But this adoption thing is looming over me. I cant get it out of my head. I talked to my mother today and my brother called her last night and said he was thinking of killing himself. He lives with my sister and her ****ing answer to this was she "wasnt going to let him manipulate me" We have a family history of suicide. I dont think he is manipulating. I think he is trying in his own way to reach for help!!
I'm so pissed off. my sister is an ungrateful bitch and they all look up to her like shes an angel for taking my brother in.
Ya know what? I would like just a bit of validation from them that I took every beating for my sister. she never felt the lashes of a belt buckle or the burn of a cigarrette. I protected her and then I protected my brother. I was so young but so resilient as a child. The emotions didnt surface until I was an adult and in turn, I lost my own child!!
My sister married a good man. He takes care of her. Ive never had that. Ive always been independent. I just ****ing wish my family would think back to those horrible days when I took the beatings.
The anger is building again and I dont want that to happen but there is so much going on with my health and my son, plus my brother.
I dont know what else to say. I feel violent. rageful.
That definitely sounds like something that would make anyone angry. You probably aren't going to be able to change your family's attitudes about things that have happened, but you can do things to take care of yourself. Do you have people you can talk to about it? Also can you talk to your brother about it since your family are ignoring it? Maybe the two of you could go out together to talk and just get away from the family problems, and it might help him clear his head and think about what he needs to do to keep himself safe. Hope you're doing ok though, I know it's really hard when people discount what you've been through and you have consequences for things that are not your fault.
Stereotypes are the epitome of human laziness.
- me
Thank you guys. My brother and I have had issues since I came out as a lesbian but we love from a distance. But there is GREAT news about my little bro. He made a 4.0 which is the presidential list in his second semester of college!! he did this while working a full time job and taking over the full time class load!! I am sooo very proud of him. I am sending him a bouquet of balloons with some chocolate :)
Now for the bad part...Mother's Day is sunday and I just dont know how to get through it. It tears me apart every year but this year is the worst. I just want to hear my son's voice but he wont talk to me. I want to hug him forever. But I have to get used to letting him go. Kaleb has been a big stressor for me lately. He is extremely hyper and is beginning to have a sassy mouth. he's only 8 but he's starting early with the attitude. he's a good kid but it just stresses my nerves to the brink.
I physically feel like **** with a kidney infection but I'm taking antibiotics so I should feel better in a few days. things just feel overwhelming. I've slept all day to avoid feeling anything and now will probably be awake tonight.
Will keith talk to you on the day? Maybe se it as a chance to reconcile things between you. Be honest with him how you are feeling, he's old enough that you don't need to sugarclst things and if you can't be honest with your child, then who can you be honest with?
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
you're right Manda...I'm not sure if he will call or not. I'll wait and see.
I'm doing something bad because I'm so depressed. I'm doing speed. It's a prescription drug but I'm not taking it as prescribed. I'm only doing it to get through the depression and then I will stop.
Please dont judge me. I know you guys dont do drugs and I got sober a long time ago but I'm slipping this weekend and I'm sorry but I dont feel depressed right now. I feel euphoric and that was the goal.
Question, are you sure you're going to be able to stop? My understanding is that that type of drug feeds an addiction and makes it hard to just stop. I think you should talk to your doctor again and change your medication or up it.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
actually, it's supposed to have a speedy effect and it did at first but I fell fast asleep at 2:30 this morning. Got up at 7 and took some more and then puked my guts out. wont be doing any more. it was pleasant at first...but nothing like illegal speed, like coke or meth. no worries....i feel pretty icky right now.
I have experimented with so much crap..mostly when i was younger but this was a very odd feeling and after the euphoria passed...i felt awful...but i didnt crash into a depression which is good.
Rach I think you know by now you have an addictive personality, you need to be careful, no substance is good for you, its a case of balancing damage to your body and the benefits of taking it, some damage is reversible but if you take too much then the damage levels rise. Be careful I love you x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
