Not sure what to do - advice please

[Loops]

Hi,

I used to come onto ryl a few years ago but have pretty much been okay the last couple of years.

Basically i was put on an antidepressant the day my daughter was born just as a preventative measure due to my previous history of depression. I stopped taking it in February after the suggested 6 months just as I went back to work as I was fine apart from a bit of baby blues and money stress.

But the last few months I've randomly had periods of feeling depressed, had lots of thoughts of self harm and suicide, times of feeling very agitated and angry for no reason, blowing up over nothing and feeling so worthless with so much self loathing.

Then I'll be fine and I love my kids and husband to bits, I feel great and ill laugh and joke and just put the depressive feelings behind me, because I was just being silly and melodramatic. And then for no reason ill feel really low and angry again.

Basically I don't know what to do, I've been hiding the way I've been feeling as I've realised it always passed but my husband does know I'm 'moody' god love him! But I can't admit that I'm not right again, because lots of the time I'm great then I just feel so stupid for having such negative thoughts for no reason.

It's just exhausting and I don't know if I'll just be okay again soon without any intervention.
Has anyone any advice or similar experiences and found they were okay if they just rode it out?

[startingagain]

Have you ever kept a mood diary to monitor this? I'd have a chat to the GP and see what they suggest.

[effervescence]

In my experience just riding it out doesn't work - especially with a history of depression.
I'm sorry, I know it's probably not what you want to hear.
What is really good is that you have noticed this and recognise the changed in your mood and behaviour - this is a really positive thing and indicates in my opinion that accessing something like counselling or medications would probably work well for you.

[Loops]

Thanks for replying. I hadn't thought of doing a mood diary, might start one, and looks like I will be making an appointment with my gp although was really hoping to avoid it but maybe it'll all settle down quickly this time. Thanks x