Bit of a rant

[Heksie]

It's funny how life happens.

I have written before about the dodgy ex being back in town and so far I have managed just fine with that. I've gotten used to the idea feeling safe in the knowledge that chances of bumping into him are teeny tiny. I've ben honest with my current boyfriend about the scenario and he's cool with everything too. Yay, go team.

Now I feel like I've been thrust back into some high school soap opera. Turns out a friend of my boyfriends (whom I haven't met) may now be dating said crummy ex. WIERD. Suddenly the chances of running into him have exploded and I'm so paranoid it's unreal. Just when I thought I had washed his stink out of my hair he's there. He would have no clue of the link which just makes it all so strange.

The sad thing is it's dragging up all those old feelings of nothingness and worthlessness that I had when I was with him which sucks. And it's exhausting to have this running through my head constantly when I would rather be enjoying some of the happiness I've worked so hard to achieve. Makes me think I just don't deserve that break I've been waiting for all these years :(

Thank you for reading

[happiness...its all a lie]

Its great your current boyfriend is understanding about your ex. If you dont mind me asking what did your ex say/do? as you say the chances are slim of seeing him even with this new information they may be higher but still limited.

You do deserve all the happiness you've worked hard to achieve so enjoy it. Does your new boyfriend know about the link? could you tell him how it makes you feel?

Easier said than done but you know your worth more than your ex because you took the decision to leave him so you know your better than that just keep trying to believe it. Even if the worst case and you saw him hes not worth the time of day so just hold your head up high xx

[pea soup]

You are worth having happiness. You have achieved it and you can hold on to it.

Don't fall into the drama of your ex. I totally understand how an ex made you feel worthless. Mine was the same but now I am with a girl who treats me like gold. She makes me feel like I can do anything. Please listen to your current bf. he sounds very understanding and that is awesome.

You will be okay.

much love.
xxxxxxxxx

[Heksie]

Thank you both :)

My life is so much better without the ex and the idea of being reminded of all the bad stuff just made me all paranoid. It's also the time I finally left him I stopped harmin myself so I also associate him with that which is definitely something I'm trying to stay away from.

My current guy knows the basics and the damage caused by the ex. Upon seeing the photo of his friend with him I mentioned that this guy 'looks a lot like my ex and I hoped for his friend's sake it wasn't' and left it at that. I dn't want to waste more enertgy on it than it's worth or make a big deal out of something that may never happen. If the potential of being at the same social occassion comes up I will talk to him about it.

What made the ex so bad? Um, alcoholic drug addicted criminal womaniser is the short version. Basically all the things I was ever warned about. At the beginning of this year (prob almost a full year since I'd had contact with him) I got a phone call from one of his friends saying he was in jail and wanted to write to me. Riiiight... Knowing he's out alone makes me look over my shoulder, but the chance of seeing him alone is creepy. It's like some mad twist of fate.

I will choose to use this to empower me though. I shall pat myself on the back and say 'look how far you've come, look how much you've grown'. Hopefully the message will sink in.

Thanks again for the boost dears, very much appreciated :)

Heks
x x

[happiness...its all a lie]

Hi

What did your current bf say when you said that he looked a lot like your ex? Saying he wanted to write to you - did he actually do it? I can understand you looking over your shoulder? Sorry about your ex sounds like you made a good choice to leave (no offence) I dont want to worry you or anything but maybe you should carry a personal alarm and hair spray (i carry this -because pepper spray is illegal so its my next solution as when i lived in southampton i was followed by someone and the police advised both) so that in the UNLIKELY even you see him you can make people aware you want help.

Im glad your going to use it to empower you because you HAVE come a long long way and deserve lots of happiness.

Keep believing. xxx