Partner with DID/ Caregiver Fatigue

riotgrrrlcori · 24-04-2012, 05:57 PM

I don't know what to say here but I need some support.

My boyfriend of 3 years has DID. For the past few weeks he has been switching daily, and sometimes more. I'm lucky in that I get along with his alters, J- an 8 year old boy, and L- a 24 year old tough guy.

But I'm so tired. I don't drive, and I had to go pick him up at midnight last night on public transit since they were lost on the other side of the city, only to find J waiting for me on the platform, badly hung over because M- my partner and the host personality- and L had been drinking.

I'm tired. I spent all night taking care of them, and now I'm at work. They don't want therapy.

I love them all very much, but I'm terrified if I keep up I'm going to burn out.

one_step_closer · 24-04-2012, 07:28 PM

That sounds so stressful. I can understand some of what you're feeling as I cared for my Dad for about 9 years. Are you able to ask your GP or someone about support for you? There are carers groups that you might be able to join to chat with other carers and get a bit of a break.

Have you explained to your boyfriend how you're feeling? Maybe he would re-consider therapy if he knew just how much this is affecting you. Take care.

lily7 · 29-04-2012, 11:36 AM

However bad it is for him, you still need to look after you.
i get that therapy can be scary (and expensive) but maybe you need to put some boundaries down before you burn out...?
Maybe it might help you to consider therapy for YOU if he still won't? It could help you deal with the situation and learn to look after yourself rather than always prioritising his needs...
And i get that DID sucks :(

BridgesAndBalloons · 29-04-2012, 02:28 PM

It sounds like you're in quite a tough situation. I think in order to help anyone we have to take care of ourselves first, otherwise you could end up burning yourself out and then you can't really look after some else as well if you're not looking after yourself too.

I've been with my partner for about two years and he's my carer, I know he often feels quite drained from looking after me, I've not been well for a while.

I think the suggestion of talking to him about this is good, he may not want therapy but your needs and health must be taken into consideration too. I've been offered therapy and am on a waiting list at the moment, it's something my partner and I are eager to start, as hopefully it will mean there's less pressure on him to be my sole source of care and support. So it might be worth trying to broach the subject of therapy with him and explain how it might help you and him both.

The suggestion of finding support for you is good I think, in the UK there are support groups for carers to get together and some people find that very useful, I imagine there might be something similar where you are. It might be worth trying to find out anyway.