. It’s not working for women, it’s not working for men,
it’s not working for polar bears.” Arianna Huffington 2014
Well it may be a case of saying- I am not comfortable hearing about your personal life. I would like to talk more in the session- but once you throw down the gauntlet remember you actually do have to talk.
I did have a CPN who was suffering from burnout and was pretty terrible when I went to sessions. I just do not think you should change therapists without telling her your concerns. You can broach it as- I do not think I am making the progress I should and I would really like to talk more in sessions.
I am sorry that this is so difficult but I do think it is a safer environment within which to exercise assertiveness.
Thank you. I took your advice and really thought about it. I was raised to never question adults and to never even think of disrespecting them. And so I was feeling like if I say anything in any way that that will be disrespectful... but the thing is.. it's not. It's my treatment, it's my life, and my therapist is trying to help my and keep me in this life. She deserves to know what;s on my mind instead of being left hanging because I ran off to a different therapist. You were right in that it is a safe environment. My head is just stuck in the unsafe environments that I'm used to where you can't speak up about anything. We talked about it and she was ecstatic that I said something. That session was the best one we've had, and we scheduled another Thanks for expressing your opinions about it all, it really helped!
Thanks for expressing your opinions about it all, it really helped!