Not sure what to do - advice please

[Loops]

Hi,

I used to come onto ryl a few years ago but have pretty much been okay the last couple of years.

Basically i wasput on an antidepressant the day my daughter was born just as a preventative measure due to my previous history of depression. I stopped taking it in February after the suggested 6 months just as I went back to work as I was fine apart from a bit of baby blues and money stress.

But the last few months I've randomly had periods of feeling depressed, had lots of thoughts of self harm and suicide, times of feeling very agitated and angry for no reason, blowing up over nothing and feeling worthless with so much self loathing.

Then I'll be fine and I love my kids and husband to bits, I feel great and ill laugh and joke and just put the depressive feelings behind me,because I was just being silly and melodramatic. And then for no reason ill feel really low and angry again.

Basically I don't know what to do,I've been hiding theway I've been feeling as I've realised it always passes but my husband does know I'm 'moody' god love him! But I can't admit that I'm not right again, because lots of the time I'm great then I just feel so stupid for having such negative thoughts for no reason.

It's just exhausting and I don't know if I'll just be okay again soon without any intervention. Has anyone any advice or similar experiences and found they were okay if they just rode it out?

[wake up]

Although you recognise that it does pass, could you do with more support whilst it is going on?

Is there anyone that you can contact?

[Loops]

I'm not sure who to talk to. The only ones who know about my past are my husband, my best friend and gp/cpn. But my husband has a lot going on, my best friend is on honeymoon and the si part freaks her out a bit, although she has tried to be understanding. I've been discharged from my cpn and I don't want to go back to my gp unless I have to which is why I thought I'd come back onto ryl.

Maybe it'll just pass, previously my depression has lasted months at a time not days/hours so will maybe just stop. Just when I'm there I scare myself as it seems so logical to park the pram at the side if the road and walk out into the carriageway for example. But then something randomly changes and I think the world's a wonderful place. Don't know. But thanks you for your reply

[one_step_closer]

Although you are saying that these feelings pass, what you have just described with feeling you should walk into a carrigeway is very worrying. It would be a good idea to talk to your GP at this stage in case things get worse for you. They can hopefully put something in place to prevent things getting more difficult.

[Loops]

Thanks for replying, guess I should go to my gp. Just feels so stupid when it's not all the time, I'm up and down, also not keen on medication again, but will maybe make an appointment when I feel low again

[one_step_closer]

Could you make an appointment before things get bad again? Maybe something can be put in place to prevent that happening or at least mean you have a plan for when you feel low.

[Loops]

Yeah will ring on Monday, I know there's no quick fixes but as you said maybe something could be put in place. Thank you x

[one_step_closer]

You're welcome, please let us know how you get on.